Oh Ferchrissakes STOP It, You Pathetic Doormats!

We thought, thought we’d said everything that we needed to say about Barack John Roberts’ hackery and the ObamaTax decision, and we would have been happy with that, but the rest of the punditsphere just can’t seem to let it go, which is all good and fine. Gives us a break trying to keep up with what’s going on out there.

If it hadn’t been for the pathetic sight of otherwise intelligent (in the main) individuals running around trying desperately to spin up something wonderful, coming up with some sort of excuse for Roberts the Legislator’s atrocious decision, whining about how “sure, it wasn’t what we hoped for, but he’s such a nice person otherwise and really, shouldn’t we all just cut him a break?” or “sure, on the face of it it looks like hackery of the first water, but really you can make the case that he was acting in good faith and, besides, it was brilliant like anything when you look at it closer!”

And hold your head just so, squint a bit and stand on one foot, we’re sure.

Listen, peasants of the punditsphere, it really IS quite simple:

Roberts first accepted that it wasn’t a tax because otherwise he and the court would have had to defer judgment until it had actually been collected (Anti-Injunction Act, The, look it up). Then he obviously accepted that it was a tax, because that was the entire foundation for his sloppy slurping of Ogabe’s nutsack. So it was simultaneously a tax and not a tax. Schroedinger’s Mandate, or something. Didn’t he once, during his hearings, say something about how Supreme Court Justices should be “calling it a ball or a strike?” Congrats, you insufferably arrogant twatstain, you called this one a ball and a strike. Whattajudge!

As if that wasn’t enough, he then proceeded to rewrite the law he was supposed to be judging so it would pass muster and he could reach the result he had already decided that he wanted, inserting the word “tax” where, heretofore, only the word “penalty” could be found. That’s what’s called “legislating from the bench”, and it used to be something that at least conservatives could agree was a Bad Thing™, but obviously that’s too un-nuanced now that “conservatives” are busy making up excuses for “their” boy in vain hopes that he’ll come back to them and make wild, compassionate monkey love to them again.

Seriously, Roberts apologistas, your boyfriend is making Justice Blackmun and his penumbras and emanations look like a towering monument to intellect, honesty and jurisprudence, and if you can’t see it, then you need an intervention and some serious therapy sessions.

Whether or not this is going to be good or bad in the long run and whatever in the name of Odin All-father’s Aching Hemorrhoids his intentions were behind carrying out this impeachable abortion of justice are good subjects to discuss, but there is absolutely no denying that Roberts bent the Law over the tailgate of a pickup and reamed it like a jackhammer on steroids.

We’ll finish with a quote:

The reaction of the GOP loyalists has been amusing, too. They’ve spent the last several days staggering around the internet, sporting a shiner and telling us they ran into a doorknob and that John Roberts really does love them and he always buys them flowers to make up afterwards. It’s just pathetic.

“Pathetic” is too kind, but other than that it’s spot on.

So why don’t you petukhi doormats put a slab of beef on that shiner of yours and piss off back in the kitchen? Because your boyfriend is going to be really pissed off if there isn’t a sandwich and a cold six-pack waiting for him when he gets home from whoring with all of his liberal bimbos, and then what would you do?

We’d call you a bunch of submissive, whiny cunts, but that would be a grave insult to innocent female genitals everywhere.

Bitches.

Thatisall.