We were hoping for some added schadenbonerifficness in the wake of Mary “ObolaCare” Landrieu’s cataclysmic beating in the runoff election, and we weren’t disappointed. The Prozis reacted in their typical, dignified, gracious fashion to having been slapped about the face with a wet catfish and made to resent it.

Oh, who are we kidding?:

I don’t remember a much sadder sight in domestic politics in my lifetime than that of Mary Landrieu schlumpfing around these last few weeks trying to save a Senate seat that was obviously lost. It was like witnessing the last two weeks of the life of a blind and toothless dog you knew the vet was just itching to destroy.

We know. Wasn’t it wonderful? It was like watching the buildup to Old Yeller’s end, with all of the dramatic tension and sense of inevitability minus the fear of having to cry our eyes out at the end. Unless tears of laughter count.

I know that sounds mean about her, but I don’t intend it that way.

Oh but you do, and well you know it. And it’s quite alright with us. There’s nought wrong in being mean to a mean old bitch who spent her days “campaigning” for her seat by calling her constituents ignorant racists. So just let it out, Mikey, let it all out. It’s OK.

She did what she could

A low bar if ever we saw one. A dirty ashtray could claim to have done as much by simply sitting around stinking up the living room.

and had, as far as I know, an honorable career.

For a politician, that is, a Louisiana politician at that, which is, we believe, an even lower bar.

I do, however, intend it to sound mean about the reactionary, prejudice-infested place she comes from.

She did too, and didn’t hesitate to say it out loud every chance she got. Which is why she’s now called the former Louisiana senator.

A toothless dog is a figure of sympathy. A vet who takes pleasure in gassing it is not.

She had teeth, alright. Just ask the millions of innocent Americans who were told they could keep their plan and their doctor if they liked them who now, thanks to Mary the Bitch’s vote, have neither and can’t afford the piss poor “replacement” her vote shoved down their throats, which is a damn sight worse than anything any rabid dog ever did, so taking pleasure in seeing the miserable bitch put down, while maybe uncouth, can’t be called anything but understandable. If your child is bit by a dog, you can have the wound stitched up. Unless you’re on ObolaCare and can’t afford the $1,000 monthly premium and $10,000 deductible, of course, in which case the kid is left to take two aspirin and call the doc in the morning.

And that is what Louisiana, and almost the entire South, has become. The victims of the particular form of euthanasia it enforces with such glee are tolerance, compassion, civic decency, trans-racial community, the crucial secular values on which this country was founded… I could keep this list going.

We’re sure you could, but what’s really fascinating is that, no matter how long you kept it up, you’d never as much as touch upon anything even vaguely resembling the truth about the honorable South that you’re impotently waving your chubby, impeccably manicured Prozi baby fists at.

So we’re “intolerant, compassionless, indecent racists”, are we? Well pardon us for saying so, but we’ve lived in the South for quite a little while (all that while regretting the time we didn’t spend living here), and we’ve yet to find more charitable, friendly, give-a-stranger-the-shirt-off-of-your-back, non-racist people in all of the more “progressive” nations we’ve spent time in, and they number quite a few. Not to mention that our native country measures up quite well with the South, quite well indeed, yet the South still has us beat. Not by much, but we never thought we’d see anybody get even close to us.

The only times I’ve ever encountered racism in the South has been when some damnyankee passing through has opened his yap, but fortunately those pig ignorant fellers usually, usually have the decency to leave and go back home to whence they came. We don’t see white folk and colored folk. We just see folk, and we judge them accordingly, all of them. To us, ranting and raving about somebody’s skin color is about as plain dumb as doing so about their hair color. And if they behave like boors and cads, we have no problem calling them out on it, no matter what their color is either. Because we don’t, quite frankly, give a damn.

If you’re a dishonorable piece of shit, then that’s what you are. It’s not “understandable” if you’re black and it’s not “extra reprehensible” if you’re white. It’s just what you are. A dishonorable piece of shit. And we’re the “racist” ones? If a tree drops on a neighbor’s house, the whole neighborhood shows up with tools and chainsaws as soon as the storm settles, and we don’t “card check” the neighbor for “privilege” or skin color first, we just show up and get the job done, because we only see a neighbor in need.

But we’re “racists without compassion?”

Pardon our French, but you can go fuck yourself, you damnyankee rake, and if you were to say what you just said to our face, we’d slap you and expect to meet you at dawn, if you had to be dragged there, pissing your britches all the way.

But I think you get the idea. Practically the whole region has rejected nearly everything that’s good about this country

Our ideals are the ideals that built this country that you now hide your uselessness in, because we can assure you that you wouldn’t last a New York Minute in less affluent parts of the world. We used to share those ideals, we call it “The Constitution”, with the rest of this country. Sadly, that is no longer so. We’re the Remnant now, along with the brave souls who still exist in the North despite your best attempts to purge them.

We, our ideals, are this country, whatever is left of it.

Your kind are just a disease, the same kind of rot that the Founders whose boots you aren’t worthy of licking escaped and rebelled against.

and has become just one big nuclear waste site of choleric, and extremely racialized, resentment. A fact made even sadder because on the whole they’re such nice people! (I truly mean that.)

Oh sure you do. You just got done spewing out, from the safety of your Prozi enclave, a list of mortal insults that would, in a more civilized time, have seen your gut run through a hundred times, yet you “truly mean” that we’re “nice?”

Aww. Bless your heart.

No. That’s not a compliment.

With Landrieu’s departure, the Democrats will have no more senators from the Deep South, and I say good.

We see eye to eye on one thing? Good.

Forget about it. Forget about the whole fetid place.

And all of those “nice people” living in that “fetid place?” How gracious of you.

If you were a man, we’d resent the hell out of that. But you’re evidently not.

Write it off. Let the GOP have it and run it and turn it into Free-Market Jesus Paradise.

Thanks. We’d like that. Although we’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t turn us over to the GOP. We’d rather suck the teats of a rancid, long-dead possum. Please keep them. It’s about time you made your unholy, incestuous union official, after all. You’ve been common law married for over twenty years already, and we hear that up there you can pretty much marry your bicycle by now.

The Democrats don’t need it anyway.

Unless they want to eat, rely on something more effective than “shit ins” for national defense and warm their houses in the winter, that is.

Actually, that’s not quite true. They need Florida, arguably, at least in Electoral College terms.

Oh? So we’re good for something, is it? For keeping your Prozis in the White House, ruling your decaying empire by edict. Bless your hearts.

And you, of course, think that we’d let you keep Florida, right? Not that you’d need it if you’d written us off (G-d make it that we see that day happen in our lifetime!) You’d be left with undisputed, dictatorial rule in the North, never once again having to worry about election results with less than 90% in favor of your candidate, just like in the days of Iraq’s Hussein, the namesake of your current emperor.

It’s lost. It’s gone. A different country. And maybe someday it really should be.

The South, he means.

We really hope he’s right. We DO know that the Prozi Democrat Party’s decades-long policy of shitting on the states who still believe in checks and balances and the Constitution that our forefathers fought and died for has, surprisingly, resulted in those states rejecting their fascist party wholesale.

He’s just getting a few things wrong about the details.

First, His Imperial Majesty just doesn’t see the sense in this whole “Washington writing off the South” or “the South seceding.”

Why would we? WE’RE the only Americans left. Why should WE leave. Why don’t WE just throw THEM out of the Union?

Speaking as a Texan, we graciously let the rest of the country join us in 1845. We see no reason why we couldn’t, and shouldn’t, tell THEM to leave the premises now or be shot for trespassing.

Think about it. If we, the South, decide to tell the Prozi Nation to get the fuck out of our Union and go peddle their bull somewhere else, what would they do? Cry on us? Bleed on us? Oh, they’d bleed alright, they’d bleed a lot. Cut off our energy? The non-Prozi states sit on pretty much all of the energy production. Force us? Where does the majority of the armed forces hail from? Where are the majority of their bases located? Out-produce us into submission? Seriously, speaking only for Texas, and we know we’re not alone here, but we can’t hardly beat companies wanting to move here off with a stick!

What is it with this whole “rebelling against the Union again” nonsense?

We’re not the ones rebelling, we’re the ones trying to uphold what this country used to be about and, unlike the last time, we’re the ones fighting for the liberty of all people, we’re the ones sitting on the real power. We hold industry, food and energy, not to mention the military.

Why, seriously, should we be the ones to leave when we, by right, are the ones who should tell them to get off of our property, right now, or face the consequences?

We’re not the underdog in this fight, and we need to quit thinking like we are.

And the pansy-arsed Prozi ponces can have their “more perfect union” if they want, we wish them joy of it (and we know they’ll have as much joy of it as the Ukrainians in the 30s had of the Soviet Union), but we’re not giving up Old Glory, that flag belongs to us, even if we temporarily have to rip a few stars off of it.

The United States is not something that belongs who whoever holds on to the fetid swampland that is D.C. That’s just a tract of land, and not a particularly attractive one at that. Did we bend over and take the Crown up our Khyber Pass when the Brits took it and burned it in 1814? The Hell we did!

This nation, the flag we hold sacred and the Republic and ideals for which it stands, made immortal in the Declaration and the Constitution belongs to those who believe in it and nobody else. They can leave us and form their own state for a while, we’ll take it back, but they can’t have our flag or our name. It belongs to us, it always did belong to us, it was born in blood and fire and it is the birthright of our children.

We’ll be damned if we’ll let them have it.

So we’re not seceding, dear LCs wherever you might be.

We’re taking it BACK and kicking the bums out.


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By Emperor Misha I

Ruler of all I survey -- and then some.

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