Asked and Answered

Ben Sasse, in an obvious attempt to steal the limelight for himself in the wake of the Jeff Epstein “suicide”, wrote a long letter to the AG. Still

, he does make some good points.

His Imperial Majesty, being all-knowing, the Emperor of the Known Universe and Outlying Galaxies etc. etc., has taken it upon himself to address Mr. Sasse’s concerns:

“The Department of Justice failed,”

Must have been a day ending in the letter “y”, then.

“and today Jeffrey Epstein’s co-conspirators think they might have just gotten one last sweetheart deal,”

We really must protest there, Mr. Sasse. We can assure you that the relevant officials involved charged the going rate for bribes from those co-conspirators, and not one brass obol less! We quite frankly find it preposterous that somebody of your standing would as much as suggest that any of our impeccably credentialed and thoroughly professional employees of utmost integrity would ever as much as think about charging anybody the “friends and family” rate for any reason.

“Every single person in the Justice Department — from your Main Justice headquarters staff all the way to the night-shift jailer — knew that this man was a suicide risk, and that his dark secrets couldn’t be allowed to die with him.”

Well, unless you happen to have a Ouija board handy, Mr. Sasse…

“Given Epstein’s previous attempted suicide, he should have been locked in a padded room under unbroken, 24/7, constant surveillance. Obviously, heads must roll,”

And we can assure you that our impartial, unbiased and utterly incorruptible pending investigation will find an anonymous low-level staffer to put on no less than two months of administrative leave, or until the current turmoil has calmed down somewhat!

“It should have been abundantly clear that Epstein would go to any lengths to avoid being held accountable for his crimes, including by killing himself.”

It’s not so much what lengths Epstein would have gone to, but let’s not get into any specifics here.

“Being responsible for Epstein’s custody and prosecution, the Department of Justice should not have allowed this to happen,”

Now, now… Needing an urgent bathroom break while the camera surveillance happens to break down is hardly “allowing something to happen.” These things happen all the time, don’t you know?

“His death not only deprives his victims of the opportunity to confront him in court and to see him held accountable for his crimes, but also makes it harder to unravel his ring and to hold accountable the many other powerful men who raped and exploited these children.”

That was the general idea, yes.

Yours etc. etc.

Thatisall.