As we learn that the pisslamist fundamentalist Muslim Brotherhood just got their terrist-in-chief elected president of Egypt.

The Muslim Brotherhood’s Mohammed Morsi has officially won Egypt’s presidential election and will be the country’s next president, the electoral commission has announced.

Ah yes. The Arab Spring. Freedom-loving Egyptians cheering in the streets, updating their Facebook statuses and Tweeting about the glorious, democratic, peace-loving Utopia of Next Tuesday™ while pundits here in the West were having synchronized orgasms, predicting how this was surely the beginning of the end of pisslamist fundamentalism in the Middle East. “Just look at those totally secular, happy, wonderful people in the streets!”

And here we were, His Imperial Majesty and other contributors to the Imperial HQ, grumbling and moaning that, in all of the history of mankind it was never really important who started an uprising and regime change, all that really mattered was who had the infrastructure and organization to take over once the dust settled.

“Tut, tut. Why do you hate freedom so much? Don’t you agree that that horrid Mubarak, that Evil Tyrant, had to go?”

Beside the point. At least if you have the IQ required to boil water. Sure, getting rid of tyrants is certainly a worthwhile pursuit (unless said tyrant happens to be a certain Imperial Sith Emperor), but that’s only half the equation or less: What you have to ask yourself whenever somebody odious is about to be removed from power is “who is going to replace him?” and, even more importantly, “is the replacement going to be an improvement?”

So now a dictator has been removed (yay!) who was in our pocket and who had a peace treaty with our vital ally Israel, and been replaced with a bunch of bearded, savage, medieval fanatics whose most important goal in life is to kill the infidel in general and the Jews in particular.

Not so much “yay.” But, but, but… FREEDOM!

If you mean freedom to stone people, freedom to burn down churches and murder the congregations, freedom to rape female journalists in the streets then, by all means. And get the fuck out of our country while you’re at it.

So the Middle East is about to become even more interesting than it already is. Which gives all of us one more reason to get rid of Hussein bin-Bama in November, because if you think that he’s going to lift one little finger for our faithful ally Israel when the mooselimb shit hits the fan, then we’ve got an almost finished but fully operational Death Star we’d like to sell you. Cheap.

And if you’re Jewish and you DON’T vote against boy king Obama in November, then you really need to ask for your foreskin back.


(Comrade Petukh Ogabe could not be reached for comment as he was heroically braving the heat for his 101st game of golf. No, seriously, we’re not kidding you).

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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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