Holiday Open Peni… Oh Shite, We Mean Thread. THREAD, Dammit!

Because it is the season for a reason or, wait…

Nevermind…

It’s beginning to look a lot like peeeen… STOP IT!

OK, Imma go sit down for a bit.

*Hic!*

UPDATE: In keeping with the season, er theme, er… Fuggedaboutit. We stole this from Cracked.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjA-59brQ6c[/youtube]

So what?, you say.

Watch it again. Only this time imagine that they’re looking at your… PENIS.

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FIRST!

What?

I had to do it.

Is this a case of “sit down before you fall down.”?

LC Aggie Sith, a goddess, only different, G.G.O.R.
LC Aggie Sith, a goddess, only different, G.G.O.R.

Lay down, most likely. Just have a bendy straw handy for your drink 😀

LC SecondMouse
LC SecondMouse

Remember, Dean Martin was right. You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger
Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger

PENIS!!

HempRopeAndStreetlight
HempRopeAndStreetlight

Just be sure all web capable video recorders and angsty teenagers are secured before partaking of your libations.

Speaking of vices, I am going to hunt down a cigar.

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

Y’all warm the COCKles of my heart! :em01:

Speaking of Penis…

Penis Hard and Penis Hard 2, and then Penis Hard with a Vengeance, Live Free or Penis Hard, and A Good Day to Penis Hard.

There. Penis.

Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger
Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger

Bendy straw? Is that a euphemism for….. PENIS?!! :em05:

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

Princess Natasha, Vlad Putin’s Bastard War-Child says:

Bendy straw? Is that a euphemism for….. PENIS?!!

That could be rather painful. The visual is making me want to cross my legs in pain.

HempRopeAndStreetlight
HempRopeAndStreetlight

Ouch! Can You Really Break Your Penis? http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=can-you-really-break-your What exactly is broken penis syndrome? It’s what we call penile fracture. It is a severe form of bending injury to the erect penis that occurs when a membrane called the tunica albuginea tears. The tunica albuginea surrounds the corpora cavernosa, specialized spongy tissue in the core of the penis that fills… Read more »

VonZorch Imperial Researcher
VonZorch Imperial Researcher

Have a happy and well lubricated Zagmuk. Yes, Zagmuk, look it up.

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

Yeah, I read that recently. Holy fucking shit, that just sounds so horrible! I have a very active imagination, and I can almost feel the pain!

Um, wow.

Terrapod
Terrapod

Sumptin lost in translation dere, musta hired the deaf sign terp from SudAfriker or dat Jarrett broad. Anyhoo, seems a bit early to be drinking the nog :em01:

It’s never too early to drink the nog. The earlier, the better.

Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery

OH come on……

now you all are just being DICKS

:em07:

Terrapod
Terrapod

Did you say “Dicks” or “Ducks”?

LC Staci GBOR
LC Staci GBOR

I see everyone is screwing around. Typical. *snicker*

Igor, Imperial Booby
Igor, Imperial Booby

Oh, schnapps…. what kind of thread *is* this?!?!

I don’t have anything clever to say so I’m going to go have to find a photo of a blue footed Booby and post that. When in doubt post Boobies!

Testes, Does this thing squirt, er work?

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

Library Czar says:

Testes, Does this thing squirt, er work?

Heh. You said “squirt!”

irish19
irish19

HempRopeAndStreetlight says: Ouch! Can You Really Break Your Penis? http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=can-you-really-break-your What exactly is broken penis syndrome? It’s what we call penile fracture. It is a severe form of bending injury to the erect penis that occurs when a membrane called the tunica albuginea tears. The tunica albuginea surrounds the corpora cavernosa, specialized spongy tissue in the core of the penis… Read more »

LCBren
LCBren

In reply to the broke dick question… yes. sort of. Many more years ago than I care to admit I had a high speed auger in on a dirt bike. Long story short (no pun intended) the end of the handle bars grabbed aholt of my tackle and pulled. Sideways. Hard enough I immediately threw up in my helmet. Doc… Read more »

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

Penis
Dick
Cock
man Meat
baloney pony
Purple helmeted warrior
trouser trout
wang
pee pee
ding a ling
pillar of pleasure
johnson
schwantz
shag stick

any more?

