We’ve just come to the conclusion that what our government needs isn’t a major change in personnel, what they need more than anything else is a mandatory psychiatric evaluation with involuntary commitment for the headcases among them.

Such as the EPA, the agency that none (at least the effeminate wankers in the “pragmatic” wing of politics) dare suggest needs a few severe cuts and kicks in the budget because, PUPPIES, BABY SEALS, CLEAN AIR!

Oh, and oil spills, of course, something His Imperial Majesty actually can agree that we need to do something about, if not nearly the insane hysteria that governs the handling of them these days. Contrary to popular belief, Mother Gaia is no stranger to environmental disasters even before we Evil, Gaia-Raping Monster Humans came along and she’s been quite good at handling them without our nannying too, thank you very much.

Regardless. A few regulations to make sure that some oversight is kept in place to prevent oil spills as well as making sure that the culprits end up paying for the cleanup when they take a dump all over nature is not necessarily a Bad Thing™.

Except when the wheels come off the klown kar and we get the government, more specifically the EPA, involved.

You see, in their regime-mandated quest to keep Mother Gaia pristinely free of hydrocarbon pollution disasters (and no doubt quite a bit dismayed that the oil industry is getting so good at avoiding those that the fat morons at the EPA are left with nothing to do but fold paper clips all day long), it came to their attention that milk, you know, the nutritious stuff that we get from cows, contains (SHRIEEEEEEKKKK!) animal oils which are, in essence, hydrocarbons.

No, really, they are. Technically speaking. Which is all (actually more than) that the EPA usually needs to come up with yet another industry-destroying, senseless mountain of red tape to justify their own existence and bloated budgets.

And so they did.

The EPA rule requires farms—as well as places that make cheese, butter, yogurt, ice cream and the like—to prepare and implement an emergency management plan in the event of a milk catastrophe. Among dozens of requirements, farmers must train first responders in cleanup protocol and build “containment facilities” such as dikes or berms to mitigate offshore dairy slicks.

These plans must be in place by November, and the U.S. Department of Agriculture is even running a $3 million program “to help farmers and ranchers comply with on-farm oil spill regulations.” You cannot make this stuff up.

You don’t have to. All you need to do is to take 52% sub-retarded goats with voting rights who are wholly illiterate on any worthwhile subject thanks to generations of publik skooling, a bunch of opportunistic totalitarian twats, mix, let stand and watch it all happen automatico.

But at least we won’t have to worry about the horrible sight of seagulls covered in milk as a result of destructive dairy disasters.

So, tell us again: What, exactly, is the downside of shutting down the EPA? We’ll even throw you humanitarians out there a bone and let go of our additional demands regarding proper disposal of the suddenly unemployed sacks of useless skin with no discernible real life skills. Which is a shame, because then we’re suddenly stuck with hundreds of concrete mixers and wood chippers that we’ll have to find something else to do with.


By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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