Or something. It’s a good thing that the Ogabe Steno Pool (formerly the “Main Stream Media”) keep focusing on the big issues instead of the insolvency of the United States and the ever worsening job numbers and other economic indicators.

Scary times for environment — especially if Mitt Romney wins

We tried to reach The Environment for comment, but it was so scared it refused to come out from under the coffee table that it was curled up beneath in the fetal position, sucking its thumb.

For anyone who cares about the environment, it may be time to press the panic button.

The grim report on jobs Friday greatly improves the odds that Republicans will win in November,

Which, of course, is the only concern the jobs report ought to raise in the hearts of true believers. They’ll get around to worrying about the plight of the jobless Americans later.

Priorities, don’t you know?

putting Mitt Romney in the White House and bolstering GOP positions in the House and Senate.

If that happens, they promise to roll back the progress made under President Obama and Environmental Protection Agency administrator Lisa Jackson.

One can only hope. Because this nation won’t be able to survive that kind of “progress” for much longer.

Romney wants to strip the EPA of its power to regulate carbon emissions.

A power that it doesn’t have in the first place, under that quaint old document some of us still revere, the United States Constitution. Also a power that will cause energy prices to “necessarily skyrocket”, at least by a factor of eight, when energy plants are forced to shut down all over the country.

Which is great news for all of those additional millions of jobless Americans who can’t afford their utility bills right now, not to mention the millions of additional jobless Americans who used to work in the energy industry.

Jackson relied on that power to enact rules that will double automobile efficiency standards by 2025 and toughen truck standards, too.

And here we thought that automobile efficiency was driven by technological advances! Little did we know that all it takes is government regulation. How stupid we were. While our wonderful SCoaMF-led Almighty Government are at it, could they please enact a rule halving gravity so we won’t have to strain so hard when lifting heavy stuff and, also, enact a rule under which the wind is required to blow in our back no matter where we’re going? Maybe make water less wet as well?

All this time the automobile industry was holding back on us, knowing full well that nobody would be interested in buying a car that could travel twice as far on the same amount of gas so, wisely, they held back on producing such cars. We can’t wait for those new magical wonder cars to arrive, thanks to SCoaMF and his wonderful EPA’s ruling. Of course, we probably won’t be able to buy one of them, seeing as how we’ll all be out of work.

Transportation is the largest single source of air pollution. So cutting emissions in half will make a profound change, especially in a car-centric state such as New Jersey. It also will reduce oil imports sharply, lessening our dangerous dependence on unstable regimes in the Mideast.

You know what else would lessen our dangerous dependence on unstable regimes in the Middle East (“Mideast?” What’s up with the unstable regimes in Kentucky and Ohio anyway? Something else we didn’t know)? Developing our own abundant resources, that’s what. And why is it that, according to the Ogabe Steno Pool, those Middle Eastern regimes are only ever unstable and dangerous when it comes to oil imports, but are “valuable partners for peace and so utterly NOT dangerous and oh so peace loving” when it comes to debating religion, culture and whether or not Israel really has it coming anyway?

Romney also has promised to pull back on subsidies for green energy,

No more billions of dollars of other people’s money for friends and family programs in failed industries that go bankrupt after having lived high on the hog on borrowed money that they’ll never have to pay back?

How will this nation survive without the likes of Solyndra?

But that’s not all. Romney has promised a broad campaign to cut regulations on water and land, as well. He suggests that any new regulations would have to be approved by Congress, a frightening prospect if the extremists in the GOP strengthen their grip.

What??? Congress having oversight over regulations as opposed to having unelected bureaucrats appointed by Ear Leader determining what the law of the land is? Government of the people, by the people and for the people?


President Obama’s record on the environment is mixed. Even during his first two years, before Republicans took control of the House, he was unable to bring coal-state Democrats along to pass climate-change legislation.

You’re not trying to tell us that those horrible meanies were trying to represent the constituencies that elected them, are you? Because that would just be too horrible for words. It would almost be like, we shudder to even utter the words, representative government.

A President Romney might not be able to reverse those regulations without new legislation. And even if Republicans make gains, Democrats will be able to block the worst legislation with 41 votes in the Senate. The dreaded filibuster rule could finally come in handy.

Democrat National Socialists using the filibuster = handy. Republicans even threatening to do so (but never actually following through) = the worst disaster facing our nation and the only reason that Ear Leader, our Progressive Messiah, He Who Made the Waters Recede and the Planet Cool™ hasn’t been able to bring about the Glorious People’s Utopia of Next Tuesday™ yet.

Ah, the fabled “unbiased journalism” of the main stream media.

Pop quiz: You’re deployed, deep in The Suck™, and you observe a fanatical haji teenager with a car battery obviously sneaking up to set off the hidden charges that will blow your position sky high. You also observe a reporter from the “unbiased media” just waiting to document your baby-killing ways with his camera and satellite uplink. You only have one bullet. What do you do?

You shoot the haji, of course.

Business before pleasure.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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