And here’s how I plan to celebrate, just to be sure I do it in a proper right wing death beast fashion that honors the wishes and sensibilities of our leftie friends.

I’m scheduled for a 12 hour shift. I’m going to show up an hour early and leave an hour late. Did I mention that I’m salaried.

I will pull over every car with an Obummer bumper sticker and issue them a citation for DWTC, Driving While Terminally Cluefucked.

I will pull over every Prius, Volt and Smartcar I see and berate the drivers for being pretension dumbfucks. I will leave my patrol car in neutral with a box of lead ammo (in honor of the envirofreaks) on the gas pedal at an even 4000 RPMs or so while I do it. If the driver is over 50 and has a pony tail, an earring, or any type of peace symbol in view, I will beat them about the head, neck, chest and breast area with their own spleen (or maybe their, duodenum, it depends on my mood).

On every call I go to, the first words out of my mouth will be “Where da hoodies and grills at? I gots me some profilin ta do.”

Just for Moochelle Antoinette, I will eat the greasiest cheeseburger I can find, sans the bun, with a side of fries smothered in cheese, and a chocolate shake for dessert. I will only eat half of it and throw the rest out. Then I will order seconds and eat all of it. I will buy a six pack of Pepsi Throwback (made with real sugar), drink it all, and throw the plastic bottles in the garbage can. I will make sure that there is a recycling bin in reach when I do so, and if possible in sight of a treehumper.

I will print every email that I get and throw it away. The emails with the obnoxious “consider the environment before printing this email”signature line I will print twice, make 10 copies, and throw them all in the trash can. Again, with a recycling bin in reach.

I will visit my bank. Just to say “Hello, thanks for being capitalists!”

I will leave my car running all day, even when I’m at my desk.

I will buy 100 watt incandescent light bulbs, and while I’m in that aisle I will berate anyone who even looks at a mercury filled “hazmat in waiting” bulb.

If I should happen across any Occutards, I will give them a “brief” lesson on what an oppressor really is.

“Excessive force” will be an objective minimum standard.

I will replace our toilet paper with copies of “Das Kapital” and “Dreams of My Father”. I will then by my entire department lunch from that roadside taco stand with the questionable Health Department certificate.

For the feminazi’s I will eat a delicious meal prepared by my wife, who I will insist cook it while barefoot. I will then enjoy a beer and ceegar while she does the dishes and cleans the kitchen.

For the fag, trannie, carpet muncher, what ever community, I will have heterosexual, objectifying, misogynist, sex. Lot’s of it. And I will do it well, exceptionally well.

I’m sure I will think of more as the day goes on. Any of y’all have any ideas?

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By LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E.

Former USMC infantryman, proud father of a current USMC infantryman and two Princesses who know what that means. Currently an NRA law enforcement firearms instructor, radar instructor, CPR instructor, a few others but you get the point. Catholic, conservative, heterosexual, gun owner, anything I can do to piss off liberals.

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Delftsman3
Member
May 1, 2012 05:06

For the fag, trannie, carpet muncher, what ever community, I will have heterosexual, objectifying, misogynist, sex. Lot’s of it. And I will do it well, exceptionally well.

Well, I see you still have “the magnificent ass” :em05:

single stack
Member
single stack
May 1, 2012 06:10

For the fag, trannie, carpet muncher, what ever community, I will have heterosexual, objectifying, misogynist, sex. Lot’s of it. And I will do it well, exceptionally well.

Your wife will be the judge of that. :em01:

Mark12A
Member
Mark12A
May 1, 2012 06:19

Need a ride-along?

I can operate the siren as we drive slowly in front of occutards with bullhorns.

Plus, any arrestees we put in the back seat…we can leave them handcuffed there with the heater running and the windows rolled up while we interview witnesses…

JakeTheSnake
Member
JakeTheSnake
May 1, 2012 06:32

Great ideas!! Since it’ll be near 90 today around Nashville, I believe I’ll enjoy a pleasant 62 here in the house.

