So we guess the next Big Story to keep people’s minds off of the numerous crimes of King Obola and his Prozi Democrat Party is how the CIA brutally tortured innocent brown people while lying to the poor innocent Prozi Democrats about it, the Prozi Democrat who were baying for blood and howling for retaliation right after 9/11 but now suddenly “knew noffink, NOFFINK, I tellz you!”

Ah, those lovable scamps of the Prozi Party. If they had half the compassion for the plight of their fellow countrymen that they lavish upon muslim mass murderers, this country would be in good shape. Sadly, they do not.

So it’s caterwauling time again, more pointless, sanctimonious drivel about “torture” and waterboarding, which, for the record, isn’t torture. Any Prozis who’d like to know what torture is are welcome to ask us for a demonstration. We’re quite well-versed in the methodology and implementation thereof, although we have, thankfully, never been called upon to use those particular skills.

Waterboarding, as well as other enhanced interrogation techniques do no harm, they leave no damage, and they’re very, very effective when it comes to making people sing like canaries. Most times even the threat of their application is enough to bring results. And with the promise of more Happy Fun Times should the information provided turn out not to be entirely true, the results are usually very useful.

Most of all, though, we really, really don’t understand what’s supposed to be so damnably “controversial” about being mean to barbaric, muslim savages. Here, a quick visual aid:

No, that's not Superman going for a recreational spin in the air
No, that’s not Superman going for a recreational spin in the air

See that?

Now please, explain to us again why His Imperial Majesty, or anybody else with a shred of human decency in their body, should give one flying solitary fuck as to what the CIA did or didn’t do to Khalid the mass murderer? At the very least give us one good reason why we should be in the least bit upset that he got water sprinkled in his face so we could get information that kept tens of thousands more pictures like the one above from becoming reality.

Just one. We’ve got all day. But make it a good one, will you?

Personally, we wouldn’t mind one bit if we were to find out that they’d jammed sparklers up his urethra and lit them on fire to get him to talk. Heck, the CIA could have done that to the miserable, subhuman sack of rancid goat semen just for funsies and we would still be fresh out of fucks to give.

Yet we’re supposed to be “gravely disturbed” that they splashed water in his face to make him talk?


Jumping Jehosaphat on a Pogo Stick, but this nation has gone completely round the bend and into silly-willy land.

If there is one reason why this Long War is still an ongoing project, it would be this.

9/11 was 13 years ago.

You know what we were doing 13 years after we got into WWII? We were commissioning the first nuclear powered submarine in the world and the Krauts and Nips were about as likely to look funny in our general direction as they were to land a man on Mars. They still are, by the way.

I hear people say that they’re weary of the Long War. I understand. I’m weary of it too. But mostly because I’m tired of us not fighting it, at least not fighting it to win it. Instead, we’re sending our best and bravest off into meat grinders with both arms tied behind their back, told that they’d better be nice and gentle with the beasts trying to murder them or we, the nation that they’re fighting for with a courage and dedication second to none, will treat them far worse than we ever treated Khalid Sheikh Mo-ham-head.

So we’re supposed to be upset about this upcoming “torture report?”

His Majesty will be, unless it turns out that we really did use those sparklers.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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