Yes, we know it’s a way off, but prior planning prevents piss poor performance.

Vote for Luap Nor!

“What?????”, you say, “have you lost your frigging MIND, your Majesty???”

Not at all, quite to the contrary. Allow us to explain:

The RINOcracy Establishment and their lapdog pundits are scrambling to call Mittens’ thorough trouncing by 13 points in SC by a candidate who was, a week or two prior to the actual vote, not even a long shot for winning the primary, a “minor setback” and perhaps not even a setback at all. “Hey, just wait and see. It’s only a flesh wound. Come back, you coward, I’ll bite your legs off!” They describe, as a reason for Mittens’ humiliating spanking, the opposition to Mittens among voters as “lingering dissatisfaction” with him. Yeah. Even His Imperial Majesty has to tip his crown to that particular British Understatement™, and we thought we were the undisputed master of those. Listen, you starry-eyed fanboys, a consistent anti-Romney bloc of 70-75% is about as much an expression of “lingering dissatisfaction” as a raging case of the clap is a “mild irritation while urinating.” And if you add to the equation the clown show that makes up the alternative to Mittens plus the fact that 75% of voters would still rather gnaw their hands off than vote for The Fair Haired Boy of the Cocktail Party™… We rest our case.

They also desperately cling to Mittens’ far superior organization, funds and ground game. Done him a world of good so far, hasn’t it? A loss in Iowa (which is called a “tie” by the Cocktail Party now that it’s Santorum by 34 votes, whereas it was a “resounding victory” for Mittens when it was him by 8 votes), a win in a state he couldn’t possibly have lost under any circumstances and a painful, bloody massacre in SC. Behold Teh Mittens Ground Machine™ and tremble, you stupid Visigoth Hobbits! And we haven’t even mentioned the full court press offensive by that vaunted Juggernaut as it became clear that Newt was climbing in the polls. Mittens’ proxies threw caution to the wind and went flank speed ahead with a barrage of smears, a “revelatory” non-story about Marianne Gingrich from decades ago and even a fake email campaign trying to claim that Newt forced Marianne to have an abortion. How well did that work out for you, you lying, backstabbing son of a whore?

Anyway, Mittens and his fanboy pundits are scrambling for a win, any sort of win, to put some wind back into the ragged sails of the cruise ship Inevitable Mittens™, and it’s time to put some more torpedoes into her rotten hull.

Obviously, thanks to either the last-minute changes of the RINO GOP of Virginia or the incompetence of the campaign staffs, depending on your personal preference, there will be only one candidate to vote for there who isn’t Mittens. Keep in mind that write-ins don’t count in Virginia, so they’re an exercise in impotent futility. So if you’re a Virginian, you can either vote for one of the two or not vote at all, which is the same as voting for the one who gets the most of the rest of the votes.

“Yes, we get that but… LUAP NOR???”

Listen, we don’t want him in the Oval Office any more than you do, we think that’s abundantly clear to anybody who’s been paying attention to this site, but consider what a resounding Luap Nor victory in Virginia would and wouldn’t accomplish:

1) Starting with the latter, winning Virginia is no more going to hand the nomination to Luap Nor than winning New RINOshire handed it to Mittens, even though Virginia does have more delegates.

2) Trashing Mittens in Virginia will, once again, keep a win from the grasping, desperate hands of the Establishment RINO liberal-lites. It will positively devastate them, and best of luck trying to spin a defeat to a candidate who doesn’t poll well outside of loony bins, generally speaking. We’re not saying that all Luap Nor supporters are crazy, he has a lot of excellent points on domestic policy and, besides, we’re still sure that a large proportion of the ones voting for him aren’t so much fans of his as good people who are thoroughly disgusted (and rightfully so) with the pathetic field we have to choose from, picking him as the “none of the above” candidate.

BELIEVE us when we say this: We understand that sentiment. A lot!

But that’s not the point. The point is that if “none of the above” walks all over Mittens, it will be even more impossible for the Mittens Slurpers to call opposition to their cabana boy “mild dissatisfaction.” Again: This is a way of putting a torpedo right under the keel of his campaign. For somebody who is not him to win, and 75% of primary voters seem to agree with us that he shouldn’t, we need his campaign to sink to the bottom of the sea, the sooner the better.

3) And this is the bonus point. Winning in Virginia will, even though it won’t get him the nomination, get Luap Nor delegates which increases the odds of a brokered convention which, I think we can all agree with the pathetic choices we have at this point, is a Good Thing™. As a matter of fact, if you ARE one of those of us not terribly happy with ANY of the current candidates, the ONLY way of getting somebody else is a brokered convention.

So that’s it: The Official Imperial Endorsement for the GOP primary of Virginia is Luap Nor. Vote early, vote often.


0 0 votes
Article Rating

By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments