“Perry Implodes”, the Hot Flatus headline breathlessly proclaimed and, let’s be perfectly honest here, it wouldn’t be the first time he said something daft on stage (remember the “heartless” comment?), so we clicked on it, wondering just what horribly misstatement he’d just made.

And it turned out to be him not remembering, in the middle of an answer, the name of the third government agency he wanted to shut down. Or something. It wasn’t really all that clear. Perhaps if we’d had a habit of actually watching those American Idol “debates” always moderated by individuals openly hostile to everybody on stage, but we don’t.

Everything else he says, also known as “the meat of his answer”, is perfectly conservative and centered on how you make businesses succeed (which, to you 99%er morons, means “creating jobs”), which is to make it profitable for them to do so, not to mention not doing everything you can to strangle them in red tape and environmental regulations based entirely on liberal religious beliefs.

But that means nothing. He lost his train of thought for a second there and forgot the name of a government agency, so obviously the guy with the great hair who loves nationalized healthcare, the individual mandate, glowball wormening, ethanol subsidies, gun control and abortion (depending on which day of the week you ask him) is The Only Choice For America™.

The problem is, we’re afraid that Allahpundit is absolutely right. We might as well abolish primaries and elections entirely and just start choosing presidents based on their score on Jeopardy.

Should Perry have had that name ready? Well, sure it would be helpful to his delivery, but somehow we think that he, were he president, might actually be able to remember it. But obviously you’re not fit to be president in today’s America unless you can accurately name every splinter of your platform in ten seconds or less if kicked out of bed at 3 am.

Honestly: How many of you, dear LCs and GLORs have ever found yourself in the middle of an answer trying to find the right word? Does this mean that you don’t know it? Does that mean that you no longer believe what you believe? Have you ever found yourself, in the middle of saying something, saying “where the hell was I?” or “what’s that name again?”

We know that we have.

Let’s take an example. Let’s say that we were saying “we believe that he only way to shut down terrorism against Israel is to drop the hammer on Hamas, the PLO and, fuck, what’s the name of that other group…” Does that mean that we’d suddenly become supporters of Hezbollah or that we’re not really all that opposed to Hezbollah or even “unserious” in our opposition to them?

If you think so, please visit the Imperial Palace and say it to our face.

But Allahpundit is probably right anyway. We’re a nation of instant gratification fools and fuckheads who will happily dismiss an otherwise perfect performance of Handel’s Messiah if one of the soloists botched a high C in one of the arias.

Please note, again, the rest of Perry’s very precise answer as opposed to Reversible Mittens’ (thanks, Deej, I really love that one) boiler plate pablum utterly devoid of specifics.

So what’s your specific plan, Mittens? Oh? You haven’t had it focus polled yet?

Well, that’s alright. At least you didn’t botch an answer and you have fabulous hair.

We’re fucked.

We’re well and truly fucked. Stock up on ammo and durable goods.


P.S.: And allow us to add, we had a moment where we really liked Ron Paul in that clip. It was when Perry turned to him, obviously having the name of that third bloated, useless agency on the tip of his tongue and Ron said that it was five agencies with a smile. See? That’s being a competitor without being an arsehole, unlike Mittens the Dem-Lite who was just standing there with his trademark smirk.

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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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