Other than the fact that it’s a place that conservative pundits keep pointing out, correctly, is an insignificant pothole of a “city” with a batting average of a paralyzed beaver when it comes to predicting anything and then go on to devoting post after post after post to their upcoming insignificant, predictive of nothing “straw poll.”

We’re mystified. So mystified, in fact, that His Imperial Majesty set out to find out where this silly place is, if, indeed, it exists. You never know when and how GPS coords may come in handy, after all.

And we think we found it. Think. Because it wasn’t easy. We started out with the tried-and-true method that we fondly refer to as the If It’s Worth Talking About, It Must Be On A Map™ method.

No luck there.

Poring over our computer maps of Iowa, we found that it’s not even marked on it the way just about every two-horse watering hole in the world is. We zoomed and we zoomed until we could literally count city blocks, but no “Ames” proudly displayed anywhere. Try Google Maps, it simply doesn’t show. The teeming metropolis of Jamaica, IA (population 221), the proud home of Tojo’s Bar & Grill, yes, but Ames doesn’t rate it’s own little circle and name.

But we’re not one to give up, so we finally managed to locate, by zooming in close enough that we noticed what looked like crude models of Sopwith Camels parked on a dirt road, something called “Ames Municipal Airport”, the word “Municipal” presumably added to denote that no departures were likely to make it past “city” limits 400 yards away. We’d rather take a cab but, on the other hand, we don’t much care for the smell of horse shit. Perhaps we should just walk.

So is this the mythical “Ames” that we all should pay no attention to while simultaneously putting up, on average, 75 posts a day talking about it if other sites are anything to go by?

Perhaps we should make a trip up there to find out what the fuss is all about, but we’re not sure, seeing as how they don’t even rate a circle and a name on a map, would have a city limit sign, so how would we even know when we were there?

But they must be horribly important, considering how nobody can seem to shut up about them for more than five minutes.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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