Y’all remember my local Yankee transplant Frank “chubby” Cerabino? Well, he’s back with more GFW brilliance.

How did we let this happen?

By allowing damned yankees to cross our border and squat?

Florida is usually in the vanguard when it comes to fetishizing guns.

Awfully quick to make a sexual reference there chubby. I recently read that part of the psychology of a hoplophobe was pure projection, as evidenced by them constantly accusing gun owners of compensating for a lack of endowment. I do believe we may have patient zero here. Someone send him some penis enlargement emails, STAT.

We used to be able to take pride in knowing that this is where the NRA gets to act out its wildest fantasies.

If by “wildest fantasies” you mean rolling back statist utopian dreams of an unarmed herd of sheeple, then yup, let the fantasies roll.

It’s where the stand-your-ground law first took root,

Not quite, but nice use of the “journalistic creed”, otherwise known as just making shit up.

and it’s the home of this year’s Republican National Convention, where it will be illegal to have a long piece of string, a piece of wood or a squirt gun outside the Tampa convention hall, but OK to be there with your loaded firearm.

Would you be happier if they were unloaded? We can arrange that. Not sure you’d like the results.

So how could we let Utah, Arizona and Indiana get the jump on us when it comes to designating an official state gun?

The fuck nugget actually has a point, we did sorta drop the ball there.

Especially Arizona, which found it meaningful to honor the firearm just months after U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, one of its members of Congress, was shot in the head with a gun legally purchased by deranged citizen Jared Lee Loughner, who killed six and injured 15 outside a shopping center in Tucson.

Arizona, showing an uncharacteristic measure of restraint, decided to honor the Colt Single Action Army Revolver – the weapon of choice for the mass murder of Navajos in another century – rather than the semi-automatic Glock that Loughner used for mass murder at the shopping center.

Classy move.

But not as classy as you politicizing an evil act perpetrated by one of your fellow travelers.

Arizona’s designation of the Colt last year followed Utah’s selection of a Browning automatic pistol.

And wrong yet again. It was the Colt 1911 you dumb ass. The only similarity is that they were both designed by The Great One, John Moses Browning, a prominent Utah citizen who designed many of the weapons we used to win WWII, and the most beloved pistol to ever serve the US Military, which was another reason it was chosen by Utah. You see, unlike the facist yankee hell hole you fled, only to infest us, the good people of Utah understand history.

And two months ago, Indiana’s lawmakers bestowed official firearm status to the Grouseland Rifle, an antique made by one of Indiana’s first militia leaders, a guy who made his mark by – you guessed it – killing the Native Americans who were there first.

Just joining in the fun that the Indians had been having for thousand of years, you know being there first and all.

So Florida could go the historical route, and pick a firearm that was used to shoot the Seminoles, who had the nerve to be here first,

And another swing and a miss. The Seminoles weren’t here first dumbass. If you were to read Florida history you would know that Florida was largely unpopulated when the Spaniards landed here. The Seminoles are actually Cherokee who fled to north Florida from Georgia and Alabama after the Cherokee wars. Ignorance is a sad thing, especially coming from someone who will prattle on and on about his superiority while he ridicules his adoptive state. Since you are so hung up on who was were first, we were here before you, so get the fuck out of my state and stop lowering our collective IQ.

or perhaps we could go the contemporary route by honoring the Kel-Tec 9 millimeter handgun, which is made in Florida.

The Kel-Tec is the lightweight, inexpensive weapon that Florida’s most famous gun owner, George Zimmerman, used three months ago to kill Trayvon Martin, an unarmed teenager falsely assumed to be “up to no good” while walking in a Sanford neighborhood.

You looked at any of the evidence in the Zimmerman/Martin case lately chubbs? Might want to think twice about that word “falsely”. And BTW you need to re-read your talking points. ” lightweight, inexpensive weapon” is supposed to be called a “Saturday Night Special”. Get the hoplophobe terminology right, m’kay?

In other places, that might make the Kel-Tec notorious, but Zimmerman is getting $1,000 a day in contributions to his legal fund, presumably from gun enthusiasts who think he chose a fine way to settle a confrontation he started.

He settled it the only way that the thug slamming his head into the concrete allowed him.

Other guns to consider might be those that would be useful in killing the official state wildlife. The important thing is to make a quick, rash decision on this.

Just like the rash decision your momma made when she didn’t swallow, ensuring that we could be the recipients of your wonderful benevolence and magnificent intelligience.

If Florida doesn’t jump on the official state firearm bandwagon quickly, we could lose our status as an NRA playground. Other states are eager to fill the void.

Pennsylvania is looking to join the list of official gun states. And Texas is bound to be in the mix, seeing as how legislators in that state have found another novel way to express their gun love: by not allowing state university IDs to be used as voter identification, but allowing concealed weapons permits as valid ID at the polls.

Considering that CW’s can only be issued to non-felons, kinda makes sense to me.

See what we’re up against?

Indeed we do Frankie.

With the annual firearms death rate in Florida at 12.4 for every 100,000 people, we’re in the upper echelon of deadliest gun states (14th out of 50). But without an official gun, we’re not exactly standing our ground.

And once we have an official state firearm, we can move onto other similar designations, such as official state cancer.

I nominate Frankie “Chubbie” Cerabino and all his fellow damn yankee transplants trying to do to our state what they’ve already done to the North East. And I suggest 5.56 chemotherapy.

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By LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E.

Former USMC infantryman, proud father of a current USMC infantryman and two Princesses who know what that means. Currently an NRA law enforcement firearms instructor, radar instructor, CPR instructor, a few others but you get the point. Catholic, conservative, heterosexual, gun owner, anything I can do to piss off liberals.

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