LC Ogrrre - Imperial Heartless Bastard
Member

For the feminazi’s I will eat a delicious meal prepared by my wife, who I will insist cook it while barefoot

The only way you could do this better is if your wife was about 8 months pregnant. Then you could take a photo of the occasion and fax it to the NAG. This would make their day! :em05:

LC Jackboot IC/A
Admin
May 1, 2012 07:36

I will have heterosexual, objectifying, misogynist, sex. Lot’s of it. And I will do it well, exceptionally well.

That’s not what the one-legged, one-eyed, midget hooker I saw last week said.

L.C. Mope
Member
May 1, 2012 08:21

For the fag, trannie, carpet muncher, what ever community, I will have heterosexual, objectifying, misogynist, sex. Lot’s of it. And I will do it well, exceptionally well. Hasn’t Helen Thomas been thru enough? Don’t forget to thank the guy with the Allen West bumper sticker doing 120mph for the Glowbull Worming for me. It’s been damn cold in these parts… Read more »

Radical Redneck
Member
Radical Redneck
May 1, 2012 08:26

Target…
Rich…
Environment…
:em01:

All I can think of is the epic scene of “Dawn of the Dead” where the whole family goes out to drink and shoot zombies! “no no don’t lead ’em so much!” :em05:

Imperial Grammar Nazi, G.L.O.R
Member
Imperial Grammar Nazi, G.L.O.R
May 1, 2012 08:36

Sir Crunchie of the alleged magnificent ass, interesting list of items. Pretty well covers the owsies’ complaints. You might also try having as many lights on today as possible. Go to the store and see if you can find something in styrofoam (maybe pick up the biggest, thickest, juiciest steak you can find for dinner). Be sure to fire up… Read more »

dasbow
Member
dasbow
May 1, 2012 08:41

Make sure to leave the ‘turtle choker’ on the six pack.

LC HJ Caveman82952
Guest
LC HJ Caveman82952
May 1, 2012 09:48

Well Crunch, you seem to have the beses covered. As for me, I got jury duty today……I get kicked off, first, they won’t let you in carrying a rope, confiscated my pocketknife and told me Crime and Punishment was not necessarily an appropriate read…..

bloodyspartan
Member
bloodyspartan
May 1, 2012 09:53

Don’t forget the shrooms on the Burger

bloodyspartan
Member
bloodyspartan
May 1, 2012 09:56

LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E. @ #:
I dug her up part of my new found MOOSeLIMP faith

MarineVet1995
Member
MarineVet1995
May 1, 2012 10:16

Not eating a cheeseburger… gonna fire up the grill and barbecue some of the poor, defenseless bambi my son shot… with an EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLL (did I spell that right?) gun!

BigDogg - Imperial Thread Killer (ITK)
Member
BigDogg - Imperial Thread Killer (ITK)
May 1, 2012 10:19

Dammmmmn, Crunch … I haven’t laughed this hard in a while. Thanks for all of the excellent ideas! :em05:

NR Pax
Member
NR Pax
May 1, 2012 10:26

Any of y’all have any ideas?

1. I am going to go to work.
2. I am going to do a good job and earn my money.
3. I am going to refuse to apologize for being who I am.

I think that covers their hot buttons, since I’m a straight white male.

LC Roguetek
Member
LC Roguetek
May 1, 2012 10:28

ha, pikers. I started may day early, by shooting at possums with a .308 assault rifle, from my front door, in my underpants, at around midnight. alcohol was not involved.

oddly, the neighbors have yet to complain.

Igor, Imperial Booby
Member
Igor, Imperial Booby
May 1, 2012 11:26

Have fun, good Sir, and don’t forget to profile :em01:

Pull over a few carsful of Mexicans, just for giggles! Ask ’em, “Where were you born??” :em05:

Lady H
Member
May 1, 2012 13:18

Are you allowed to take photographs???!!!!! :em05:

Lady H
Member
May 1, 2012 13:26

Radical Redneck @ #:

I’m sending this post over to Jenn’s place just especially for her trolls!!!

