We don’t know if you caught it, but a Tennessee newspaper recently posted an editorial that makes for excellent reading in the way that it takes King Hussein and his “jobs policies” to the wood shed, beats it to shreds and then sets the shed on fire. While laughing maniacally. (h/t Bill Quick).

Of course, it made for an even better read with its original headline:

“Take your jobs plan and shove it, Mr. President: Your policies have harmed Chattanooga enough”

If you don’t believe us, take a gander at the HTML in the link, because obviously the Web Gurus at the hilariously mislabeled Free Press haven’t quite figured out how to change code as well. We know. It’s hard!

But it doesn’t end there. Apparently the original headline, written by one Drew Johnson, now formerly of the Free Press, was a little bit, how shall we put it, too free for the Free Press.

Lese Majeste and all that.

So they shit canned Mr. Johnson. Two weeks before his wedding.

Free Press editor Drew Johnson has been terminated after placing a headline on an editorial outside of normal editing procedures.

Johnson’s headline, “Take your jobs plan and shove it, Mr. President: Your policies have harmed Chattanooga enough,” appeared on the Free Press page Tuesday, the day President Barack Obama visited the city.

The headline was inappropriate for this newspaper. It was not the original headline approved for publication, and Johnson violated the normal editing process when he changed the headline.

OK, we’re only an Emperor here, so we’re a bit slow, but tell us if we’ve got it right: The editor of the Free Press (why can’t we stop giggling when we type that name?), got canned for “improperly” editing the headline of an editorial? Is that about right? You kicked out your editor for editing? Isn’t that what editors do? Edit, we mean?

Oh, we see. He violated the “normal editing process” when he edited. So apparently there’s a “proper” way of editing and an “improper” one. Odd that. Also utter bullshit, at least according to Mr. Johnson, who informs us that there was no such “process” or “guideline.” It was invented on the spot to give the Free Press (oh fuck, this shit is beginning to hurt, that’s how hard we’re laughing) an excuse to fire their editor for speaking ill of His Husseinic Majesty.

Not according to the Free, fuck, we can’t type that out again. The King Hussein Daily Propaganda Sheet, then.

The newspaper’s decision to terminate Johnson had nothing to do with the content of the editorial, which criticized the president’s job creation ideas and Chattanooga’s Smart Grid. The Free Press page has often printed editorials critical of the president and his policies.

You know, we actually believe that, seeing as how the full editorial still seems to be there, minus the headline.

Of course, that means that you’re admitting to firing him for saying naughty things about His Almighty Almightiness, the god Emperor Hussein.

Which we knew all along.

Seriously, at this point you’re just digging your hole deeper.

Not to mention that it’s not as if he wrote a headline fit for this charmingly family-oriented website which we’re the proud owner of, all he did was to cleverly paraphrase the title of a famous country song. “Shove it” is too disrespectful of Teh One™ for your Tennessean tastes?

Pathetic. Truly pathetic.

But you did achieve one thing, you sad sacks of taint-licking puppets, you managed to place yourselves on the map. Welcome to fame.

We know you won’t like it.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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