We mean, seriously, have we reached the point where being too lazy to come up with new material and go with remakes instead has spread into life in general or what? It used to be limited to Hollywood and pretty much the entire music industry (and don’t get us started on network television).

Let’s see. An incompetent president whose only idea of how to solve a problem is to try what already failed every single time it was ever tried making things infinitely worse as a result. Inflation going nuts — and yes, we mean actual inflation where you look at the price of stuff that your average citizen might actually buy such as energy, food etc. as opposed to the consumer price index which has now “evolved” to the point where those items are left out since DC discovered that they could “hide the increase” by leaving those out — the deficit trying to set new records as government spends more and more money on shit they can’t pay for like a crack whore who was issued a platinum MasterCard by mistake, the kind of unemployment that makes the Weimar Republic look like a Wirtschaftswunder — in spite of the Bureau of Making the President Look Good Labor Statistics deeming people who’ve given up on trying to even get a job as panhandlers “non persons” — and the rest of the world going stark raving mad while a dickless wonder in the White House sits around like a eunuch at an all you can fuck buffet in Bangkok.

Seen that before or is it only us? OK, how about we throw in a few invasions of U.S. embassies with no response from said dickless wonder, murdered Americans all over the world with the same non-response.

Still not ringing a bell? OK. A previously friendly, if not exactly kosher, regime kicked out “because of teh freedom!!1!!!!” only to be replaced with a bunch of even more odious fuckwits who hate our guts more than they hate the case of goat herpes they got from humping their livestock silly, thus making us even worse off that we were before? No, wait, make that TWO such regimes.

What the fuck IS this? Carter II, The Return of the Sweater?

Yes, we know, we’re being unfair to Carter here. Sorry, Jimmy. At least you’re no longer the worst miserable failure of a useless twat president this country even knew. You’re now only number two.

A DISTANT number two.

Iraq: Basically a wrap when Odumbass took over, which obviously didn’t keep him from taking credit for all of the work done while he was still busy creating more Chicago slums but, give him a break. If he were to only take credit for stuff he’s actually accomplished, he’d never get to take any credit at all. Anyway. Pacified, under control, and now it’s likely to turn into a Grade A mess because Teh Dickless One decided to cut and run, leaving Iran to pick up the pieces.

Afghanistan: We shouldn’t really have done anything other than level that shithole and then got the fuck out, but whatever progress we’d made was instantly nullified when Teh One bravely announced that we were going to cut and run and gave the Taliban a date when they could take over their old digs again.

Libya: Another shithole run by an assmaggot who had, however, had the Fear of G-d put into him and was as harmless as a kitten, voluntarily turning in his nuke program as long as we wouldn’t do to him what we did to his old buddy Saddam. Now it’s a festering scrotum boil of pisslamic idiocy and violence, not to mention assorted sodomy and murder of U.S. diplomats, thanks to Teh One’s “smart diplomacy”, but mostly due to his asinine decision to protect EU oil interests in exchange for, well, nothing at all. Good job, Hussein! You replaced a thug who wouldn’t dare fart in the wrong direction for fear we would take him out with a bunch of ululating goatfuckers who couldn’t care less.

Egypt: Mubarak was no choirboy, but he was a fucker that we controlled like a damn puppet on strings made out of sweet, sweet greenbacks. He also happened to be the guy in control of one of the major players in the delicate Middle East balance of power that keeps our most loyal ally in that region safe or, at least, safe enough that they don’t have to worry about a total remake of the numerous previous attempts of the muslim animals’ attempts to finish the job that their hero, Adolf Hitler, failed to finish. He’d make the right noises to stay in power, but Israel never had to worry about their southwestern flank because he needed the U.S. moolah enough to not actually do anything about it. You fucked that up too. Now we have the muslim brotherfuckers running the show, the very same odious, flee-infested, child-molesting bastards who started the whole modern al-Qaeda thing going running a nation that we helped arm in return for them just keeping their damned cool. Way to GO, you fuckhead!

Syria: Oddly enough, Teh One hasn’t intervened in that one yet. Perhaps he thinks that the pisslamic fundamentalists can do the job on their own and get rid of the pencil-necked fuckhead without our assistance, so he doesn’t really need to help the fundamentalists out here? Don’t want to be too obvious about your support for anti-Semitic, genocidal savages here, maybe?

Iran: We have to be fair here. Ogabe is not exactly the only one who has displayed an utter lack of testicles on that issue. Dubya was not exactly confrontational there either, and that’s a British Understatement. But Ogabe cranked it up to 11. At this point we’re not entirely sure that he wouldn’t be willing to do a nuclear version of Fast and Furious and just send the mullahs a bunch of our old ICBMs, to “track” them of course, because shut up racist. No, that would be too obvious.

But when you have a “president” refusing to meet with the leader of a loyal ally living under the threat of imminent and repeatedly declared destruction so he can go rub himself against Beyonce and Jay-Z (and we’re not quite sure which he’d enjoy more, given his well-documented Chicago history), you have to start asking yourself if maybe there’s a plan here.

No, we don’t believe that Ogabe is a “secret mooselimb”. We don’t believe that he worships anything that doesn’t appear in his bathroom mirror when he shaves himself in the morning, but we’d be a complete idiot to not notice a pattern here.

What we know is that if we don’t get that narcissistic, incompetent clusterfuck voted out in November, he may just go down in history as the first Nobel “Peace” Prize Winner to start a world war.

Just saying, is all. We want to rebuild this nation as much as anyone and we are NOT happy with our choices this November, but if what we’ll be competing for after the elections is a nuclear slag heap because we were too busy standing on our principles, then we’re not sure that the prize is worth winning at all.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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