Shoot the whole sorry lot of them after a perfunctory trial, preferably one involving sticking fingers up their privates and molesting them. For weeks.

Before we get to the point, allow His Imperial Majesty to apologize most profusely for his horrid inactivity. If anybody is still bothering to read this near-dead site, we can’t begin to thank you enough. But the Empire is undergoing, along with bloody well everybody else in this Obamian Utopia™ that the Fiddy2ers, may they and their families be cursed unto death and until the end of seven generations, somewhat hard times due to chronic illness and associated financial distress. That’s the reason. That and the fact that our Muse has left us, possibly because of all of the above. But we seek not pity, we only seek to let you know why we have been failing so sorely in our Imperial Duty to provide the Loyal Citizenry, GLORs and Knights and Wolves alike, with their daily snark and sarcasm.

We will do better, we promise.

That aside, this just had our blood pressure spiking to the point where, had our veins been secured with rivets, those rivets would have blown out and shot clean through an Abrams, BOTH sides.

It would seem that the Crack Terrorist Hunter Mall Cop Reject TSA SA Brigades caught themselves yet another frightening terrorist. This time a three-year-old toddler in a wheelchair:

A vacation in the Magic Kingdom should be enough to make a child giddy with excitement, but one young boy was left trembling with fear after he was subjected to an invasive TSA pat-down.

The three-year-old, confined to a wheelchair due to a recently broken leg, was with his family at O’Hare Airport in Chicago, on their way to board a flight to Disney World in Orlando, Florida.

Despite constant assurances from his father that ‘everything is OK’, he physically trembles with fear and asks his parents to hold his hand.

And we all know how this is “unpleasant but absolutely necessary for Your Own Good™” because of the wave of three-year-old terrorists blowing up planes all over the world.

The terrified boy was swabbed on his hands and under his shirt for explosive residue.

While the boy’s father grew increasingly incensed by the treatment his son was getting, he tried to remain calm, for the boy’s sake.

Yes, you read that right. The pedophile child molesting swine who would be otherwise spending his entire life being rejected for the position of assistant fry cook at the local McDonald’s was actually swabbing down a three-year-old with a broken leg for “explosive residue.” The only explanation we can think of is that the worthless TSA soon-to-be-hopefully-dangling-from-the-nearest-utility-pole son of a syphilitic whore had found out that his favorite Russian pedophile website was down for maintenance last night.

But don’t worry. The wonderful “you can’t professionalize unless you federalize” TSA has every intention of giving you the option to NOT have your children frightened out of their wits while being molested by perverts who buy Viagra by the metric ton.

For a price, of course:Despite such strict security for this toddler, the TSA is offering background-checked travellers the chance to use special lines and keep their shoes, belt and jacket on, leave laptops and liquids in carry-on bags and avoid a full-body scan – for a price.

The TSA’s new fast track ‘Precheck’ screening, now at two airlines and nine airports, is similar to security checks before 9/11, reports the Wall Street Journal.

To qualify, frequent fliers must be invited by airlines and meet an undisclosed TSA criteria.

A $100 fee for a background check is required as well as a brief interview with a Customs officer.

And there you have it: “Pony up a Benjamin and we WON’T molest your children or fondle grandma’s vajayjay while causing her colostomy bag to explode and drench her clothes with shit.” What a fucking BARGAIN!

We are positively melting with gratitude.

Here’s the Imperial counter-proposal: Lay your fucking filthy pervert fascist hands on any member or our family once, ONCE, and you won’t be taking those hands back home from work with you at the end of your shift, you slimy, subhuman, worthless, parasitical, imbecilic, useless sack of fetid pig shit.

Not that you’ll mind terribly the loss of your appendages as you’ll be sporting a brand new eye socket in your forehead measuring approximately 45/100ths of an inch across.

And in the highly unlikely case that there is still a single soul reading this currently composing a reply lamenting the horrible plight of the fascist TSA goons trying to make a living and “juzt follovink orderz”, just. Don’t.

We know for a fact that it was pretty damn hard to come by a job in Germany during WWII too, particularly after the industry had been reduced to rubble, yet we remain singularly unimpressed with the calls for “understanding” from the ones who volunteered to guard the gates at Dachau with the Allgemeine SS in exchange for three hots and cot.

Just saying, is all.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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