It’s one thing that the left is going ape shit about using the Tucson Massacre to push anti-gun legislation, those clowns rarely ever let the bodies reach ambient temperature before they use the carcasses to push their despotic fever dreams so we’re used to that, but we always find it hilariously funny when our retarded cousins across the pond start trying to tell us how to run our own country.

We fought a war to drive the point home that you ought to mind your own bloody business, you know, but you just can’t help yourselves, can you, you tossers?

Gabrielle Giffords shooting: Why it is time to change gun laws

We thought guns were already outlawed in Old Blighty Barmy. Oh, you mean our gun laws? What fun!

President Obama brought the good news directly from the hospital bed where young Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords struggles to recover from a madman’s bullet through her brain.

He. HE! The Anointed One! The Lightworker! He spread the joyous news that were for all mankind! Hosanna! Ogabe be praised! Of course, being the modest sort he is, he in no way implied that it was really his blessed presence in the dusty, godless deserts of Arizona that brought about this miraculous change, but the Ogabe Licking Media are here to tell you the truth!

It was the most emotionally charged moment among many in the memorial service religious pep rally in Tucson on Wednesday evening.

Actually, it wasn’t. The single most emotionally charged moment was when the trained, flipper-flapping seals in the audience realized that the concession stands had run out of beer on tap.

One victim was left unnamed: America’s idea of itself, as an optimistic neighbourly nation of free enterprise with faith in the rule of law, and the openness of its democracy.

‘Tis verily true. One shooting and our nation was instantly transformed into a dreary, pessimistic hellhole of socialist hell, injustice and corrupt government.

Wait, that was actually accomplished by the policies of the socialist tyrants immediately after they were elected. Oh well.

It is too painful for a nation traumatised by Tucson to reflect how these virtues have been betrayed once again by the insidious gun culture of America;

Gun ownership did away with free enterprise, rule of law and democracy? Those dastardly Founding Fathers and their 2nd Amendment!

by the pathetic weakness of laws which allow criminals and madmen to get their hands on real weapons of mass destruction

Actually, the “pathetically weak laws” do prohibit the sale of weapons to criminals and madmen. Look it up. Not that it has ever, in the history of mankind, kept criminals and madmen away from weapons, as you poor serfs of the British Isles should be well aware of by now.

And “real weapons of mass destruction?” By Jove, we do believe that somebody finally managed to peg out our Hyperbole Meter™. But we suppose that means that you’re not one of the sad sacks still crying about how your buddy Saddam Hussein was taken out unfairly, seeing as how many of those “real weapons of mass destruction” his army was in possession of. Some of them could even fire on full automatic!!!ELEVENTY!1!!

that can fire hundreds of bullets in a minute;

If you’re really, really good at changing magazines, that is.

by the gun lobby’s intimidation of politicians in vulnerable seats;

Of course, Giffords is PRO-2nd Amendment, but don’t let that get in the way of a perfectly idiotic rant.

by the greed of the gunmakers who nowadays prefer to manufacture weapons more suitable for mass murder than for individual defence.

The degree of a weapon’s “suitability for individual defense” is directly proportional to its ability to fire a lot of rounds precisely and in a hurry. A front-loaded flint musket, for instance, is uniquely UN-suitable for personal defense, unless you can get your assailant to sit down and have a smoke while you load it.

But will America open its eyes?

A law-abiding American citizen is far more likely to die with a bullet in his body than a British citizen.

And we all know how much more pleasant it is to die with a rusty cleaver planted in your skull by a passing yob. Of course, a law-abiding citizen is also far more likely to be in possession of a weapon that prevents said yob, or anybody else for that matter, from getting to the killing stage.

All the comparable Western countries with reasonable gun laws have long had vastly fewer gun homicides. The murder rate per 100,000 people for the US is 5.2. For Australia it is 0.07, for Japan, 0.05, and for the UK 0.06.

Which, of course, is utter bullshit, as is so often the case with “statistics.”

Here are the most recent figures on intentional homicides per 100,000 people:

United States: 5.0
Total: 15,595

United Kingdom: 1.28
Total: 791

Not quite as dramatic as your numbers, are they?

Gun massacres are a sad commonplace of American life. In 2009, in six separate incidents over 23 days, gunmen killed 43 people. The mentally disturbed Seung-Hui-Cho, a student at Virgina Tech in 2007, murdered 32 and wounded 17.

We’d like to note that one of the things that made the latter case uniquely unique was the fact that the murder victims of Virginia Tech had been forcibly disarmed by “sensible” gun laws, which is like putting up a sign outside your house saying: “Attention burglars: This house has no alarms, no locks and is utterly undefended. Please don’t steal our stuff.”

There has been no insistent demand to know why a crazy young man could acquire a Glock 9mm, a semi-automatic pistol with a 33-round magazine and so easily kill six people, including Arizona’s chief federal judge, and wound 13 bystanders along with Congresswoman Giffords.

Actually, that is a good question. The obvious answer is, of course, that said crazy young man had, in spite of years of threatening, disturbing, erratic and violent behavior, never been diagnosed as crazy, which would have kept him from buying the gun in the first place. We’d suggest that you ask Pima County “sheriff” Nudnik about that since his department handled quite a few of those cases of disturbing, threatening behavior, but he’s currently too busy blaming Sarah Palin and the Tea Party.

We can’t possibly begin to imagine why.

Perhaps it is a little early for the classes to explore the meaning of Bill of Rights 2nd amendment to the constitution: “A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.” Was it intended to protect the states from overweening federal or foreign power? Or does it give a right for an unregulated individual to carry a gun?

And, helpful as ever, we point you to Heller, because your question has already been answered. By the Supreme Court, no less, but we don’t suppose you have Google in the United Socialist States of Eunuchistan, so we can’t really hold it against you.

Inexorably they will see how persistently the NRA gets away with murder,

Oh, so now it’s the NRA who shot Giffords? Considering that His Imperial Majesty is both a Tea Partier and a member of the NRA, we suppose that means that we shot her twice, according to The Narrative™. And all without even leaving the house! Fear us, FEAR US!!!

Do they put Weapons Grade Stoopid™ in the water over there, or are they just born that way?

how it ignores the appeals of the police forces of the country,

Seeing as how the police forces of the country belong to the executive, not the legislative branch, but we won’t confuse a EUnuch still mired in principles of government that went out of fashion centuries ago by trying to explain how that works.

Besides, you might want to poll the actual “police forces” on the subject, as in “the cops actually patrolling the streets as opposed to fat bureaucrats worried about paper cuts.” If our highly unscientific anecdotal experiences, along with G-d only knows how many other Americans that we know’s highly unscientific anecdotal experiences are anything to go by, the cops actually out here in the jungle very much appreciate the presence of a law-abiding, armed citizen or two when the shit hits the fan.

and frustrates even the mildest of restrictions.

Which part of “shall not be infringed” do you not understand? “Infringed?” Look it up. You do still have dictionaries over there in socialist hell, right? Or have they all been banned as “hate speech” due to their fact content?

Does it make sense to enable the police to track the source of bullets used in a crime? It does, but the NRA has stopped it. Isn’t it dangerous to allow gun dealers at state fairs and flea markets to sell any number of weapons to anyone – juveniles, criminals, nuts – without any background checks? Yes, but the NRA has been able to keep the loophole.

Keep repeating it, Adolf, but it’s still not going to become a fact. Why don’t you come over here and try to sell a gun at a gun show without performing a NICS check on your buyer? We’ll get in touch with you to see how well that worked out for you once your arsehole is wide enough that you can’t sit down on a bar stool without hitting the floor.

Maybe it will give [Obama] heart to work now for a restoration of the ban on assault weapons he pledged in 2008. Call it Christina’s Law.

Maybe it’s only us, but hasn’t the loony left performed enough acts of pedo-necrophilia on poor Christina’s corpse by now to classify it as “perverted?”


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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