Yes, we know that Nanny BloomPanties’ ban on soft drink containers larger than 16oz has been in the news for a couple of days, but as reports filter in from the more exasperatingly retarded Imperial Provinces in ever increasing numbers, it’s getting hard to keep up.

But it turns out that us not getting to this story from the black hole of terminal stupidity that is NY, NY, until now only allowed us to hit it at the exact point where it became even more stupid than it originally was: When Nanny BloomieFascist defended his latest meddling into none of his frackin’ business on National Doughnut Day, a day that he supports very much and very officially.


Which would be funny enough in itself, but the senile, drooling old fascist decided to triple down on stupid by claiming that there wasn’t a logical disconnect between the two — on one hand being against people being allowed to drink their Coke in any cup size they damn well want and, on the other, promoting one of the single most empty servings of triple-digit calories known to this nation — that in fact… No, let us let him do the beclowning himself:

“It doesn’t sound ridiculous,” Bloomberg replied. “One doughnut is not going to hurt you. In moderation most things are OK.

Actually, one doughnut contains a significantly larger amount of calories than a 20oz Coke, but don’t let facts get in the way of you smearing that 60oz omelet around in your own idiot face, Bloomies.

“If anything in moderation works for doughnuts — why not with soft drinks?” Lauer asked, interrupting.

“That is exactly what we’re trying to do with soft drinks — is get you to drink in moderation,” Bloomberg replied. “Instead of the big 32-ounce, get two 16-ounces if you want. But history shows, all the tests show, what you’ll do is you’ll probably only drink one.”

“Get you to” being another way of saying “force you to”, to which His Imperial Majesty only has this to say: We really don’t need anybody forcing us to do anything, you liver-spotted old waste of oxygen, as a matter of fact we resent it a great deal and, by the way, if finding ourself at the receiving end of force, we tend to reply with force. As is our right as a citizen of an at least once free nation.

Seriously, New Yawk? This is what you elect to hound, nanny and harass yourselves? You did this to yourselves voluntarily?

We’ll keep that in mind the next time one of you tries to propagate the notion of Noo Yawkers as tough, independent, never take bullshit from anybody tough guys.

And then we’ll laugh ourself half to death, but it will be worth the pain.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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