LC Proud Infidel
Member
LC Proud Infidel
May 1, 2012 13:32

Igor, Imperial Booby says:

Have fun, good Sir, and don’t forget to profile
Pull over a few carsful of Mexicans, just for giggles! Ask ‘em, “Where were you born??”

Properly said, it’s “WHERE were ya BORN, Boy?”

As for me, I’ve got night shift at the paper mill. If y’all don’t wanna recycle, it’s OK by me, we’ll make more!

rickn8or
Member
rickn8or
May 1, 2012 13:48

Tell the CCW permit holder you stopped “The next time see you, I’m gonna buy you a drink!”

Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
Member

I’ve been fighting on FB all morning about the occupy street puppets and their non-rallies today. One of my opposing friends criticized me for being overly negative about the puppets and their string masters and asked me say something positive about conservatives…..so this is what I posted in response: ….to put it briefly, I believe that the true 99% of… Read more »

maxxdog
Member
maxxdog
May 1, 2012 15:36

“For the fag, trannie, carpet muncher, what ever community, I will have heterosexual, objectifying, misogynist, sex. Lot’s of it. And I will do it well, exceptionally well.”

I’m betting Bangie Stick hasn’t been advised of this intent. :em05:

Bitter Clinger
Member
Bitter Clinger
May 1, 2012 18:53

NR Pax says: 1. I am going to go to work. 2. I am going to do a good job and earn my money. 3. I am going to refuse to apologize for being who I am. I think that covers their hot buttons, since I’m a straight white male. Ya forgot to add “Pay my taxes in order to… Read more »

Lady H
Member
May 1, 2012 20:15

LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E. @ #:

Kate is too chicken to comment over there….but Jenn has got some other pretty persistent trolls over there. “Darwin” carries one of the biggest Clue Bats ™ I have ever seen.

readerjp
Member
readerjp
May 1, 2012 20:23

And here’s how the celebration went in NY: Cops make arrests, investigate suspicious packages in citywide OWS May Day protests Cops arrested at least 30 people today as thousands of Occupy Wall Street protesters fanned out across the city for a series of May Day demonstrations. The NYPD was also investing a series of suspicious items mailed to multiple office… Read more »

Lady H
Member
May 1, 2012 20:29

Ignore the double “there”— I’m too lazy to proofread.

LC SmokeyBehr
Member
LC SmokeyBehr
May 1, 2012 21:02

I’m sitting here at work (late shift) watching Oakland PD getting ready to give some Modnadnock brand Wooden Shampoos to the Oaktown Occutards via the magic of the Interwebtubes. One dumbass already “rode the lightning” for pulling the usual stupid crap this afternoon. I can’t wait for all the wailing and gnashing of teeth by the filthy hippies when OPD… Read more »

Tallulah
Member
Tallulah
May 1, 2012 23:50

Hi, Rottweilers — I saw the NYC Bomb Squad had blocked off 15th Street tonight at about 6:00 pm, which borders the Con Edison headquarters. Lights flashing, police barricades, and everything. NOTHING about it on the news. Like they say, “Nothing to see here. Move along.” I didn’t notice the Occutards having any success with their Commie Day celebrations, even… Read more »

LC Xystus
Member
May 2, 2012 01:58

Crunch, I didn’t realize ya were an officer! Thought ya were strictly an instructor. Reminds me of my bro, who’s a county mountie but has begun to teach shooting on the side.

LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology
Member
LC Getalis, Imperial Czar of Pharmacology
May 2, 2012 02:41

Did I miss May Day again?

Perhaps I’ll intentionally cook my next steak all the way to medium-rare…

Radical Redneck
Member
Radical Redneck
May 2, 2012 07:58

Lady H @ #: Jenn has got some other pretty persistent trolls over there. You better believe it. She gets trolled at least 25 times a day with the same weak, paste eating missives such as: Lester Liberalmann: What a parrot. The ‘misery’ is what the average Americans are experiencing because of the the corporate control of our Democracy. If… Read more »

LC Proud Infidel
Member
LC Proud Infidel
May 2, 2012 09:01

Q: Why do moonbats stink?
A: So blind people can also hate them!

