Thank G-d! The Long War is Over!

The head of the National Park Gestapo has finally told us why he “had” to detain aging tourists under arms in Yellowstone National Park and ferry them out under armed escort, no restroom stops allowed for 2.5 hours, among other indignities ordered by Reichsführer Stompy Foot Hussein during the Long National Nightmare that was ShutdownPocalypse:

The National Park Service director told Congress on Wednesday that he had to shut down the open-air memorials on the Mall during the government shutdown because of terrorism, saying that closing them was the only way to protect them “in a post-9/11 world.”

Director Jonathan B. Jarvis also said his agency had received intelligence showing an increased threat of danger since the shutdown began — though he would not tell two House committees what those warnings were.

Because of course he couldn’t. But it surely had something to do with nonagenarians visiting Yellowstone or WWII vets planning to blow up the WWII memorial erected in their honor. But he can’t tell because NATIONAL SECURITY.

All we need to know is that the immortal heroes of the National Park Gestapo finally found the solution to the terrorist threat that has been eluding us for 12 long years: BARRYCADES!

Just witness the pure genius of his greenshirts preventing the inevitable attack on the World War I memorial:

Not pictured: Hordes of islamic fundamentalist storming the impregnable BarryCades.

Not pictured: Hordes of islamic fundamentalists storming the impregnable BarryCades.

What? Nobody tried to blow up that memorial? Of course not! It worked!

All hail the Greenshirts! If they don’t get a Congressional citation for their heroism under non-fire, there is no justice in this world!


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LC Xystus
LC Xystus
October 23, 2013 02:39

Mr. Jiveass had better not still be in DC when my entourage arrives. “Just sayin’.”

LC Roguetek
LC Roguetek
October 23, 2013 06:02

You know, there was a time not long ago in this country, that when you lied to Congress, you actually were expected to put some effort into it.

Now, they don’t even try.

“Because terrorism”?


October 23, 2013 08:33

Terrorism? National Security? :em05:

What a bunch of bullshit!

You see that when these drones are called to testify to CONgress, they do not have to say shit.

And the CONgress has no balls!

But then, it is filled with traitors that are all bought off.

We are soooooo fucked! :em08:


October 23, 2013 09:13

Well, much like the response to the Boston Bombers, it lets the President know who he can count on to follow orders, and who can be expected to misbehave.

The City of Boston will do well – they do what they’re told by their betters. As will the Park Police.


October 23, 2013 11:33

So I guess Al Qaeda was going to use scenic overlooks to launch missiles at Mt Rushmore? Good thing they were foiled by orange cones.

LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
October 23, 2013 14:05

dasbow says:

So I guess Al Qaeda was going to use scenic overlooks to launch missiles at Mt Rushmore? Good thing they were foiled by orange cones.

:em05: :em05: :em05: :em05: :em05:

LC Xystus
LC Xystus
October 24, 2013 02:03


We are soooooo fucked! :em08:

Not as much as they’re gonna be when it’s over!

October 25, 2013 15:42

all cops are your enemy and never forget that or talk to them with out a lawyer present because cops see you as their is always us against them with cops and they will lie you into prison with the help of corrupt prosecutors if they can get away with it.

October 27, 2013 10:47

This is certainly the Park Gestapo’s finest hour. First a puff piece about how Pislam saved women, then the most craven bow to fascism and Barry the Buttpuppet. The head of the Pork Service needs to go. Write this c*cksucker and tell him!

Jon Jarvis
National Park Service
1849 C Street NW
Washington, DC 20240