Sorry about the lack of free ice cream around these parts (and a huge thanks to the Imperial Staff for providing the updates that have appeared!), but His Imperial Majesty is still battling a bug that just won’t leave, thanks mainly to the weather in the Imperial State not being able to make its mind up. One day it’s 70 degrees, the next day it’s low 40s, then back to the 60s the next day and then a plunge to the low 30s. And so on and so forth.

So what’s been going on?

President Food Stamp™ decided, predictably unless you’re a complete moron, to destroy another 20,000 jobs (and that’s just for starters, there’d be more coming after that) and help ensure that working Americans won’t be able to pay their energy bills by nixing the Keystone Pipeline™, blaming, just as predictably, those rascally Republicans and their “rushed and arbitrary deadline” of a mere 60 days for him to waffle and drag his feet.

How is he to utterly destroy what sad, vestigial remnants there are of our once strong economy if he’s not permitted to delay endlessly while he, ObamaNero, fiddles outside the smoldering ruins of Rome? Because really, if only those Republicans had given him more time then he’d surely have approved of it. Just as the Gulf Oil Permitorium is going to end any day now!

So there you have it, you bitter, clingy, racist AmeriKKKans! As you’re trying to swap your food stamps for $4/gallon gas, just remember that you only have yourselves to thank for it by ungratefully and irreverently trying to rush your Sun King Ogabe with unreasonable and arbitrary demands that he, for once, doesn’t try to destroy your lives For Your Own Good™. And now, off for another round or two of golf!

In other news, Governor Perry decided to drop out so the NotRomney field can be narrowed down a bit, throwing his endorsement to Newt. Which has created some controversy among some conservatives because, well, NEWT???

To which we only have this to say: What else was he supposed to do? Sarah Palin ain’t running, and his candidacy obviously wasn’t doing anything at this point other than to help Mittens keep the NotRomney field fractured enough that he could win by default.

It kills us to see Governor Perry go because he obviously IS the single most qualified among the clowns who’ve been running this year, but the People of A.D.D. have spoken and their verdict was that they don’t really want an experienced and wildly successful conservative as president, they want a good Jeopardy contestant. Heaven help us.

Governor Perry saw this too and, being faced with that reality, decided that the country is more important than his own ego, in itself quite impressive for a politician. What’s important right now is that Mittens ObamneyCare ISN’T the nominee in November.

Oh, and we get to keep the Governor in Texas, which isn’t a bad thing at all for us. It has worked marvelously for us over the past 11 years and we thought that maybe the rest of the nation would like to know what business growth and jobs felt like.

Obviously we were wrong. What the rest of the nation wanted was somebody who’d never flub a question on Hollywood Squares. Fine. Enjoy the recession some more, you blithering idiots. As for ourself, we’ll stay in Texas.

That about sums it up, we think. Now, back to hacking up some more lung butter.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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