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

knob, dong,weiner, salami,wee wee,choad,pecker,willy, schlong, one-eyed trouser snake, tally-whacker, heat-seeking love missile, beef bayonet, wedding tackle, pork sword, little soldier, my little pony, my other head, power drill, magic wand, joystick, jack hammer, frankfurter, Captain Winkie, summer sausage, jack-in-the-box, bread in the basket, long john silver,GodZilla, Super secret agent hosepipe.

Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger
Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger

OT, but the inventor of the awesome AK, GEN Mikhail Kalashnikov, passed away Monday, at age 94. RIP, Sir, and thanks for all the toys!

LC R6
LC R6

What are the signs of penile fracture? Wow. Where to start…… A high pitched keening sound that most would swear a human being couldn’t make. Convulsions that would beat whatever the standing record for a Grand Mal were. A sympathetic doubling over, crotch grab and scream by every male in a 2 mile radius. The sudden collapse of one wing… Read more »

BigDogg - Imperial Thread Killer (ITK)
BigDogg - Imperial Thread Killer (ITK)

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Schlongs

LCBren
LCBren

LC R6

*brandishes scalpel*

Now hold still…..
:em05: :em05:

single stack
single stack

Chance @ #: 28

I once read that you can only break your peen when you have a boner. You must really like riding dirt bikes. :em05:

single stack @ #:
It was a nice bike…

LC Light29ID - The Imperial Asshole
LC Light29ID - The Imperial Asshole

Semen Slurping Cock Sockets

Top that yea ‘bloody bastards :em07:

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

LC Light29ID – The Imperial Asshole says:

Semen Slurping Cock Sockets
Top that yea ‘bloody bastards

Ass felching cunt grenade.

If I didn’t win, I’m at least in the team photo!

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

And Star Trek: The Search for Cock

LC Roguetek
LC Roguetek

“Crouching Beaver, Hidden Penis.”

suprised nobody did that one yet.

HempRopeAndStreetlight
HempRopeAndStreetlight

This one seemed to fit in here…. Your Penis Is Huge … Compared to an ape’s. By Tom Hickman http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2013/12/average_penis_size_human_penises_are_huge_compared_to_other_primates.html “Objectively, even big human penises are small, other than in comparison with other human penises; but virtually all human penises are big in comparison with those of the other 192 primate species. Flaccid, the penis of the gorilla and the… Read more »

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

h/t Breitbart

According to the Liberty Institute, the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) is refusing to allow school children to give Christmas cards to veterans if those cards say “Merry Christmas” or “God bless you.” Religious liberty lawyers have sent the VA a letter demanding they immediately lift the ban.

Just Another Random Nut, GLOR
Just Another Random Nut, GLOR

I’m surprised nobody’s ever just called it the poker (poke-her).

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

Best Democrat Quotes of 2013

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkY1Wm3pwIw

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

Last night on the CBS Evening News I saw a little snippet of Mr. Øbama´s Christmas message to the troops. Moochelle had a death stare and did not look happy at all.

She is one ugly woman – both inside and out…

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

LC Gladiator says: h/t Breitbart According to the Liberty Institute, the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) is refusing to allow school children to give Christmas cards to veterans if those cards say “Merry Christmas” or “God bless you.” Religious liberty lawyers have sent the VA a letter demanding they immediately lift the ban. Not quite. They distribute non-denominational cards… Read more »

Igor, Imperial Booby
Igor, Imperial Booby

LC SecondMouse @ #5:

“I am not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings. I’m a drunk. *WE* go to parties!”

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

President Obama Didn’t Go To Church For Christmas December 27, 2013 – 4:26 PM By Michael W. Chapman (CNSNews.com) – President Barack Obama, first lady Michelle Obama, and their two daughters did not go to church on either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, according to press pool reports. The Obamas are in Kailua, Hawaii for a 17-day Christmas vacation. Although… Read more »

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

Female Marines Not Required To Do 1 Pull-Up December 27, 2013 – 2:02 PM By Barbara Boland (CNSNews.com) — Females in the Marine Corps currently are not required to do pull-ups as part of their physical training, and a deadline mandating that they do at least 3 pull-ups by Jan. 1, 2014 as part of their training has been delayed… Read more »

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

LC Gladiator says: Female Marines Not Required To Do 1 Pull-Up December 27, 2013 – 2:02 PM By Barbara Boland (CNSNews.com) — Females in the Marine Corps currently are not required to do pull-ups as part of their physical training, and a deadline mandating that they do at least 3 pull-ups by Jan. 1, 2014 as part of their training… Read more »

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch says:

My daughter is currently in basic training, and she’s been required to do pull-ups since she got there. She can now do 10, which I would bet is more than you could do

doubtful. My gym measures total pull ups in 200 second intervals. I did 46.

