Live Forever?

(H/t Daily Pundit)

We’re not going to slam the entrepreneurial spirit of this sprightly Russian engineer suggesting that he can create a way of uploading the human consciousness into an android, making us independent of our mortal meat sacks, nor can we say that we’re surprised that somebody is working on it. We’ve long thought that it would be the next logical step and the only way to achieve earthly immortality, but we do question his confidence a bit.

He has contacted a list of billionaires with a proposal for funding his quest for immortality – which Itskov refers to as ‘cybernetic immortality’ and the ‘artificial body’.

‘For anyone interested, but skeptical, I am ready to prove the viability of the concept of cybernetic immortality by arranging an expert discussion with a team of the world’s leading scientist working in this field.

Listen, Itskov (who apparently doesn’t have a first name), we’re not going to point fingers and laugh at you for being out of your mind. Plenty of people did that when visionaries predicted a future where personal computers the size of a coffee table book would have the power of a thousand CRAYs and would be found in homes across the world and they’re the only ones being laughed at now, not that many years later.

But as far as fundraising goes, your approach is lacking. “Expert discussions”, no matter how riveting, do not a “proof of concept” make. Start small. Demonstrate that you can upload the brain of, say, a mouse into an “avatar” and we guarantee you that the money will be flowing in so hard you may be crushed under its sheer weight.

And with that, we wish you the best of luck. Should you succeed, your name will rightfully enter into history and you will, well-deservedly, become rich beyond your wildest imaginations.

(And don’t be too dismayed when a socialist fucktard later claims that “you didn’t build that, somebody else did it for you.” Just throw a solid brick of gold in his face and laugh as his brains splatter all over the place)

Thatisall.

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Draven32
Draven32
July 19, 2012 04:32

His final goal, he says, is to upload human minds into holographic bodies. Holograms give plenty of advantages. You can walk through walls, move at the speed of light, he says. ‘Remember in Star Wars, Obi-Wan’s hologram? That was pretty amazing.’ Holograms also can’t pick anything up, and don’t have any tactile feedback, except in Star Trek. The hologram in… Read more »

angrywebmaster
angrywebmaster
July 19, 2012 06:10

There’s another, far more important problem. How will you taste your beer? :em05:

Draven32
Draven32
July 19, 2012 06:15

angrywebmaster says:

There’s another, far more important problem. How will you taste your beer?
angrywebmaster recently posted..Bill Whittle presents 1001 reasons to reelect Obama

or anything for that matter. We’re decades away from being able to do full sensory input into the brain…

emily_nelson
emily_nelson
July 19, 2012 08:02

Why would anyone want to live forever? I can see wanting to live a long time, like maybe a century or two, but forever? He sounds like a scammer to me.

GamerFromJump
GamerFromJump
July 19, 2012 08:29

I want to. Emily. Particularly, I want to live long enough to see the last of the 60s refugees and Occuvermin kick it. I actually had a response to the “tampering in god’s will” types, in the form of a parable: A man is caught in a flood and climbs on his roof to escape the rising waters. He prays… Read more »

Draven32
Draven32
July 19, 2012 10:36

GamerFromJump says:

And yeah, any form of new physicality would need to have capabilities of sensation equal to or better than spec. That episode of animated Superman that introduces Metallo gives a pretty good depiction of why this is important.

Geek term: cyberpsychosis.

Qoheleth
Qoheleth
July 19, 2012 12:50

Rule of thumb: anytime a conversation with a salesman includes the phrase “well, first we saw off your head, and then we freeze it,” odds are good you’re deep in snake-oil territory. Walt Disney ain’t ever coming back. Plus, consider this: when “energy costs necessarily skyrocket,” who’s going to charge the batteries on your android body? And do you have… Read more »

Templar_Knight
Templar_Knight
July 19, 2012 16:26

This will go the way of cryogenic stasis. They can thaw out an earthworm or beagle and bring it “back to life”, but they cant do it on a human. There is no way to capture the human soul. You cant freeze it nor can you digitalize it.

LC Spare Parts
LC Spare Parts
July 19, 2012 16:32

Holly was on Red Dwarf with Arnold Rimmer, Kryton the mechanoid, and Dave Lister was the last human. Would you want him to be immortal? The question of tasting beer is moot. Like the song says, “In heaven there is no beer. That’s why we drink it here.” And the late Jaques Brel wrote of “fornication on tape” in 1960.… Read more »

LC Xystus
LC Xystus
July 19, 2012 16:38

KArnold:

Walt Disney ain’t ever coming back.

Duhh–he was cremated.

dcs2244
dcs2244
July 19, 2012 17:36

This guy must have the complete “Ghost in the Shell” series on DVD; they call it science fiction for a reason (and it will be the japs, not the ruskies, who will accomplish the technology).

Slightly to the right of Gingis Khan
Slightly to the right of Gingis Khan
July 19, 2012 18:16

I know most of us are laughing about the though of having our consciousness implanted into a robot. But I’m excited about this, not the living forever part, but the side benefits of this type of research. I know a woman who was born without a leg, and I would love to give her the full Jamie Sommers treatment.

Qoheleth
Qoheleth
July 19, 2012 18:18

Xystus: I stand corrected – and all this time, I’d been under the impression he’d gone the cryonic route. Dang it, I missed the memo debunking that. Twenty years wasted on a false belief! I suppose now you’re going to tell me all those exhibits in Futurama’s Head Museum are fake, too. But give me credit for at least a… Read more »

Mike M
Mike M
July 19, 2012 19:17

KArnold – It’s an easy fix…

Walt Disney Ted Williams ain’t ever coming back.

There you go.

Slightly to the right of Gingis Khan
Slightly to the right of Gingis Khan
July 19, 2012 20:29

KArnold says:

But give me credit for at least a courtesy snicker on the Chevy-Volt-battery-in-an-android-body thing; I put a lot of thought into that one…

Credit given….. It’s gone into the big rolodex of jokes for later use.

emily_nelson
emily_nelson
July 19, 2012 21:48

GamerFromJump @ #:
I want to. Emily. Particularly, I want to live long enough to see the last of the 60s refugees and Occuvermin kick it.

I think that 200 years should be long enough to see all the 60’s refugees and Occuvermin kick it. Even long enough to see the deaths of their kids!

LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology
LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology
July 20, 2012 01:45

LC Spare Parts says:

Holly was on Red Dwarf with Arnold Rimmer, Kryton the mechanoid, and Dave Lister was the last human. Would you want him to be immortal?

If I’m remembering the plot twist in Ouroboros correctly, he arguably is…