TASS Would Be Ashamed

Of this recockulous verbal fellatio from Jonathan Alter in Bloomberg, another publication we now know we’ll never need to take even slightly serious, ever again.

Let’s start with the headline:

The Obama Miracle, a White House Free of Scandal: Jonathan Alter

No. This is not the Onion. At this point you can be forgiven if you’re unable to go on due to Fast and Furious bouts of hysterical laughter, but let’s at least take the first paragraph as well:

President Barack Obama goes into the 2012 with a weak economy that may doom his reelection. But he has one asset that hasn’t received much attention: He’s honest.

Alright. Enough. Can’t stand it anymore. We’ll have to hand it over to Doug Ross, whose threshold for pain is obviously miles above ours.

Congratulations, Alter and Bloomberg, you’ve actually done it. With one headline and one paragraph, you have managed to make Pravda and Völkischer Beobachter look like timeless paragons of veracity and journalistic virtue. We didn’t think it was possible. You proved us wrong.

Thatisall.

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Qoheleth
Qoheleth (@karnold)
November 1, 2011 01:32

Baghdad Bob pretended there were no American tanks or troops to be seen – as they thundered through in the background, on camera.

Was Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf one of Alter’s profs in J-School?

lc purple raider
lc purple raider (@lc-purple-raider)
November 1, 2011 01:38

Shared shamelessly from Doug Ross:

Alter’s miracle is being brain dead and still being able to get things published.

Comedy Gold!

Erbo
Erbo (@erbo)
November 1, 2011 02:19

Oh, I would SO want some of what Alter’s been smoking, if I weren’t afraid that it’d kill brain cells in numbers that would make the Federal Deficit (vastly inflated under the dude Alter’s busy schlurping the schlong of) look like my bank balance by comparison.

LC Xealot
LC Xealot (@lc-xealot)
November 1, 2011 08:03

Major scandals breaking from the media are a lot less likely when the press is busy slurping Obama’s ass. On the other hand, Bush choking in a pretzel… that, of course, is a national scandal of epic proportions.

LC Draco
LC Draco (@lc-draco)
November 1, 2011 10:31

“It’s not a scandal if the MSM doesn’t cover it!!” :em05:

harleycowboy
harleycowboy (@harleycowboy)
November 1, 2011 13:18

Of course he’s honest. He’s too stupid to concoct a lie. He has to have other people do it for him. Written books, teleprompter speeches, etc.

M167A1
M167A1 (@m167a1)
November 1, 2011 18:44

:em05:

Wow.. just wow….

LC BOATS
LC BOATS (@stannewman)
November 2, 2011 01:11

All I can say about that is that Jonathan Alter must be the grand dragon of the big liers club. Cause that’s the biggest string of whoppers Ive heard in a long time. :em06:

LC Xystus
LC Xystus (@xystus)
November 2, 2011 05:18

Alter–as in altered states.

LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E. (@cmblake6)
November 2, 2011 18:10

Ffffffftttt-thp-thp…………PAAH! Dude, like, wow. :em02: