Mike Half-a-bee, who is apparently hugging the candlelight in that IA town that nobody knows where is (probably because it can’t be found on a map), has harsh words for Governor Perry for refusing to attend the ritualistic gathering to worship at the feet of… who, exactly?

“It’s a tactical blunder … The people of Iowa work very hard to make the straw poll the biggest political moment in the summer,” Huckabee said.

Right up there with twine ball rolling, quilt sewing and pumpkin chugging, we’re sure. Not that there is anything wrong with those plebeian, parochial pastimes, nothing beats a good quilt in the winter, but we just fail to see why the rest of a nation of well over 300 million souls should feel obligated to pay proper homage to every single insignificant carnival that pops up in some impossible to find on a map backwater, no matter how much work the locals put into it.

Particularly not if it involves politics. Throw in malaysian midget throwing and we’re right there with you, on the other hand.

“If you have a candidate who says, ‘You know what, I’m not gonna be there, I’m gonna be over in South Carolina, trying to pull as much attention as possible away from your big event’ – I’ll tell you, the people of Iowa are gracious, loving, kind people, and they’re not gonna take kindly to someone, in essence, dissing their big event.

We’re going to go out on a limb here and suggest that Iowans don’t feel that way, seeing as if they did, they’d be among the most preposterously pompous, navel-gazing arseholes that this unfortunate planet ever found itself providing with a habitat, and we just don’t feel that we have a right to insult them like that by assuming that they are. Half-a-bee obviously has no such compunctions, but what would else could you possibly expect of some semi-literate buffoon of obviously poor breeding?

Now, just to be clear here and, gods below, are we talking about that silly sideshow again?, allow us to point out a few things. Or not. It’s not like you can stop us anyway.

Just what, in the name of Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus nee Gaius Octavius Thurinus, is so bloody special about the province of Iowa? We mean, other than the fact that they’re chiefly known as being among the chief beneficiaries (and thus, one might logically infer, chief supporters) of one of the most singularly stupid and disastrous policies since the Romans decided to pay off the Visigoths. We’re talking, of course, about the Turn Food Into Fuel (and very inefficiently too)™ boondoggle.

It surely can’t be the caucuses, since their predictive value ranks right around that of the IPCC.

Their electoral votes, all six of them? Now, don’t get us wrong, we’re not saying they’re insignificant, nobody’s vote is and some poor future fool losing by those very six votes would certainly not feel too good about himself, but it’s not exactly like Perry is flipping the bird to Florida or Texas, is it? (We would have included California, but unless you’re to the left of Beria, you’re unlikely to ever pick up their electoral votes).

Please. Somebody explain to us what exactly it is that makes it incumbent upon a candidate to drop everything else he might be doing at the slightest beck and call of some unknown place in Iowa.


Oh, and since we opened the whole can of worms with Mikey the Half-a-Bee, here’s the background:

0 0 votes
Article Rating

By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments