Just asking for a friend. Justinian. He’d really like to know. Mainly because he’s laughing his arse off down in the Imperial Quarters.

So the latest numbers from the “We’re All Going to Die Institute”, aka the IHME, while we’re all busy watching our life’s savings go down the drain with the comforting thought that whatever savings we might have left at the end of Winnie the Hysteria won’t be worth the paper they’re printed on anyway, thanks to the trillions of funny money our government’s been printing, seem to be down from 2,500,000 corpses stinking up the streets down to, well, about 60,000, which is surely good news. We think we can all agree on that, at least.

From Extinction Event™ (no, not even 2

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,500,000 would be that in a nation of 325,000,000) to “rounding error” ought to be filling us all with joy and exuberance, no?

In rational times, that would certainly be the case, but in the Crazy Years™ where the only thing that matters is the almighty page view, not so much.

Some countries, Austria and Denmark to name but two, are beginning to realize that maybe destroying the village to save it might not be such a brilliant idea. They’re crazy, we tell you!

They also went through the cold war on the front lines where “maybe surviving wouldn’t be all that cool if what you came out of your bunkers to find that you’d survived was worse than being dead already”, but surely that doesn’t matter.

If it saves but one life, you know.

Funny. Take cancer. It kills more than 600,000 Americans every year, yet we don’t shut down everything to “save just one life.”

Oh, to be sure, you might say “but we can’t do anything about cancer, that’s not the same!”

Isn’t it? We could outlaw smoking, for one. There is a whole lot of debate about just how much smoking pre-disposes you to cancer, but we think we can all agree that smoking doesn’t do anything good for your health, and we say this as a smoker. So, If It Saves Just One Life™ and all that. “But it’s a personal choice!” OK. How about driving? It’s also a known fact that emissions do nothing good for your lungs. Any amount of emissions. So why not ban cars? Why not shut down truck deliveries? Trains? Shipping?

If it Saves Only One Life!!!!™

It might kill a billion other lives thanks to the people starving to death, but who cares?


And then hold hands while we all die, knowing that we did all we could to SAVE ONE LIFE™!

Here’s the thing.

Life is risky. We hate to break it to you millennials and other individuals who’ve somehow managed to exclude the facts of life from your Personal Space™ because it triggers you, but life is risky. Yes. It is. Nobody survives it. We all die. All of us. We’ll repeat that: WE ALL DIE. Eventually. The moment you’re born, the clock starts ticking. But nobody is getting out of it alive.

Life, if lived well or, might we say, RATIONALLY, is a constant game of risk avoidance. Every time you go to the store, Wuhan Lung AIDS or not, you’re risking your life. You could be run over by a semi, you could have a standard car crash, you could stand next to somebody with a contagious disease, you could… the list goes on and on.

Every single morning you wake up, you could die. Every single night you go to sleep, you could never wake up again.

So you weigh the advantages of doing what you do against the potential risks of doing it, and choose accordingly.

That’s what normal people call life.

Or you set your hair on fire and decided that this LAST thing that might kill you will definitely, ASSUREDLY be the one thing that will kill you. And kill yourself in the process.

Against all evidence. Historical, personal or otherwise.

Every single day you wake up in the morning is a victory over the multitude of ways that you could have died. Could have. But you didn’t, did you?

Now, we don’t know how you feel, it’s entirely up to you and we make no value judgements, but we, personally, like to focus on that.

Because the alternative is to live in constant fear of something that is going to happen anyway, no matter WHAT you do.

You ARE going to die. Your death was pre-determined the day you got born. The clock started ticking the day you passed through the birth canal. You’re not going to get out of this one alive. But you ARE going to have a shot at LIVING, thanks to your birth.

Do you want to make the most of that, or do you want to cower under the coffee table for every single day of your life until death gets you anyway?

Are you willing to see everything you worked for your entire life, your business, job, home, savings, every single one of those things destroyed in exchange for the illusion that you might escape the inevitability of death, Just One More Day/Week/Month™ of watching everything you care about crashing around you in exchange for what, exactly?

Standing around in the post-apocalyptic ruins of everything you held dear saying “well, I didn’t die, so that’s something, right?”


It’s not.

In that scenario, the dead will be the lucky ones, as we used to say where I came from.

It’s time to stop being scared. It’s time to look death, inevitable as it is, is the face and say:

“You’ll get me one day, that much is certain, but today is not that day. And I refuse to live in fear of it for the few days that I’ve been granted.”

Fuck you, death, fuck you, hysterical fear-merchants, fuck all of you.

I choose to LIVE, for however many days that might be.

Be strong. Be alive. Enjoy this time you have on Earth rather than fear the inevitable, do not turn down the light on what is life for fear that it will end.

To my fellow Christians, remember the Resurrection, to my Jewish brothers and sisters, do not forget the importance of Pesach, and find hope and joy in it.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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