So glad you asked, and the gentlemen at Watts Up With That have a nice summary for you.

Their whole wish list of retarded, ludicrous, unrealistic and genocidal “demands” is pure comedy gold from one end to the other. Provided, of course, that they never get their way on any of them which, thankfully, seems more and more likely as scandal after scandal rock the Hide the Decline™ “scientists.”

Don’t believe us? How’s this for fun?

1) They want an International Climate Court. Finally a place we can bring suit if the weather gods offend us with too much or too little rain in the summer? Alas, no. It’s a Stalinist kangaroo “court” where industrialized nations will be given enormous fines for their Crimes Against Gaia™, fines that will then be passed on to third world shit holes. If you guessed that said shit holes would be exempt from the rules and the “court”, you were absolutely correct.

2) “The recognition and defence of the rights of Mother Earth to ensure harmony between humanity and nature”. You read that right. An idea whose time has come. A Bill of Rights for Gaia. Humans? Not so much. We have none.

3) “The rights of some Parties to survive are threatened by the adverse impacts of climate change, including sea level rise.” Never you mind that sea level hasn’t risen at all, it has actually dropped, over the last three years, even the most hysterical extrapolations of previous measurements had it at 2 cm/century, max. That’s less than an inch for you metrically-impaired people.

Not to be too harsh, but if your survival is endangered by you being unable to get out of the way of water rising to the frightening tune of 4/5 of an inch a century, then perhaps it is time for your immobile arse to get selected the fuck out of the gene pool already.

4) War and the maintenance of defence forces and equipment are to cease. And about time too! How? Oh, because you decree it so, that’s how. Dammit. How many millennia have we been around and only now does somebody come up with that? D’uh! Wish we’d have thought of that. But blast it, no matter how ridiculous of a statement it is, it’s still a worthy goal. After all, who can dispute that the world would be a better place without war, pestilence, destruction and famine?

Except, of course, that’s not why the AlGore Cultists want wars and militaries abolished. It’s because they pollute the air with CO2. Seriously, we wish we’d made that up, but we didn’t. They actually said that.

5) A drop to an average temperature 1°C above “pre-industrial levels”, whoever the Hades gets to determine what that is. But, by their definition, we’re already 3°C above that level, so they basically insist that we need to make the world 2°C cooler, no matter what it takes. Remember when the EnviroLoons were howling about the Coming Ice Age back in the 70s? So do we. Now they’re actually trying to bring it about. Progress!

No mention as to what we’re going to do about the “rights of some Parties” who’ll suddenly find their farm lands covered with ice as a result. That doesn’t matter. Durban has spoken, and they have, by consensus, declared what the Ideal Temperature™ of planet Earth is. Don’t argue! Consensus = SCIENCE!

6) Think we’re done with the idiocy yet? Think again. It gets worse. The new “emissions targets”, and ONLY for Western countries, is to reduce emissions by “more than 100%” by 2050. Yep. We, and of course only we evil, Gaia-raping rich people, are put on notice to emit more than 100% less than we do now by 2050 which, grabbing our calculator here, means that we’ll have to reach negative emissions by then. No problem. We’ll just have to turn into plants so we can absorb CO2 instead of exhaling it.

7) Then again, turning into plants might not be such a good idea. You see, the geniuses in Durban have also declared that the total amount of CO2 that they will allow in the atmosphere (or we guess they’ll be taking everybody who breathes to court) is about 210ppm. Which is unfortunate, seeing as how it’s well below what plant life needs to survive. And not just unfortunate for the plants either. It’s equally unfortunate for those who depend on them for sustenance (that means “food”) or, for that matter, anybody who needs that pollutant 02 that plants “exhale” (that means “all of us”).

Finally! If only we all follow the edicts of a bunch of unelected psychiatric patients in Durban, then Earth can finally become the barren, rocky, lifeless rock that it was always meant to be!

8) The time for action is now! Because Durban states that this year is as high as emissions will ever be allowed to go, regardless of the consequences of immediately shutting down every industrialized nation in the world (again, third world shit holes are exempt). And if you don’t, then it’s off to “court.”

9) The Evil Industrial Countries have to pay for everything. Of course, all of this insane windmill-tilting is going to cost money, lots of money, and guess who gets a free ride and will not be required to pay a dime? That’s right, third world shit holes. The “reasoning” behind that being that us evil Westerners are responsible for all the evil in the world anyway (including teaching the populations of third world shit holes the wonders of indoor plumbing. Oops. Did we say that? We denounce ourself), so obviously we’ll have to pay for our crimes against, er, Gaia.

But whatever you do, do not call this Glowbull Wormening nonsense a “global redistribution scam” because that would be “unhelpful”, “paranoid” and “totally unsubstantiated by the facts.”

One question, though: With all of that money of ours they’ll be having, just what do they intend to do with it? Eat it? Because if they’re planning on spending it on goods, services, industrial equipment, infrastructure, food etc., we have one thing to ask them:

Who the fuck do you morons think used to MAKE all that shit before you insisted that we shut the factories down?


Let the third world go to hell. Along with the Occutards, who also seem to believe that they’re somehow “owed” everything they want.

They can come back when or if they decide to grow up and behave like adults.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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