Listen, we already know that the “captain” of the Italian cruise liner Costa Concordia is a gutless, whimpering, selfish pussy and an embarrassment to all of mankind by running from his ship as soon as he could and leaving his passengers to fend for themselves.

But his excuse for doing so?

Now Italian press reports say Schettino has told investigators he was not on board to direct the evacuation of hundreds of crew and passengers because he accidentally fell into a life raft.

Do WHAT now?

“So there I was, bravely risking life and limb to load up the life boats with kittehs, old ladies and infants, when all of a sudden I slip and fall into the life boat and can’t for the life of me get up again! Really! Honestly!”

It’s doubtful that that pathetic excuse for an excuse from a pathetic excuse for a human being is going to hold up all that well in court. Something about the Italian coast guard having him on the record, refusing to go back to the ship when ordered to. But presumably he’s got a perfectly good explanation for that too. Perhaps he was being held at spear point by a band of roving Italian feral pygmies?

Schettino’s lawyer, Bruno Leporatti, says the captain is devastated by the incident, in which 11 people have been confirmed dead so far.

Let’s go tap the Give a Fuck O Meter. Nope, no sense of life.

Fuck. Not. Given.

“The captain is disturbed and indeed heartbroken by what happened, so let’s move away from the negative profile that’s been portrayed,” he said.

How can we put this? Oh, we’ve got it:


Does the word “keelhauling” mean anything to your client? It will. Oh believe us, it will!

Cowardly heap of pig shit.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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