Oh, is this place still around? Sorry for the long absence, but even an Emperor has to prioritize his maternal parenting unit above all else. That’s how baby emperors-in-waiting manage to grow up to become actual Emperors.

Listen, I don’t want to hear another bleep about the recently released “birth certificate” being real, as it is obvious to even an utter PhotoShop neophyte like myself that it isn’t. Feel free to bleep it anyway, as always, just don’t expect me to waste a second of my life reading it.

Why is it so obvious that it’s a fake? Well, for one thing the “layers” that you’ve all been hearing about. Those layers are something that you use when you want to make a composite image from different ones. I won’t get technical here, because I don’t need to, for one simple reason: Layers are not something found in .pdf scans of documents. No, seriously. Don’t take my word for it. Stick a document, a picture, your butt crack in your scanner and have it “scan to .pdf”, then open the resulting file in a program such as Adobe Illustrator and see if you find any layers in it. You won’t. Because it’s a simple facsimile of whatever happened to be sitting on your scanner when you clicked “go” or, as the geeky among us like to call it, a “flat image.”

The ONLY reason you’d ever be using layers is if you wanted to combine elements from different images as in “not a true copy.” Think of them as sheets of clear plastic, each with parts of different images on it, such as yourself on one sheet and a scenic panorama from the Grand Canyon on another. Put the sheet with you on it on top of the other one and, hey presto, you’re in the Grand Canyon!

I suppose that one might take different parts of the exact same document, put them on different layers and then superimpose them exactly as they originally were, but one would have to be mightily bored to do so when a simple scan would do. Or be a government employee paid by the hour.

For another thing, you might want to take a look at the “bend” at the left side of the document, as if it’s a page of a book. Then you might wonder why on earth the same background that is on the “birth certificate” extends beyond said bend. Finally, you might wonder why it is that the green stripe background doesn’t “bend” with the paper. Normally that’s what happens when you press a book against a scanner and scan it. Try it. Use your favorite Clancy novel and observe how the lines of text curve with the paper.

Oh, and the fact that that hideous green background (coincidentally the same used in the previous “ultimate proof birth certificate”) wasn’t even used in 1961. Or, at the very least, it wasn’t used one day after Ogabe was born.

Finally, the signature at the bottom. “U.K.L. Lee.” Really? Watch this space, because next week we’ll be proving that Vladimir Putin is actually the legitimate heir to the Romanovs, based on a document signed by the renowned Mr. B.L.Laika.

So, seriously, if you even think for a second that that obvious fraud is real, you need to go sit at the back of the class with a dunce cap on for a bit. As in “until you develop a brain.”

But that’s not the important question here. What His Imperial Majesty finds interesting is why on earth Ogabe would throw a fraud so obvious that a 2-year-old with access to a Playstation 3 can see it? So obvious, in fact, that not even Dan Rather (than the truth) would fall for it.

This has to be a joke. Nobody is going to convince me that they couldn’t find some clown in a utility closet at 1600 Penn Ave who could have done a better job. I know this because I could have done a better job and if I can do it, then anybody with three functioning synapses can. All the twit would have had to do would be to “flatten” (merge all the layers into one) the image and then convert to .pdf. It takes all of three seconds if you take a coffee break.

It is so obvious that it had to have been done on purpose, and that’s the real question here: Why?

There are two possibilities that spring to my immense mind regarding that question:

1) It was designed to keep everybody busy arguing about his obvious fraud until November 2012, in which case he’s dumber than even I thought and, believe you me, I’m not about to sponsor him for Mensa membership.

2) It was designed to find out just how large of a percentage of the American population are willing to believe any damn thing coming out of his yap, no matter how preposterous, and to find out just who in the Party of Stupid are dumb enough to let him get away with it so they know who to push for GOP candidate come the primaries.

My money is on 2).

My bottom line? This neither proves nor disproves anything, other than the fact that Ogabe is a arrogant narcissist who not only disrespects the citizens of the nation that he allegedly leads, but who also thoroughly enjoys insulting their intelligence by proving, time and again, just how little he cares about anything they say or do.

But we already knew that.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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