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch @ #: Why women soldiers don’t belong on the front lines However unfair, however much it pains us to admit it, in some areas, men and women are simply not equal Recently, word leaked that the secretary of defense intends to lift restrictions on women in combat. I wish I could declare that this… Read more »

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

LC Gladiator @ #:

H/T ARMY TIMES

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

LC Gladiator says:

My daughter is currently in basic training, and she’s been required to do pull-ups since she got there. She can now do 10, which I would bet is more than you could do

LOL I could do 10 pull ups in the FOURTH GRADE !!!

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch says:

So maybe you should shut your yap about women in the military. Those who make the commitment and work hard to attain high standards don’t deserve your ignorant derision.

High standards……………………….?
ROFLMAO

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

LC Gladiator says: LC Gladiator says: My daughter is currently in basic training, and she’s been required to do pull-ups since she got there. She can now do 10, which I would bet is more than you could do LOL I could do 10 pull ups in the FOURTH GRADE !!! How many can you do now, asshole? LC Gladiator… Read more »

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

LC Gladiator says: LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch says: My daughter is currently in basic training, and she’s been required to do pull-ups since she got there. She can now do 10, which I would bet is more than you could do doubtful. My gym measures total pull ups in 200 second intervals. I did 46. Yeah. Right. Somehow,… Read more »

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch says: Oh, please! Tell us all about your honorable military service and how high-speed you are! I bet you my kid could kick your ass with one hand tied behind her back, shitbag. There you go again..Rather than disproving my points , you resort (sink) to personal attacks (shitbag, shitstick, dumb, asshole) Par for… Read more »

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

LC Gladiator says: LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch says: Oh, please! Tell us all about your honorable military service and how high-speed you are! I bet you my kid could kick your ass with one hand tied behind her back, shitbag. There you go again..Rather than disproving my points , you resort (sink) to personal attacks (shitbag, shitstick, dumb,… Read more »

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

We interrupt Gladiator’s pathetic, disingenuous spew for the following breaking news.

Four US military personnel are being held Libyans.

Four U.S. military personnel are being held in Libyan government custody, the State Department said Friday night.

Shit. Just shit.

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch says:

Now, shoo! Your pathetic, puny little attempts at actual discussion don’t belong. Now let adults discuss dick in peace!

Im QUITE sure you know lots about DICK

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch says:

Four U.S. military personnel are being held in Libyan government custody, the State Department said Friday night.

Theyre probably women

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch says: We interrupt Gladiator’s pathetic, disingenuous spew for the following breaking news. There she goes, AGAIN There you go again..Rather than disproving my points , you resort (sink) to personal attacks (shitbag, shitstick, dumb, asshole, pathetic) Par for the course with you Nicki…you claim you want honest debate , yet sink to profanity and… Read more »

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

LC Gladiator says: LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch says: Four U.S. military personnel are being held in Libyan government custody, the State Department said Friday night. Theyre probably women US military personnel are being held by a hostile government, and you resort to this? You’re not just a shitbag. You’re a pathetic, indecent, stupid cuntwart. Here. This is what… Read more »

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

Al Jazeera just tweeted that the four have been released. Let’s hope it’s true.

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

Apparently, the four were reviewing potential evacuation routes for diplomats – standard stuff – when they were detained. There was some kind of problem at a checkpoint after which they were detained and moved to the Ministry of Interior. Twitter had their photos, which I think is incredibly stupid and counter to OPSEC. Security badges and passports. Dumb. But it… Read more »

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

LC Gladiator says: LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch says: Now, shoo! Your pathetic, puny little attempts at actual discussion don’t belong. Now let adults discuss dick in peace! Im QUITE sure you know lots about DICK LC Gladiator says: LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch says: Four U.S. military personnel are being held in Libyan government custody, the State… Read more »

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch says:

There are Americans in danger, fuckbag! Why don’t you take your puny little excuse for an intellect away somewhere where people give a shit what you cut and paste on a regular basis!

