A few days ago we wrote:

And we can assure you that our impartial, unbiased and utterly incorruptible pending investigation will find an anonymous low-level staffer to put on no less than two months of administrative leave, or until the current turmoil has calmed down somewhat!

It’s almost as if we’re bloody psychic or something! Or perhaps that’s what the “omniscient” in our title means, although personally we tend to believe it’s merely proof that our IQ is above room temperature:

According to reports in The New York Times, surveillance video from inside the jail, reviewed after Epstein’s death, shows guards at the Metropolitan Correctional Center did not make some of the checks they claimed to have made in their logs.

The two guards are alleged to have falsified records to cover up their mistake, several law enforcement and prison officials told the paper.

Both guards were on Tuesday placed on administrative leave,

So, low-level anonymous scapegoats have been found, administrative leave has been issued, and that’s it for this “thorough investigation.”

Now go back to sleep.



P.S.: Of course, that still doesn’t address what really went down in that cell while the poor, overworked “guards” were “sleeping”, but that’s beside the point, so shut up, racist!

P.P.S.: On a more serious note, we’ve seen some suggestions across the Innarwebtubes that there is something suspicious about the coroner’s office stating that their ultimate conclusions regarding cause of death are “pending further information”. Sorry to burst your bubbles, but there is nothing suspicious about that in and of itself. Having done a brief, but very educational stint in forensics in our youth, we can assure you that things don’t work like they do on CSI where you know everything about the stiff and the way in which they departed this world within 20 minutes of their being slid over on the stainless steel table.

Lab work takes time. Really, honestly it does. Sometimes it takes a LOT of time. We could get all technical here as to why, but those of you who know the technical details don’t need to be told and it would be Greek to those of you who don’t. Just take our word for it.

It’s not like there aren’t enough other things to be deeply suspicious about regarding this “suicide.”

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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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