…may actually end up at two tables near the kitchen at a local iHOP if the trends continue. But maybe he’ll finally have time to eat his waffle if that’s the case.

As if it’s not funny enough that Democrat Socialist Congress critters keep realizing, one after another, that oops, they had another appointment scheduled for Obam-Bam’s Big Day — but the Democrat Socialist Party is “doing just fine” and Obam-Bam is going to win in a landslide in November, ayup. It’s just that it’s such a given that, really, who needs to go to the Party Convention to nominate him? — it now looks as if the Greek Styrofoam Columns of 2012 are getting downgraded a bit (h/t Jim Treacher):

Democrats canceled a political convention kick-off event at the Charlotte Motor Speedway and will move the activities to Charlotte’s main business district, the convention’s host committee announced.

“While we regret having to move CarolinaFest away from our great partners at the Charlotte Motor Speedway and the City of Concord, we are thrilled with the opportunity that comes with hosting this event in Uptown Charlotte,”

“We’re thrilled, THRILLED we tell you that we have to move to a smaller venue, IT’S JUST WHAT WE ALWAYS WANTED!”

We’re getting a sense of deja vu here, what could it possibly be? Oh yes, we got it, let’s go back in time to our early teen years:

“Oh no, Aunt Martha, this lovely knitted sweater is really the best gift we could possibly imagine! It’s not like we could have found the room for that silly stereo that we, in a fit of temporary insanity, actually put on our wish list. This is SO much better!”

The move comes as party planners are grappling with a fundraising deficit of roughly $27 million, according to two people familiar with the matter who requested anonymity to discuss internal party politics.

Aw shucks. When you add the fact that this shortfall is more than 2/3 of their goal, it gets even funnier.

Murrey said that logistics, not costs, were behind the decision to cancel the Speedway event.

“In order to facilitate public caucus meetings — and to maximize accessibility, transportation, and proximity of all guests — we have decided that moving CarolinaFest 2012 to Uptown Charlotte is the best way to achieve that goal,”

Of course. Because you had absolutely no idea about the logistics issues with the original site that you’ve had your sights on since G-d knows when, nosirree! It just all came to you right when you only managed to raise less than 1/3 of what you were aiming for. Pure coincidence! Seriously, aunt Martha! This sweater is REALLY nice!

Dammit, our Schadenboner is beginning to get painful here, but we shouldn’t seek medical help unless it lasts for more than 4 hours, right?

Oh, and they’re shortening the convention from 4 to 3 days too. Which, again, is all about logistics or, as they put it “setting off a day to celebrate the Carolinas, Virginia and the South.” No, we’re not making this up. A REALLY lovely sweater, that one is!

In all fairness, and lackluster fundraising issue aside, it probably doesn’t make much sense to hold the convention at the original venue when your guests are dropping off the list faster than peasants during the Black Death.

But they’re really “doing just fine.” Don’t you read the polls published every day by the Ogabe Steno Pool media, according to which their LightBringer is going to beat that evil Mormon whose wife rides… HORSES, and beat him by at least double digits, if not triple digits if all the dead voters and illegals get to cast their votes again?

Since we’re busy kicking a fascist when he’s down while furiously stroking our aforementioned — let’s just not go there –, on top of the already desperate and creepy “send Ear Leader your wedding, birthday and anniversary gifts (not to mention your foreskins from your bris) campaign, they’ve now added a lovely “date night” with the Obam-Bams for a donation to the Progressive Utopia of Next Tuesday™. Heck, if you’re really lucky, you and your companion of your choice might get a foursome with Dumbo and the First Wookie!

Whoops. There goes the Schadenboner. Guess we won’t have to call the doctor anyway. Of course, we also won’t be able to have actual sex for at least 8 months, but we guess that’s the price you have to pay some times.

Are you done gagging yet? Because there’s more! It appears that soliciting prostitution time with the Junta members is the next big thing for the National Socialist Democrat Workers’ Party. Guess who you can also win a dinner with if you send some shekels to the NSDWP? You’re not going to believe it and please, don’t all rush to the link at once or you’ll crash the steam driven servers the NSDWP have to use these days (because of LOGISTICS, dammit!). No, you’ll never guess it, so here comes:

Debbie Downer Wasserbrain-Schultze!

Hey! Where did everybody go! Come BACK here! If you don’t, we’re going to enter donations in YOUR NAMES!

His Imperial Majesty is sensing a trend here and, if anything, we’re a giver, so here are a few additional suggestions for this gold mine that the NSDWP are digging into:

“A Lovely Day at the Spa with Barney “Velvet Gums” Frank”

“A Night at the Ballet with Rahm “Tu Tu” Emmanuel”

“A Three Day Honeymoon on a Desert Island with Nancy “Stretch” Pelosi”

“An Enchanting Weekend Retreat at a Motel 8 with Bill “Humidor” Clinton (contraception, ice packs and subsequent therapy sessions INCLUDED!)”

Feel free to add your own in the comments.

Seriously, though, and just to prove that we really only have the best interests of Ear Leader and his party in mind, they’re doing it all wrong. What they SHOULD be doing is to put up a giant ad stating that anybody who HASN’T donated by, say, September 1, will be entered into the sweepstakes for a combo package of All of the Above.

THAT would get the gelt flowing in. We guaran-damn-tee it.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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