His Imperial Majesty has a lot of rules of thumbs for visiting other countries and even more handy dandy flash card reminders of what each country is like. Such as “when in Germany, don’t mention the war”, “France has a million kinds of cheese, none of which are edible by humans”, “don’t ever let a Russian open a bottle of vodka unless you’re prepared to empty it with him”, “don’t call an American south of the Mason-Dixon line ‘yankee’ unless you need dental surgery anyways, no matter how much you think that it just means ‘somebody from the U.S.'”, “don’t watch adult Japanese cartoons unless you’re comfortable with tentacles entering orifices where they most certainly do NOT belong” and “don’t EVER tell a Greek that his tzatziki has a bit too much garlic in it.”

Just to name a few.

And then there’s “when visiting Australia, be aware that the entire bloody continent is out to murder you in gruesome ways. Their wildlife, from the lowliest insect to the cuddliest mammal have only one mission in life, and that is to kill you dead. And that’s not even mentioning their plant life. Or their weather. Or anything else. Except for the natives, perhaps, who seem like decent enough chaps, or maybe it’s just because they’re too busy trying to keep their own country from killing them to bother with the likes of you.

Here’s proof. The following PSA which may or may not be entirely authentic, but might as well be. Just ask Steve Irwin. Oh wait, you can’t. He got murdered by Australian wildlife too, and he was a fucking CROC wrangler!


You have been warned.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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