And there was much rejoicing in the Empire, as the Imperial Staff expanded further.
It is His Imperial Majesty’s distinct pleasure to welcome LC CiSSnarl5.7 to the ranks of the Imperial Staff. First of all because we could surely use the help with His Imperial Majesty’s muse being temporarily incapacitated, but even more so because LC CiSSnarl5.7’s unique writing talents and capacity for Not Giving A Solitary Shit™ are already well-known around these parts.
As to compensation, we’ve determined to grant him Imperial Proconsul status over the Saracen Provinces of the Empire (also known as The Bloody ‘Stans and Outlying Counties), which we’re sure he will be thrilled to find out about. Oh, and the standard Imperial Pension Plan, of course, which covers all of your earthly expenses upon retirement until death. If you were to retire. Which you won’t. As it is not an option. Much like you don’t retire from the Cosa Nostre. But that’s just the tedious fine print, upon which dreary subject we shall spend no more time.
We expect much greatness and iron handedness from the newly minted Staffer, and we welcome him into our ranks while humbly asking G-d to give him strength.
The Emperor Misha I
Hammer of the Idiotarians, Terror of Tyrants, Protector of the Clue, Wielder of the One True Cluebat, Ruler of All of the Known Universe, Princeps of the Holy Order of Hyperbolic Excess and Invective Inventiveness &c.