Thanks to a tip from an equally outraged Imperial Mopester, who doesn’t much like it when somebody steals his shtick (we can’t link since the Associated (with terrorists) Press still hasn’t paid us for the linkage we’ve provided them over the years):

BALTIMORE (AP) — A Maryland man faces trial in a $9.1 million fraud case that is shedding light on problems in a renewable energy credits program run by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency.

Federal prosecutors accuse Rodney Hailey of Perry Hall of selling renewable fuel credits even though his company, Clean Green Fuel LLC, did not produce any renewable fuel. Instead, prosecutors say he pocketed the money and bought Ferraris and other luxury cars, as well as tractor-trailers, homes, jewelry and computers.

Alright, seriously, we’re a tiny bit conflicted here. On the one hand, we’re inclined to break into an Imperial Belly Laugh™ at Idiotarians falling for such an obvious scam. We mean, indulgences are SO last millennium. Even the Vatican doesn’t do those anymore, and they’re not an entity to let go of tradition easily, let us tell you. On the other hand, we do realize that some of the companies bringing suit are caught between a rock and a hard place. They can either buy their indulgences like good little peons, or get penalized by King Ogabe’s EPA for not introducing biofuels that don’t even exist. So they ended up buying indulgences that don’t come with any actual, you know, indulgence, so now they’re out $9 million plus whatever fines Ogabe’s ReichsEnergieAmt decide to impose on them for not being compliant.

Which, of course, we all end up paying for, being consumers of energy and all. Yes, that includes YOU, you drooling retard Fiddy2ers, in case you were wondering. Still waiting for your Messiah to come around to pay your utility bill, mortgage and fill up the tank of your car? Keep waiting.

On the third hand (yes, we do. An unfortunate incident in our younger years in the Imperial Labs. Freak mutation. We don’t like to talk about it much. Although it does have the benefit of allowing us to use both hands on the keyboard when we’re browsing for… Let’s not talk about Twi’lek strippers, shall we?), we’re most of all outraged, OUTRAGED that somebody stole LC Mope’s idea. We’d already drawn up plans for a collaboration between him and the Imperial Treasury along those lines. Perfectly legal too. A big “Ego te absolvo” printed in bold type on the front of the parchment, with the fine print absolving ourselves of any guilt for having led the poor, gullible purchaser to believe that it was actually worth anything.

Sort of like a software EULA. The kind that nobody reads anyway. Which, coincidentally, they ought to. Particularly the bit usually hid towards the end. The bit signed in what looks like blood and which reeks mildly of sulfur. But we digress. Because OUR “EULA” would be written in 3pt typeface. In Aramaic. Cursive. Encrypted. You get the drift.

Oh well. Back to the drawing board.


0 0 votes
Article Rating

By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments