The OH department of Wildlife and Preservation was called in to downtown Columbus Ohio today when a rabid Wilde-beast was mistakenly allowed to escape it’s minimum wage cage at Burger King and terrorize citizens.
Wildlife officers said that this species is extremely low in intelligence but highly aggressive and should be treated with the utmost caution. They also noted that a marked increase in sightings of these dangerous beasts of prey are becoming increasingly common as more and more decent people are forced to work in inner city hell hole liberal utopia of next Tuesday environments to eke out a meager existence in the gilded age of Obama-nomics, and find themselves suddenly in the breeding grounds of the Hairy Wilde-beast and the just as dangerous White Crack-Ho and Black Ghetto rat.
The Hairy Wide-beast is a sub-species of Hom0-Erectus, believed to be the blow by product of two or possibly 3 or more doped up smelly flower children rutting like pigs without adequate birth control, which was recently outlawed by the Hobby Lobby.
The species is easily identified by the incessant screaming of incoherent sentences such as “jingoist fucking asshole” and “white privileged motherfucker”. Noted for their violent outbursts they are prone to trample on fellow citizens First Amendment Rights, and spout such profound witticisms as “No uterus No Opinion”. It is further thought that this species emulates Nazi theological thought patterns and would gladly stuff every “white privileged racist asshole” they happen to disagree with into a box car at the point of a gun, to be delivered to the nearest Zyklon-B Facility.
Further identifying features according to Ohio’s Wild Life Control officers are – EBT Cards hanging out of their pockets, bulging pants and or blouse seams stretched to the breaking point by cellulite, rotten protruding teeth often accompanied by chronic halitosis, sloping or protruding brow, and an overwhelming stench of rancid french fries and rotted pickles.
While not completely clear, scientists think the Hairy Wilde-Beast to be a close cousin to both the White Trash Crack-Ho and Black Ghetto-Rat, with blood ties to Hillary Clinton and Bill Ayers still being investigated. It is however, know for fact the species is heavily influenced by NOW NARAL, NAMBLA, Wendy Davis, and the Pajama Boy of Obama’s ACA Commercials.
Asked what one should do when confronted with a Angry Hairy Wide-Beast – The OH Department of Wildlife spokesman stated “Shoot the thing in the head. Empty your magazine. It’s the only sure way to avoid being mauled and possibly contracting fucktardliberalitis”.