Alright, We’ll Quit Complaining About Our Code Enforcement Officers Now

And considering how much all of you know how much His Imperial Gripeness loves to complain, it’s how we roll, you have to realize just how painful that is to us.

We actually did have a run-in with a local code enforcement officer once, due to weeds that had grown a bit. OK, a lot. But this is Texas, and if you think that His Norseness is going to drag his used-to-frozen-tundras body out in 100+ temps to do yard work… Still, the nice officer lady did have a point and, besides, we were getting tired of chasing little yellow guys with AKs and wearing those silly looking cone hats out of our yard, so we complied and got some oppressed little brown people to do it for us, and they earned every cent they got. Both of them. Cents, we mean. The nice lady didn’t even cite us, even though we’d somehow managed not to see the first notice. Because she was, we’re sure, a quite wonderfully nice lady. Being greeted at the door by a 6’3″ Viking with a 1911 on his hip and a PTR91 (that’s a beefed up HK91 to those who don’t know) at low port with a Rottweiler at his side didn’t have anything to do with it, we’re sure.

Maybe it was our natural, boyish charms and our silver tongue, but we digress…

This code officer out of Columbia County, GA, on the other hand:

A woman got the shock of her life when she woke up to find a stranger in her bedroom, yelling at her to wake up because her grass was too long. Erica Masters was asleep when Columbia County Code Compliance Officer Jimmy Vowell entered her Martinez, Georgia, home without permission to serve a violation notice for her overgrown lawn. After knocking on the woman’s door a few times, Vowell let himself and made his way into her bedroom, which was captured on surveillance video.

Alright. Now that’s taking code enforcement a bit too far, if you ask us, as in “hello, could you please come pick up your Code Enforcement Officer? He’s laying in a pool of blood in our bedroom with several new orifices in his body” too far. We don’t take too kindly to strangers waking us up in our own home, you see. Heck, we don’t take too kindly to our own family waking us up, but at least we haven’t shot any of them yet.

So yes, Code Officer Vowell (with two “l”s) would most likely be on “administrative leave” in the County Morgue now if he’d come by the Imperial Palace. We’re glad that the lady had a camera running, though, since that would seem to make it impossible for even the most dedicated of corrupt bureaucrats to turn this into yet another “that fucking peasant citizen is lying” case.

Not that we have any doubts that they’ll try anyway. Bureaucrats are like that. Until you turn them into fertilizer, that is, after which they develop a most delightful tendency to keep their worthless yaps shut.

Thatisall.

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Tallulah
Tallulah
July 18, 2012 00:20

That happened in GEORGIA?????????????? Holy CRAP. Well, this made me laugh, so I’m passing it on from my cousin — in Georgia. As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to “make a difference” in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other “seniors” who have found… Read more »

Slightly to the right of Gingis Khan
Slightly to the right of Gingis Khan
July 18, 2012 00:58

Emperor Misha I says: Hmmm… Maybe the time has come for Patriot Urinals™ in bars? Just add a picture of the Stuttering Clusterfuck of a Miserable Failure, Obongo, to the ceramic and you’ll have people deliberately drinking themselves silly just to be able to piss in Der Fubar’s face more often. Searching for a proper high res photo on line… Read more »

GGE
GGE
July 18, 2012 07:22

Back on subject…the biggest steaming pile about this story is the felching swine wasn’t dismissed for violating this woman’s privacy, oh no! He was dismissed for LYING about it! So what do we learn? It’s OK to bust into someone’s house, as long as you tell the truth about it! This is why I will never live anywhere there is… Read more »

LC BU1 IMotBP
LC BU1 IMotBP
July 18, 2012 08:34

Actually, even though toilets with the SCOAMF’s picture on them are a good start, I think there is more that can be done with this idea, though. Me thinks that there are other Presidents in our history, and there will be other President in our future who will deserve similar honors, and we should devise some way of being able… Read more »

LC Spare Parts
LC Spare Parts
July 18, 2012 09:48

The other person who should hang is the P o S who called the cops and ratted her out. F***ing buttinskis!!!

VonZorch Imperial Researcher
VonZorch Imperial Researcher
July 18, 2012 10:18

Make the back wall of the urinal transparent, with a space to put photos.
Easy to change to suit any occasion.

LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
July 18, 2012 11:19

:em01:

Mark12A
Mark12A
July 18, 2012 11:42

I hung a Mexican flag on a urinal on Cinco de Mayo. This is a way cooler idea. Back on point, my landlord (years ago) found himself at the wrong end of a pistol aimed at his sternum with 3 pounds on a four-pound trigger pull when he woke me up after a long midnight shift followed by some adult… Read more »

FrankOK
FrankOK
July 18, 2012 11:48

That’s why we have so many problems in society today. The stupid bastard that entered the home without permission is still stealing air from those who actually deserve it. Darwin was correct but we’ve failed to grasp the implications. If this stupid bastard/shithead/wanker were to have woke up dead the next day, we could say “lesson learned” and our species… Read more »

FrankOK
FrankOK
July 18, 2012 11:50

VonZorch Imperial Researcher says:

Make the back wall of the urinal transparent, with a space to put photos.
Easy to change to suit any occasion.

Dear Emperor – patent this idea.

Qoheleth
Qoheleth
July 18, 2012 14:36

“… entered her Martinez, Georgia, home without permission to serve a violation notice for her overgrown lawn…”

“It’s hard to keep that lawn mowed, sir… it covers the last Code Enforcement officer’s grave…”

LC Gregory
LC Gregory
July 18, 2012 16:04

“It’s hard to keep that lawn mowed, sir… it covers the last Code Enforcement officer’s grave…”

Well, as full of fertilizer as those people apparently are, that DOES explain the grass…