Ain’t had one in awhile so when a friend sent this, figured what the fuck, can’t dance.
AK-47 vs. M-16/AR-15 vs. Mosin Nagant.
AK-It works though you have never cleaned it. Ever.
AR-You have $9 per ounce special non-detergent synthetic Teflon infused oil for cleaning.
MN-It was last cleaned in Berlin in 1945.
AK-You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from inside.
AR-You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from 600 meters.
MN-You can hit the farm from two counties over.
AK-Cheap mags are fun to buy.
AR-Cheap mags melt.
MN-What’s a mag?
AK-Your safety can be heard from 300 meters away.
AR-You can silently flip off the safety with your finger on the trigger.
MN-What’s a safety?
AK-When out of ammo your rifle will nominally pass as a club.
AR-When out of ammo, your rifle makes a great wiffle bat.
MN-When out of ammo, your rifle makes a supreme war club, pike, boat oar, tent pole, or firewood.
AK-Recoil is manageable, even fun.
MN-Recoil is often used to relocate shoulders thrown out by the previous shot.
AK-Your sight adjustment goes to “10”, and you’ve never bothered moving it.
AR-Your sight adjustment is incremented in fractions of minute of angle.
MN-Your sight adjustment goes to 12 miles and you’ve actually tried it.
AK-Your rifle can be used by any two bit nation’s most illiterate conscripts to fight elite forces worldwide.
AR-Your rifle is used by elite forces worldwide to fight two bit nations’ most illiterate conscripts.
MN-Your rifle has fought against itself and won every time
AK-Your rifle comes with a cheap nylon sling.
AR-Your rifle has a 9 point stealth tactical suspension system.
MN-You rifle has dog collars.
AK-Your bayonet makes a good wire cutter.
AR-Your bayonet is actually a pretty good steak knife.
MN-Your bayonet is longer than your leg.
AK-You can put a .30″ hole through 12″ of oak, if you can hit it.
AR-You can put one hole in a paper target at 100 meters with 30 rounds.
MN-You can knock down everyone else’s target with the shock wave of your bullet going downrange.
AK-Your rifle won some revolutions.
AR-Your rifle won the Cold War.
MN-Your rifle won a pole vault event.
AK-You paid $350.
AR-You paid $900.
MN-You paid $59.95.
AK-You buy cheap ammo by the case.
AR-You lovingly reload precision crafted rounds one by one.
MN-You dig your ammo out of a farmer’s field in Ukraine and it works just fine.
AK-You can intimidate your foe with the bayonet mounted.
AR-You foes laugh when you mount your bayonet.
MN-You can bayonet your foe on the other side of the river without leaving the comfort of your hole.
AK-Service life, 50 years.
AR-Service life, 40 years.
MN-Service life, 100 years, and counting.
AK-It’s easier to buy a new rifle when you want to change cartridge sizes.
AR-You can change cartridge sizes with the push of a couple of pins and a new upper.
MN-You believe no real man would dare risk the ridicule of his friends by suggesting there is anything but 7.62x54r.
AK-You can repair your rifle with a big hammer and a swift kick.
AR-You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith, it’s under warranty!
MN-If your rifle breaks, you buy a new one.
AK-You consider it a badge of honor when you get your handguards burst into flames.
AR-You consider it a badge of honor when you shoot a sub-MOA 5 shot group.
MN-You consider it a badge of honor when you cycle 5 rounds without the aid of a 2×4.
AK-After a long day the range you relax by watching “Red Dawn”.
AR-After a long day at the range you relax by watching “Blackhawk Down”.
MN-After a long day at the range you relax by visiting the chiropractor.
AK-After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for a stiff shot of Vodka.
AR-After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for hotdogs and apple pie.
MN-After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for shishkabob.
AK-You can accessorize you rifle with a new muzzle brake or a nice stock set.
AR-Your rifle’s accessories are eight times more valuable than your rifle.
MN-Your rifle’s accessory is a small tin can with a funny lid, but it’s buried under an apartment building somewhere in Budapest.
AK-Your rifle’s finish is varnish and paint.
AR-Your rifle’s finish is Teflon and high tech polymers.
MN-Your rifle’s finish is low grade shellac, cosmoline and Olga’s toe nails.
AK-Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Mikhail Kalashnikov.
AR-Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Eugene Stoner.
MN-You’re not sure there WERE cameras to photograph Sergei Mosin.
AK-Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to hold your rifle over your head and shout “Wolverines!”
AR-Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to clear your house, slicing the pie from room to room.
MN-Late at night, you sometimes have to fight the urge to dig trench in the the yard to sleep in.