We mean, seriously:

Out of 175,554 registered voters, 247,713 vote cards were cast in St. Lucie County, Florida on Tuesday. Barack Obama won the county.

When faced with the astronomical figures, Gertrude Walker, Supervisor of Elections for St. Lucie County, said she had no idea why turnout was so incredibly high. She was flabbergasted, saying, “We’ve never seen that here.”

Nor has anybody else, ma’am. In fact, we’re near certain that it’s a mathematical impossibility for more people to vote than actually exist, but we’re probably just being silly.

Coincidentally (or not), St. Lucie County is also in Allen West’s district, where 6,000 votes mysteriously “shifted” from Mr. West to his challenger.

When you’ve got 72,000 people voting who don’t even exist, it’s actually not all that mysterious.

Out of the 247,713 cards cast, somehow election machines counted 123,591 total votes.

Along with this questionable result, Mr. Obama also received over 99% of the vote in numerous districts in Broward County. In various districts in Cleveland, he received 100% of the vote. In Florida, Mr. Obama received over 99% of the vote in precincts where GOP inspectors had been removed.

Last time we remember seeing such impressive numbers, the Hussein receiving the votes’ first name wasn’t Barack.

You know, at some point His Imperial Majesty may just change his mind and decide to become a full-bore “sore loser.”


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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