Hvy Gunner 0331
Member
Hvy Gunner 0331
May 2, 2012 09:24

Let’s see… Spent the morning attending classes at the local community college (one class away from an AA!) Enjoyed the refreshingly conservative air (not a fucktard in sight!) As part of my preparation to infiltrate the leftist educational system, I do admit to being more “furry” than usual (yeah, I have a pony-tail… I also have a CCW and a… Read more »

BigDogg - Imperial Thread Killer (ITK)
Member
BigDogg - Imperial Thread Killer (ITK)
May 2, 2012 10:43

OT, and I apologize for that, but this was too good not to share …

Saw an obvious good ol’ boy pickup with what appeared to be a homemade bumper sticker that read
Ghett O out of the White House

Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
Member

Hvy Gunner 0331 says: So, for May Day I took the ’52 M-37 for a spin, drank a few toasts to SEAL Team 6 and Neptunus Lex (Jamison, for courage!) cleaned the M-1, and chuckled over the fact that I was on the winning side of the cold war. you have an M37? that is just cool right there. My… Read more »

LC Sir Rurik, K.o.E.
Member
LC Sir Rurik, K.o.E.
May 2, 2012 12:58

Belated report on Mayday activity. Added some money to the bank account. Check. Took target practice at the range. Check. Went shopping – made a significant investment at the liquor shop. Check Went shopping again – bought additional ammunition. Check. At both the liquor store and gun shop made a point of informing proprietors I was shopping deliberately to defy… Read more »

Igor, Imperial Booby
Member
Igor, Imperial Booby
May 2, 2012 15:53

Hvy Gunner 0331 @ #42: As a fellow Spokanite, and having been to the Falls and EWU, I can say that the level of moonbattery is not as severe as, say, Seattle. Where water on the brain is so common. Not too many Occutards here, but there are a few. Where do you shoot? Mebbe you and I could get… Read more »

The Irish Dragoness
Member
The Irish Dragoness
May 2, 2012 18:11

I went grocery shopping at the local commissary. Also, funny that Crunchie should make a comment about his wife cooking dinner for him while barefoot. I did cook dinner for my husband last night and I was barefoot. However, most people who know me well will tell you that is nothing new, as I don’t like shoes. I only wear… Read more »

LC HJ Caveman82952
Guest
LC HJ Caveman82952
May 2, 2012 18:57

Anybody see this in the media? Anywhere? Could have been my friend Josh, or Crunchie, or mile, or Barry…. Infuriates me. God rest their souls… My friend Lynn, who presided over Marys memorial in my back yard, sent me this. Memorial Day is coming…… Subject: Prayer Request We are asking everyone to say a prayer for “Darkhorse” 3rd Battalion 5th… Read more »

LC HJ Caveman82952
Guest
LC HJ Caveman82952
May 2, 2012 19:02
The Irish Dragoness
Member
The Irish Dragoness
May 2, 2012 19:29

I forgot to state that I am five months pregnant and that I did the dishes afterwards 🙂

LC HJ Caveman82952
Guest
LC HJ Caveman82952
May 2, 2012 19:31

You are what…and you did?

LC BU1 IMotBP
Member
LC BU1 IMotBP
May 2, 2012 20:07

LC HJ Caveman82952 @ #:

Posted it on Facebook, Cave. I’m asking my friends to copy it to their status, hoping for it to get the maximum exposure.

Lady H
Member
May 2, 2012 20:07
Lady M-ITT™-Imperial Sniper G.L.O.R
Admin

Lady H says:

Dusted off my own humble little ClueBat ™

:em01:

Radical Redneck
Member
Radical Redneck
May 3, 2012 07:55
Hvy Gunner 0331
Member
Hvy Gunner 0331
May 3, 2012 16:32

Jaybear! you have an M37? that is just cool right there. My Dad and uncle used to have an old Dodge personnel carrier when I was a kid. They had it on a horse ranch in the Rockies that I used to work at every summer…..I never got to drive it, rode in it to town a lot but never… Read more »