It’s been six months. Cant sleep some nights, other nights bad dreams that wake me and wont let me sleep. I hear her voice in my dreams, wake up and she’s gone. Family keep telling me I’m brave, strong..all of that…God if they only knew.

They dont know.

And I wont tell them. Can’t.

Back at work..I used to have a mind that could multitask and do a hundred things..gone. Dead inside. When she died it did too. Cant concentrate, keep screwing up, went back to work because the walls kept closing in.

Falling flat on my face on simple clerical jobs. Forgetting things. Embarrassing. Scary.

Have to go on.

No choice.

No choice.

Healing takes time they tell me…how the fuck do they know? How does anyone know unless you’ve been here? I know the Rotties tried to help and God knows I am grateful….Id give anything to have her back, more than once I ask why.

There is no why. it just is.

Blessed are those that mourn. Friends have been there. Helped me find work. Stayed by me. I’ll get there somehow. Make it to end of this year then see whats next.

Every night. Every day. I love you, sweetheart. I miss you.

Pray for me.

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By LCBren

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