Breaking News: Russian Bots™ Land in Ohio, Establish Foothold, Cleverly Disguise Themselves as “Green Party”

Confusion reigned as hordes of “voters” wearing “Green Party” lapel pins stormed voting booths, stealing votes that the Prozi People’s Party desperately needed in the OH-12 special election.

Expert intelligence analyst Alyssa Milano, however, was not fooled by their laughable disguises, noticing immediately their suspicious accents as well as the trail of empty vodka bottles, sunflower seed shells and drunken renditions of “Rossiya, svyashchennaya nasha derzhava” left in their wake.

At the time of this writing she was not absolutely certain, but strongly suspected that she’d spotted an elderly, bare-chested gentleman with a receding hairline and a mischievous grin earlier, riding a bear.

Stay tuned…

Thatisall.

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Terrapod
Terrapod
August 8, 2018 05:12

For some odd reason, I awoke this morning with the phrase “rope and change” lingering from a dream. Going to have to visit the soothsayer to get that one interpreted. :em03:

Terrapod
Terrapod
August 8, 2018 05:28

No voter fraud exists, nosiree, none at all………………

Headline:

The Georgia Secretary of State’s office found turnout in Mud Creek precinct was outstanding this year.
670 ballots were cast in the precinct that has 270 registered voters.

Guest
August 8, 2018 07:59

Old joke from the Soviet Union:

Ivan is being questioned by his factory’s zampolit.

“What is the definition of Capitalism, Comrade Citizen?”
“The exploitation of man by man.”
“Very good! And the definition of our glorious Socialism?”
“The reverse of that.”

Terrapod
Terrapod
August 8, 2018 09:29

Heh -good one Azy. Another old Soviet era joke. Ivan at the tractor factory being interviewed by Pravda – Comrade, we hear that the quality of the tractors made at plant is somewhat lacking. Ivan – well see here comrade reporter, the factory pretends to pay us, and we pretend to work. Head over to the Angry Webmaster page and… Read more »

Iron Bear
Iron Bear
August 8, 2018 11:47

Russians eat sunflower seeds?

Terrapod
Terrapod
August 8, 2018 15:36

Yup, and spit them where they stand. Sort of like the Iranians do with piss-tachios and the PRC Chinese do loogies. :em05:

Fa Cube Itches
Fa Cube Itches
August 8, 2018 16:26

Geez, if Ms. Milano is busy commenting on politics, who is out there fucking mediocre baseball players?

Terrapod
Terrapod
August 8, 2018 19:20

That task would fall to the lovely Mrs. Kate Upton something or other I believe :em07:

Libsareb Raindead
Libsareb Raindead
August 10, 2018 10:16

Were Alyssa’s stupidity a black hole, the Big Bang theory would have to be scrapped. Although there wouldn’t be any scientists around to do it because the whole universe would’ve been sucked into the Milano Void™ exactly 45 years, 7 months and 22 days ago.