This really pains us to mention since we would actually much rather see Michelle Bachmann as president than Rick Perry, but boy has she done gone and done it with this lunacy:

Bachmann said last night on Greta that a woman came up to her after the debate, crying, and said that her daughter had been given the Garadsil vaccination and as a result had suffered mental retardation. Bachmann says that Perry shouldn’t just be given a mulligan on this because there are significant consequences to the decision he made to mandate Gardasil.

This unknown lady has an unknown daughter who, allegedly, became retarded at the advanced age of 11?, 12?, because of an HPV vaccination?

Really? REALLY???

We thought that the most terminally tumblefucked anti-vaccination idiocy to ever see the light of day was the thoroughly debunked, ridiculed, dismantled, stomped on and buried Lancet “study” from years ago that “proved”, after fraudulently falsifying data from an already execrably small data sample, that vaccines cause autism, but this one really takes the cake.

Where’s the proof? Where’s the clinical, you know, evidence as much as suggesting that Gardasil causes retardation in 11-year-olds? What? You don’t have anything other than this anecdote of yours? Well then bugger off, why don’t you? Come back when you’ve got something to support your claim and, if the evidence is solid enough, you’ll most assuredly find us four square on your side. For now all we have is laughter and derision. Your claim is as blatantly bumfucked as Glowbull Wormening ever was, and we refuse to give it any more respect than we give the Church of AlGore.

Michelle: We understand that you need to stay in the fight if you want to stay a contender, and we understand that you need to attack those ahead of you in the polls. Furthermore, up until today at least, we’ve been wishing, hoping and praying for you to do so, but there’s a notable difference between attacking a candidate with actual arguments and doing so using nothing to but hysterical, moronic claims with no evidentiary backing whatsoever.

There are any number of valid criticisms to be made against Perry’s Gardasil fuckup. We know because we were among the many Texans to get up in his face back then and force him to withdraw the whole sorry mess.

You could advance the “Merck bought and paid for the executive order through donations” argument, for instance, although we suggest that you don’t, seeing as how it’s a silly argument to begin with. Not that Merck didn’t contribute to his campaign fund, they most certainly did, but even though we may be backwards hicks down here to a refined northern gentlewoman such as yourself, it still takes quite a bit more than $5,000 to buy an executive order down heah. We have a name for that kind of contribution to a multi-million dollar campaign chest. We call it “bus fare.”

Or you could advance the much better “government has no fucking business mandating what sort of vaccinations we give our kids” argument. It has its problems too as an argument seeing as how government already does that with a multitude of other vaccines, but at least it has the merits of being based on the principle of personal liberty, something we support more than most people.

Or, as our last example (but there are more), you could state that putting something like the Gardasil mandate out through executive order rather than sending it through the Texas legislature as you ought to flies in the face of how legislation should be passed. Indeed, it’s exactly the sort of shit that we constantly, righteously and justifiably hammer King Ogabelini for. That argument would get a thunderous ovation from His Imperial Majesty, Misha I, because we couldn’t possibly agree more.

But instead you choose… THAT?


Sorry, Michelle, but you just jumped the everloving shit over the shark there.


[Wanders off, shaking head in disbelief]

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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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