Since Obama and his paid underlings are so very very confident of their inevitable victory that they’re now paying “protesters” $11/hr.

In Ohio.

(H/t LC Cheapshot).

Yep. That sure is a sign of a confident campaign alright. And they didn’t even manage to buy very many rent-a-crowd members either.

Sigh. Time to step up on the Imperial Soap Box and be Morale Officer again, and Harry V we’re not, but here goes:

Today, we’ll talk about something other than the relentless propaganda from the Obama/Media cabal, skewed polls and the unintended consequences of our own Eeyores’ attempts to be “objective”, because we’ve beaten that horse to death already. That’s not to say that we won’t re-animate it in the future by sticking some wires up its tender bits so we can deliver another beating at some point in the future, because we probably will. We enjoy that shit too much, is all we can say. Because we’re sick. The good kind of sick. What’s that? How would you like to have these battery cables attached to your scrotum? Thought so.

No, let’s take another part of the inevitable and predictable cycle of a presidential campaign, the brutal attack ad avalanches.

Yes, we know that we’re already hearing, mostly from Eeyores, the plaintive wails of “why haven’t they started yet? We were promised they would start right after the conventions!” Also, flying cars. But we digress. Sometimes we hear it from ourself too, which is mildly disturbing when you’re standing in front of the mirror in the morning, trying to shave. Because we look forward to that bit. It is going to be so much fun!

But it would also be pretty much entirely useless to start it up right now, five weeks out. Because we all know, if we think about it for more than a minute, that the average voter isn’t going to remember jack shit at the voting booth unless it happened during the previous two weeks. Also, the effect of ad dollars spent now can easily be wiped out in a matter of days by any number of sudden unforeseeable events between now and November, because voters are fickle. A bump is only worth the cost if it’s still there on election day.

Now is not the time to be carpet bombing the airwaves with expensive ads. It would be a stupid waste of resources. Now is the time for slowly rolling out a few to establish a steady drumbeat to keep the juices flowing, but nothing more than that. And that’s what we’re seeing. Then, in the last two weeks before the election, you open the floodgates.

Also, if you’re living in a solid red state (like us) or a solid blue one, you’re not going to see any ads at all. It would be, again, a pointless waste of necessarily scarce resources. Why blow millions of dollars in order to lose by 7 points instead of 9, dollars that could have made an actual difference in a swing state? We’re just going to have to resort to YouTube and the campaign site for our thrills, but that’s OK.

Incidentally, and briefly forgetting our promise to not talk about polls this time, this is what you should be looking for on the TeeVee: If you suddenly start seeing Obama ads (and we’re not talking about the Ogabe Steno Pool Media here, we’re talking about actual “I’m president Obama and I approve of this message” ads), then your state is up for grabs, no matter what the everhowling frack the Obamedia and Eeyores are telling you, because Odumbfuck is not exactly flush with cash like he was in 2008, so he’s not going to waste a penny on ads in your state unless he and his staff think they can lose it. THAT is an indicator of which side your state is leaning, better than any “poll.”

So, even as you fight to keep your lunch down at the sight of another Obama ad, rejoice in the fact that you live in a battleground state that Teh One™ thinks he might lose. And if you live in a state that he picked up in ’08, rejoice twice as much. Just please, no running around outside doing the nekkid happy dance. You can’t vote if you’re locked up on public indecency charges. Unless you’re voting Democrat, of course, in which case you can and will vote even if you’re dead. Particularly if you’re dead.

So back to the impending avalanche of ads against Obama. It’s coming. Mitt has the money, although it wouldn’t hurt if you were to throw some shekels his way if you have any. We have, and we would have never thought we would do that.

Will it work? Well. We’ve been thinking, and we want you to think about it too. Remember the primaries? WE sure do. We remember only too well how Mittens deliberately, surgically ad-bombed one after another of our preferred candidates out of the race. And we hated him for it, still do, because, needless to say, he’s not exactly our Dream Candidate and he didn’t exactly play fair. We’re sure you all feel pretty much the same way as we very much doubt that any of you had him at the top of your list either, so you feel the anger and betrayal too.

But one thing we also noticed in between grinding our teeth and wanting to strangle him with our bare hands was how bloody effective his campaign was in those bombardments. He took the competition out, systematically, one at a time, and it never failed. Every time somebody would creep up in the polls, he’d call in an adstrike and they’d be gone after the next primary. Without fail.

At the time our main reaction, in between entertaining fantasies of beating him up with nail-studded fence posts, was “sure, and then he’ll go all McCain when it comes to facing the real enemy”, but we’re not so sure about that anymore. The more we study him, the more we’ve watched his attacks and counter-attacks against Obam-bam, the more we’ve studied his history before his presidential ambitions, the more we recognize a personality type we’ve seen many times before, and that’s the personality type we like to call the “fixer.” Somebody whose sole purpose in life is to identify something he wants and then do whatever it takes to get it. Somebody who sees a problem and then sets about fixing it. They can be giant arseholes, and we’ve certainly seen enough of that from him in the primaries, but they also tend to get shit done and they’re absolutely ruthless when it comes to getting it done.

Initially, we saw him as just another jackwagon who just wanted to be president because he hadn’t checked that off on his CV yet. He certainly does want to be president, we don’t think there can be any doubt about that considering how long and how hard he’s worked at it (while being a ruthless arsehole at times if that’s what he felt it took), but we no longer think that he just wants the job because it’s a cool title, the way Obambam wanted it. We think he wants it because he sees the current state of the United States as yet another problem for him to fix, he sees it as just another Staples, headed for the sewer, that he can somehow turn around. Another clusterfuck like the Olympics that he can somehow turn into a success story. He sees a challenge, and that is like red meat to a starved lion to a personality type like his, if we are reading him right.

And it also means that he’ll happily resort to whatever it takes in order to get to where he can take on that challenge because, fuck it, he wants it and he wants it bad. There’s a mess, and it needs to be cleaned out. Which brings us back to the impending ad-alanche of doom and dirty fighting. Will it happen? We’re sure it will, because he isn’t going to let anything get in the way of him charging in to show ’em how it’s done. Will it work? Look at his track record from the primaries. Did it work then? It fucking obliterated his opponents. We don’t know how he did it, but we can’t recall a systematic campaign of destruction in U.S. politics as effective as that one.

Keep that in mind.

Does that mean that we suddenly love the Mitt? Not by a long shot. We disagree with him on a number of points just as vehemently as we always have, our unflinching and arrogant positions on just about anything under the sun haven’t changed one iota, we still believe that he’s not near conservative enough, we’re not even sure that he’s conservative at all, but we DO know that four more years of Obungles is going to fuck up this nation beyond any hope of repair by civil methods and that, at the moment, is all that matters.

If we are to even hope to be able to repair the damage that has been done without doing it the old fashioned way, which we’re fairly certain that none of us wish for, then we have to start by getting Obama kicked out of 1600 Penn Ave. And Mittens, sadly, is the only tool we have right now.

And we’re optimistic, to get back on point, that he has what it takes to utterly destroy that jugeared clownshoe in the weeks leading up to the election because, no matter how little faith we have in his conservative bona fides, we know that he is somebody who doesn’t enter a fight unless he’s determined to win, no matter what. Failure is not an option. He’s no “it’s my turn but I don’t really want to piss of the New York Times” doddering media whore like McVain, that’s for sure, and the debates will be highly entertaining, to say the very least.

We mean, seriously. Can you see O-Stutterfuck without his teleprompter lasting more than five minutes against somebody like Romney, because we sure can’t. Couple that with a relentless barrage of carefully aimed attack ads right before the election.

This is going to be FUN!


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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