And His Imperial Majesty’s dismay is not in the least bit faked, as he was looking forward to a long weekend of Joe “One Heartbeat Away From the Presidency” Choo-Choo opening his senile, demented yap, offering us even more comedy gold than he has already bestowed upon our unworthy self.

But, alas, it was not to be

:Vice President Joe Biden is going home to Delaware.

The updated White House calendar for Aug. 17 reports that “in the morning, the Vice President will meet with senior advisers. Later, the Vice President will be in Wilmington, Delaware.”

“There are no public events scheduled,” said the 5:36 p.m. White House announcement, titled “Daily Guidance for the Vice President.”

Biden’s retreat home during the increasingly frenetic 2012 race comes amid increased criticism for his campaign-trail performance.

For the sake of Jove, quit criticizing the man! Keep it up and he may just be kicked from the ticket rather than sent back to the nursery home to think about what he’s done while slurping his oatmeal and clacking his dentures, and where would that leave us in the comic relief department???

Although we do have to admit that it’s hard not to let a few criticisms slip when he, all in the same day, manages to miss which state he’s in, which century he’s in and, to top it all off, tell a largely black audience this, while speaking about the GOP (and we’re just quoting him as well as how he said it): “Dey gon’ put y’all back in chains!”

Yes, we were sorely tempted to dress up that quote a bit extra along the lines of “…an’ den dem dere white folk will send y’all back to massah and tell da ovahseah to lay it on thick wif da wip on y’all’s backsides”, but why try to gild a three-headed monkey when the original is already ridiculous enough? Nothing quite as unintentionally hilarious as a white-as-grits Delaware yankee trying to put on Southern patois for the crowds. Actually, there is, come to think of it. His Imperial Majesty trying to do the same thing with a British accent, which is exactly why we only ever tried it once, but we digress.

Poor Uncle Choo-Choo, sent home and grounded.

Pretty soon we’ll be able to dust off this old song, slightly updated of course (apologies to the great Tom Lehrer):

Whatever became of Choo-Choo?
Has anyone heard a thing?
Once he shone on his own,
Now he sits home alone,
And waits for the phone to ring.

Once a fiery liberal spirit,
Ah, but now when he speaks he must clear it.
Second fiddle’s a hard part I know,
When they won’t even give you a bow.

Poor old Unca Choo-Choo. Sent to the corner where he’s now standing alone and dejected, clutching his dunce cap while big, salty tears of rejection roll down his sagging jowls. And, what’s worse, leaving the rest of us without the comedy gold that he can always be counted upon to provide whenever he tries to form a sentence!





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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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