We’re sure you enjoyed the Imperial Minister of Truth’s brutal smackdown of Chris “Mangina” Hayes’ disgusting statement as much as we did and, if not, you’re to report to the Imperial Reeducation Campus by tomorrow, 0328 hrs, also known as “o dark clusterfuck”, for your remedial training sessions.

“Uncomfortable with using the word ‘hero’ to describe our soldiers because it’s ‘rhetorically proximate to glorifying war'”, our pained Imperial Arse.

We all know what the real reason that you’re “uncomfortable” with others being called “heroes”, lil’ Christina, and it’s because you know full well, deep within whatever passes for a “heart” in your chest cavity, that the odds of you ever being called “hero” by any sentient being in any non-sarcastic fashion are about three orders of magnitude lower that Ogabe’s odds of becoming the next Pope.

There is nothing complex or nuanced about it, Christina, it is simply your own insecurity, self-loathing and realization that you’re a cowardly little pussy crawling up and whispering in your ears, reminding you of all of that which you try to deny in order to not jump off a bridge. But don’t take it too hard, little one, because it also means that somewhere, deep inside, you know what you are, what you’ve allowed yourself to become, and some corner of your soul hates it. You can still recover. But it will take some work. But at least you’re aware to an extent.

Anyway. Since we published Bill Whittle’s verbal slicing, dicing and shredding of poor little Christina, we suppose it’s only fair that we also publish her “apology.”

Sheesh, the things we do to be Imperially Fair and Balanced. Sigh. Here we go, but hold your noses:

On Sunday, in discussing the uses of the word “hero” to describe those members of the armed forces who have given their lives, I don’t think I lived up to the standards of rigor, respect and empathy for those affected by the issues we discuss that I’ve set for myself. I am deeply sorry for that.

Aww… Somebody got called into the manager’s office, did she? Because that is exactly what that babble about “standards of rigor, respect and empathy” means when appearing in the “apology” of a mediot. “Pwease don’t fire me! I promise I’ll do better!” Why on EARTH a manager at PMSNBC would be concerned about losing one of that network’s three viewers is beyond us, though.

The simpler, and more honest version, would have been “listen, I was an insufferable asshat and there is no excuse for that. I have no fucking clue what I was saying or why I was saying it.”

Moving on:

As many have rightly pointed out, it’s very easy for me, a TV host, to opine about the people who fight our wars, having never dodged a bullet or guarded a post or walked a mile in their boots.

Okay. Not bad, but that’s really not the point, is it? We mean, nice and true it most certainly is, but even if you’d personally stormed and carried the beaches of Normandy your statement would still be asshattery of an almost impressively cluefucked magnitude.

Of course, that is true of the overwhelming majority of our nation’s citizens as a whole.

What, exactly? That an “overwhelming majority of our nation’s citizens as a whole (By the way, that is some seriously fucked up language there from somebody who gets paid to talk. Overwhelming majority of our nation’s citizens as a whole as opposed to an overwhelming majority of our nation’s citizens as a part? English, motherfucker! DO. YOU. SPEAK. IT?) haven’t served? You might want to check your numbers. Majority, most likely, but “overwhelming?”

Or is it an “overwhelming majority” who, like you, have shown their arses in such a spectacular fashion that every last eukaryote in this nation now knows the folds of your hemorrhoids more intimately than your Primary Care Physician?

Either way you, like your hemorrhoids, are full of shit. But do carry on, perhaps it will all become clear:

One of the points made during Sunday’s show was just how removed most Americans are from the wars we fight, how small a percentage of our population is asked to shoulder the entire burden

Finally you’re making a point! America is not at war. The Marine Corps is at war. America is at the mall. Unfair to the other branches who most certainly are NOT at the mall, but the point is a good one.

Unfortunately for your imbecilic “apology”, it has absolutely nothing to do with your sub-retarded, envious statement that you don’t like calling troops “heroes”.

and how easy it becomes to never read the names of those who are wounded and fight and die, to not ask questions about the direction of our strategy in Afghanistan, and to assuage our own collective guilt about this disconnect with a pro-forma ritual that we observe briefly before returning to our barbecues.

Speak for yourself, you bespectacled, laughable, pathetic little liberal fascist worm living in your liberal fascist bubble. We’re absolutely sure that you’re right that in your little universe inhabited solely by fellow travelers that is a true statement. We’d have an easier time believing in bigfoot or that Lizzy Fauxcahontas Warren’s genes have ever rubbed base pairs with an actual Cherokee than we’d have trying to imagine a bunch of your kind observing as much as a nanosecond of silence for America’s fallen, but out here in the real America, that just isn’t the case.

And nice touch with the “never read the names of those who are wounded and fight and die” bit. Don’t think we haven’t noticed that the only, ONLY time you liberal fascist media whores show an obsession with depicting endless pictures of flag-draped coffins while endless lists of names scroll across the screen is when a Republican is president. For some reason, and we can’t for the Imperial Life of us figure out why, that whole trend disappeared right around January of 2009 along with the endless stories of homeless people and the plight of the unemployed.

Out here in Bitterly Clinging Flyover America, we honor our fallen ALL THE TIME, not just when there’s a president to criticize.

But, most of all, what in the name of Woden’s left testicle does that have to do with your original statement that we shouldn’t call fallen Americans “heroes?”

Seriously? Could you make this mea culpa a little bit more mea and a lot less “everybody else?”

But in seeking to discuss the civilian-military divide and the social distance between those who fight and those who don’t,

You were doing nothing of the sort, you lying little pus bag. You were expressing your instinctive liberal loathing of actual heroes, and that’s all you were doing.

I ended up reinforcing it, conforming to a stereotype of a removed pundit whose views are not anchored in the very real and very wrenching experience of this long decade of war.

All you did was prove, once again, what those of us with a measurable IQ already know, which is that you liberal fascist mediots look down your noses at those who willingly give up their lives to protect your right to be ignorant, sneering, condescending little worthless pricks.

You already noticed, didn’t you? Well now hear this: Your so-called “apology” only proved it one more fucking time.

First rule of holes? STOP DIGGING, jackass. Or don’t. It is rather amusing to witness your self-beclowning, and it does serve as a valuable lesson that we can show our kids when we’re teaching them what NOT to become.

And for that I am truly sorry.

You’re sorry alright.

Look that up in your Southern-to-Liberal dictionary to get the real meaning.

Then kindly shut the everloving fuck up and don’t bother us any more.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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