If there is one thing we hate more than fads such as taking pictures of yourself holding a piece of paper with some barely legible scrawl on it, it’s seeing such a fad and failing to make fun of the losers of the intelligence lottery participating in it.

I stayed in school in hopes that the economy would rebound. IT DIDN’T.
With my family too broke to help pay, I took out loans.
SEVEN years;
TWO degrees;
$60,000 of debt;
and NO job prospects later…
I am the 99%

So tell us if we got this right: You stayed in school in order to avoid… What, exactly? Unemployment? Here’s a hint for you, cupcake, staying in a situation that offers no income at all and requires you to take out loans in order to exist (but kudos to you for not leeching off of your parents, nonetheless) is not a Smart Move™ compared to, say, leaving school and taking any job at all which, no matter how much of a horrid skinflint your employer might be, still would pay more than, wait for it, not a frackin’ dime.

And you followed this apocalyptically asshatted “plan” for not one but two degrees, whereupon we find you whining at us that you still can’t find a job?

You had two shots at choosing a degree in something that might make you employable but, for reasons known only to your bong-addled brain, you chose poorly both times?

Your parents need to arrange for an intervention before you start out on degree number 3 while waiting for openings to appear in unicorn mane braiding.

My greedy, corporate loan servicer “fraud-closed” on my home with forged documents. All after I paid them over 25K to obtain a PROMISED permanent loan modification.
Jail the Bankers!
I am the 99%!

No, we don’t know what “fraud-closed” means either, so please don’t ask. What we do know is that if a loan modification is being offered for the low, low price of $25,000, then the guy offering it to you probably doesn’t have your best interests at heart. And that’s assuming that what you scribbled down even bears a passing resemblance to what actually happened, which we’re not willing to bet the price of a used TIE fighter thrust converter on.

Yes, we are aware that unscrupulous, ethically challenged bastards who love nothing more than screwing you out of your money actually exist, we even know examples of such, but we also know that all too often the self-proclaimed victims of such turn out to be victims of their own lack of familiarity with the axiom that “if it sounds too good to be true, it is” as well as that timeless one: “Read the frackin’ small print.”

And, for the love of G-d, if you don’t understand the small print, then hire somebody who does before you sign anything. They’re a lot cheaper than $25,000 and a lost home.

I worked an 80-hr week with a chronic illness so that I could get healthcare to get my illness diagnosed.
Now I work part-time and manage without healthcare.
I have $29,685 in student loans.
I worry I will never be out of debt. I worry about the next time I have a medical emergency.
And I worry about all of you.
My heart is with you.
We are the 99%.

Well we’re certainly glad that it turned out that your chronic illness forcing you to work 80-hour weeks just so you could get it diagnosed was mild enough that you can get by without healthcare at all while working half days.

As to your worries: Welcome to the real world. They failed to teach you about that in public school? Not enough time left after the daily self esteem and navel gazing classes, we suppose.

We all worry because, no matter who we are and how well off we are, we’re all just one catastrophic event away from losing it all. There are different ways of tackling that sort of worry. One is to learn to live with it as a fact of life while you plod along, doing the best you can to shore up your defenses against such an eventuality, another is to start whining and puling in a drum circle somewhere while demanding that somebody else makes all of the big scary stuff go away.

Your way doesn’t work. Just thought you ought to know.

I am a 28-year-old college student with 24k in school debt and a useless degree. I understand that I made the choices that got me here. However, my choices were led by the FAILED INSTITUTIONS that make up this nation.
I AM THE 99%!

No. You most manifestly do not understand anything of anything at all.

Unless you can tell us which “failed institution” held a gun to your head and forced you to amass $24,000 in debt for a degree that you yourself admit is useless. And if you can do that, which we seriously doubt, then kindly explain to us in a coherent, intelligent fashion how you square that away with “understanding that you made the choices that got you there.” You cannot simultaneously “make” and “be led to” a choice, no matter what your professor in postmodern beardology told you.

On second thought, please don’t try to explain. Our head hurts already.

I’m just another aging American with a masters … and just another housekeeper … who works 4 people who work on Wall St … I am the 99% and I did occupy Wall St 10/02/11.
I’ve been living in rented rooms since 2004, the year I graduated with my Masters in Publication Design. We need to change the wage structure and education structure in this country fast. We need to hold government AND universities more accountable in terms of wages and helping Americans obtain JOBS pertaining to their academic experience.

First off: Enough with the frackin’ ellipses, already. They’re neither cute, cool nor spunky. The only thing they tell us is that you obviously didn’t major in English, and you already told you as much. “Publication Design?” You can get a real, bona fide, printed on actual paper master’s in how to design publications? And you paid for this? Degrees in Marketing, Desktop Publishing etc. don’t have courses that cover the intricacies of solving the old “two vs. three columns per page?” conundrum?

Really? No wonder we have a glut of masturbating, entitled fools banging on drums because they can’t find a job after years in college. Those college marketing people are friggin’ geniuses when it comes to selling useless crap to gullible twatheads!

So the government should provide you with a wage that is acceptable to you and we should all pay to create jobs for you, no matter how little actual use anybody has for your, ahem, “particular skill sets?” Is that it? Are we, how do you say this in the hip vernacular of unwashed hippies sleeping in their own filth on the streets?, “feeling” you on this? So if one of the Imperial Heirs decides to get a master’s degree in dragon riding, then it becomes everybody else’s “responsibility” to dang well drum up some dragons so he can earn a living riding them?

Is that it?

Here’s a counter proposal: How about you and the rest like you actually start doing some research into future employment opportunities before signing up for a PhD in Comparative Folk Dancing? And then, if you still “feel” that you will never ever be truly “happy” (which we’re sure is also somehow a “basic human right”) unless you follow your dreams, quit whining, whinging, bleating and braying about it when you find out that your freshly earned degree isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on, not to mention the $80,000 you more than likely paid for it.

Don’t buy what is obviously a bloody Yugo and then come screaming at the rest of us when you discover that it won’t do 0-60 in 2.5 seconds and, to top it off, requires that you fill it up with gas every once in a while, because it’s getting more than just a little bit old.


For now.

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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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