As we’re sure you all know, Salman Rushdie, the author of the book “The Satanic Verses” critical of the murderous cult of Islam back in the late 80s (that’s about half a century ago, almost, and members of the not-to-be-criticized-either cult of the same name having tried to off him ever since), was stabbed a few days ago while trying to speak in the free speech bastion that we know as our great nation.

Law enforcement?

Police identified the suspect as Hadi Matar, 24. He was arrested after the attack at the Chautauqua Institution, a nonprofit education and retreat center where Rushdie was scheduled to speak.

Matar, of Fairview, New Jersey, was born in the United States to Lebanese parents who emigrated from Yaroun, a border village in southern Lebanon, Mayor Ali Tehfe told The Associated Press.

Rushdie’s novel “The Satanic Verses” drew death threats after it was published in 1988. It was viewed as blasphemous by many Muslims who saw a character as an insult to the Prophet Muhammad, among other objections. The book was banned in Iran where the late leader Grand Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini issued a 1989 fatwa, or edict, calling for Rushdie’s death.

Police said the motive for the Friday attack was unclear.

Downright unfathomable, we tell you! Who would have thought! Unpossible! We’ll have to spend at LEAST a couple of decades trying to pretend to get to the bottom of this one!

Our Bestest and Brightestest, Loyal Citizens!

Trust them!

OR ELSE!!!

Thatisall.

P.S.: While we’re all waiting until The Heat Death of the Universe for our brilliant and impartial law enforcement institutions to dig through to the bottom of this indecipherable mystery, please pray for Mr. Rushdie.

Even if you DON’T believe in G-d, it will still be more fruitful than to wait for our so-called “justice” system to grow what might be called an adequate brain. For a nematode. Baby steps.

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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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