From our good friend and fellow OG’er, Bill Quick, we found yet another post that pissed us right the fuck off. He’s so very good at that. He must be in cahoots with the Pharma company that makes our blood pressure medication. But we love him anyways. Besides, if we didn’t get Right Royally Riled every so often, what in the name of Satan’s inflamed hemorrhoids would we be posting about? Cats? Yeah, you’d love that, wouldn’t you? You’d just eat that shit UP. Don’t lie. You want more kitties. You know you do.

But before we link and get into a Righteously Raving, Ranting mode, we want to make a few things clear: We are most definitely NOT fans of Monday Morning Quarterbacking shootings involving cops. Or servicemen. Or for that matter anybody finding themselves in a situation where the shiite is about to hit the rotating ventilation device and deadly force is actually on the table.

When all of the components required for a Fujita Five Fucktastic Fuckup are present, gut instinct and muscle reflexes are all that you have separating you from an early grave and yes, they will occasionally be wrong. We understand that. We all fuck up and there, but for the Grace of G-d and so on. Unfortunately, in those situations the fuckups usually can’t be fixed with a shame-faced apology, some financial restitution and a heaping helping of crow, but that doesn’t make them any different in principle, so we try very hard not to second-guess people’s guesses in situations where they barely had time to guess in the first place.

Got that? Good. If you come back at us in the comments and clearly demonstrate that you skipped the past two paragraphs, don’t come whinging to us when the bumps on your bodies from the Imperial Cluebat of Demoniacal Derision™ make you look like a victim of the bubonic plague.

HoooowEVER… What we have even less tolerance for his pathetic excuses, self-serving blame-shifting and piss poor prior planning when shit does happen, and this case has all of the above and then some.

Deputies shoot, kill man after knocking on wrong door

We’re exhibiting restraint here, and it’s not easy, considering just how fucking sick and tired we are of the “oops, we knocked on the wrong door” excuse. It’s not like we don’t hear it about forty-fucking-seven times a week. What? Nobody does research anymore before they send the equivalent of half the National Guard (only without any actual training) to somebody’s door, weapons hot and good to shoot?

No, we’re still not talking about the “shit has hit the fan. Repeat, shit has HIT THE FAN!” stage of the op here. We’re talking about the “where’s the damn fan in the first place?” stage. The bit where ye olde Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance™ rules, if you managed to successfully graduate from Kindergarten without a waiver for your first six unsuccessful attempts. If you’re not abso-fucking-lutely positive that you’re looking at the actual location of the fan, then maybe you shouldn’t go in like you’re finally realizing your dreams of kicking in doors in Fallujah, the dreams that were thwarted by the armed forces when they found out your dick was five fucking inches too short for you to wear a uniform.

In the early-morning hours, deputies knocked on 26-year-old Andrew Lee Scott’s door without identifying themselves as law enforcement officers. Scott answered the door with a gun in his hand.

“When we knocked on the door, the door opened and the occupant of that apartment was pointing a gun at deputies, and that’s when we opened fire and killed him,” Lt. John Herrell said. “Even though this subject is not the one we were looking for when he opened the door. He was pointing the gun at the deputy and if you put yourselves in the deputy’s shoes. They were there to pick up someone who was wanted for an attempted homicide.”

In the interest of accuracy, we should point out that “early morning hours” in this case was 1:30 am, also known as O Dark Thirty or What The Fuck, Over?

Now we ask you, with tears in our eyes: Just what the fuck would you do if somebody banged on your door without identifying themselves at that time of night? No, seriously, we’re asking you that question. There may or may not be a test later, but it’s still important: What would you do? Keep in mind that you have no fucking idea who’s knocking, you don’t have the 20/20 hindsight that those of us lucky enough to be alive still to read the article because we don’t live in Barney Fife Country (or at least think we don’t), you just know that some unknown dudes are hammering on your door long after anybody should be hammering on it at all.

Cut out what you know now, just think about what the now dead Mr. Scott knew. It’s 1:30 am, somebody is knocking on my door. Do I bring a piece when I open or don’t I? His Imperial Majesty doesn’t even know what kind of neighborhood Mr. Scott used to live in, even though it might be relevant, because it doesn’t matter. Some assclowns are making a ruckus outside at an ungodly hour. Do you do your Mr. Rogers routine and hope they’re not going to hurt you or do you come prepared?


Officials said the deputies did not identify themselves because of safety reasons.

It’s quite obvious that the “safety reasons’ involved had nothing to do with Mr. Scott’s safety. Mr. Scott couldn’t be reached for comment, since he’d assumed ambient temperature. For safety reasons.

And now it gets truly bizarre because, obviously, the trigger happy deputies can’t possiblybe at fault here:

“It’s just a bizarre set of circumstances. The bottom line is, you point a gun at a deputy sheriff or police office, you’re going to get shot,” Herrell said.

That sound acceptable to you? Because we’re here to let you know that if you point a gun at us, you’re going to get shot, and we’re quite good at it too, we might add. Modestly. What’s missing here is that the only fucking reason that you had a gun pointed at you was that you gave the guy you murdered every reason in the book to be pointing a gun in your general direction. Think maybe that shouting “open up, police” might have made it less likely that he’d be having a gun in his hand when opening the door?

“Oh, but if he’d been the real suspect, he might have run off in that case!”

And that’s somehow worse than gunning down an innocent citizen? We don’t really give a flying fuck about your high score on your performance reviews if they’re more important than the safety of the people that you’re actually paid to PRO-FUCKING-TECT. “To serve and protect?” We’re not talking about your performance scores there, you know. Keep that in mind, assholes.

And then we get the worst offense:

“He was the wrong guy and he got shot and killed anyway. There’s fault on both sides. I think more so on the county,” Ryan Perry said. “I can understand why he [the deputy] did it, but it should have never gone down like that,” Perry said.

No, asshole. There is NOT “fault on both sides” in this particular case. The COUNTY didn’t know that they were hitting the right location, the COUNTY didn’t announce themselves out of concern that their prize fugitive might escape if they did and the COUNTY shot and murdered an innocent citizen as a result. The CITIZEN didn’t do anything even remotely wrong by answering the door armed in the middle of the night. We’d have done the same thing, except we wouldn’t be the only ones going to the county morgue in a bag, because we wouldn’t have presented an easy target.

You fucked up. OWN it. Don’t piss us off further by trying to make up sad excuses.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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