Heeeeeres Nicki…..
http://a.disquscdn.com/uploads/mediaembed/images/764/5052/original.jpg

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch
LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch

LC Gladiator says:

LC Nicki the Resident Misanthropic Bitch says:
There are Americans in danger, fuckbag! Why don’t you take your puny little excuse for an intellect away somewhere where people give a shit what you cut and paste on a regular basis!
Heeeeeres Nicki…..
http://a.disquscdn.com/uploads/mediaembed/images/764/5052/original.jpg

Is that your boyfriend Gladiator? I’d say he’s a little young for you.

LMAO

Darth Venomous
Darth Venomous

This is all really starting to get very tiresome…

Just Another Random Nut, GLOR
Just Another Random Nut, GLOR

Lost amid the penis jokes and ad hominem nonsense is this absolute GEM: South Pole weather has stymied a rescue by a Chinese icebreaker trying to reach an expedition vessel trapped for the past four days in frozen seas, a ship officer told CNN Friday. The Chinese icebreaker Xue Long, or Snow Dragon, was just six nautical miles away from… Read more »

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

A radio ad from Keller’s Riverside Store located on the beautiful Llano River in the heart of Texas. Whether you agree with Crockett Keller or not at least he gives you the opportunity to understand his position before you decide whether to do business with him. I love truth in advertising

http://biggeekdad.com/2011/10/kellers-riverside-store/

HempRopeAndStreetlight
HempRopeAndStreetlight

Don’t Worry, Be Happy http://www.dailypundit.com/?p=80622 http://www.theverge.com/2013/12/27/5249016/fbi-investigating-military-style-attack-on-california-power-plant Chatted this over with my brother and the nephew after we saw the links, we figure it’s one of three things: – A “shot across the bow” – folks of all stripes and political affiliations are getting completely fed up with Mordor’s bullshit. Find a constituency that’s not pissed off right now – heh.… Read more »

Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery

HempRopeAndStreetlight says: This would be the third hit on the grid in 9 months. If folks get serious about tearing it up, I’d imagine people might want to look into some back-up power options. Some of that stuff takes a loooooong time to replace if my limited understanding of the big transformers is accurate. possible dry run for a terrorist… Read more »

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

How political correctness humiliated Navy SEALs who caught Qaeda killer. This will make you angry, very angry.

http://nypost.com/2013/12/29/how-political-correctness-humiliated-navy-seals-who-caught-qaeda-killer/

LC hilljohnny
LC hilljohnny

Just Another Random Nut, GLOR says:

Russian expedition ship stuck in an ice floe near Antarctica

this calls for vodka on the rocks.
:em01:

LC R6
LC R6

*goes back out into hallway and looks at number on door*

Did I miss something? What the hell is going on in here? I thought I had hit the wrong bookmark and ended up in the huffpo or something!

What

Are

You

People

DOING!!!!

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

– A German magazine lifted the lid on the operations of the National Security Agency’s hacking unit Sunday, reporting that American spies intercept computer deliveries, exploit hardware vulnerabilities, and even hijack Microsoft’s internal reporting system to spy on their targets. Der Spiegel’s revelations relate to a division of the NSA known as Tailored Access Operations, or TAO, which is painted… Read more »

Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger
Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger

LC R6 says: *goes back out into hallway and looks at number on door* Did I miss something? What the hell is going on in here? I thought I had hit the wrong bookmark and ended up in the huffpo or something! What Are You People DOING!!!! We are bored. Troll-O-Matic stopped producing libtard trolls, so we figured we get… Read more »

LC Gladiator
LC Gladiator

According to Chicago PD crime statistics posted on their website, over 75% of gun homicides in 2013 involved African Americans as the shooter(s).

Can you imagine 0bama on Chicagos streets in his mom pants?

He wouldnt last an hour

Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger
Princess Natasha, Imperial Koch-monger

LC R6 @ #:

*throws chair at R6, runs away cackling maniacally*
:em07: