We know we’re late to this party, but we have other pressing issues that we have to deal with these days.

Still, we can’t help but chortle at the discovery that Ogabe was the Original Birther.

And here we thought that all of us who ever dared question why Ogabe was so damn secretive about his place of birth, not to mention any other record of his previous life (while the Ogabe Steno Pool were busy trying to find out if Palin ever threw recyclables in the general trash can), were the Birthers. Not because we claimed that he was born in Kenya, we didn’t know that anymore than the people who claimed the opposite knew that he wasn’t, but that doesn’t matter. Because SHUT UP! And also, RACIST!

And now it turns out that Ogabe himself was touting himself as a Kenyan born to an anthropologist and a Kenyan finance minister. OK, so his mother did take anthropology classes in college and his father did work as assistant file clerk in the Kenyan ministry of finance, but that would be pretty much the same as His Imperial Majesty proclaiming himself a medical doctor because we did, after all, attend med school and passed all of our classes short of the ones where you get your actual degree. We also took classes in statistics, but that hardly makes us a statistician. And even if it did, we’d be loath to brag about it, but we digress.

He was just “resume polishing.” What sounds more interesting if you’re trying to publish a book on the travails of being a child of a mixed marriage trying to find his identity? A spoiled brat born in Hawaii with a silver spoon in his mouth or the struggling offspring of a mixed marriage born in deepest Africa to an anthropologist and a finance minister brought to evil, capitalist America?

We know. Tough call, no?

So he sent his bio to his publisher, who then, for 17 years with numerous updates, published his bio as a Kenyan-born son of a mixed marriage between prestigious individuals, not once receiving an “er, scuze me?” letter from their prodigy who surely must have been keeping a close eye on those things as a wannabe up-and-coming author.

Until he decided to run for president, at which point his publisher immediately, for no apparent reason at all (if we’re to believe the publisher and the Obama Steno Pool aka the MSM), updated his bio to state that he was born in Hawaii.

Sheer coincidence, of course. Or you’re a RACIST!

Now, we’re not saying that his resume polishing is proof of his having been born in Kenya. Of course it isn’t. We can’t say that he’s been born there any more than the “anti-birthers” who also have no conclusive proof, can say that he wasn’t. Difference is, we’re willing to admit that. As a matter of fact, based on what little we are allowed to know of this national top secret eyes only affair, we rather tend to think that he probably was shat out in Hawaii.

That’s not the issue here. What IS the issue is that either A) he wasn’t really born in Hawaii and thus is ineligible for office or B) he was born in Hawaii and is therefore guilty of deliberately lying to further his own career.

B) fits with everything else he’s done throughout his life so, Occam’s Razor in mind, we’re likely to go with that.

Funny shit that, but let’s talk about the 1859 Mormon Massacre or how Ann Romney’s horses are really expensive instead because… SHUT UP!


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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