Schadenboner Warning…

Remember, if it lasts for more than 48 hours, seek medical help immediately.

Dear Colleagues,

Both of you.

When we moved into our new building in 2007, we saw it as a modern headquarters for a modern New York Times. We still feel that way.

But as Mark mentioned in the State of The Times last month, after a good deal of consideration, we have determined that the way that we use our headquarters building needs to evolve to better match the changes you and your colleagues have been driving across every part of the company.

More specifically, the drive to run down readership numbers and, as a result, the number of people still on our payroll.

The current way we have configured our office makes us slower and less collaborative. It is also, frankly, too expensive to occupy this many floors when we don’t truly need them.

It just doesn’t make sense to have your office building configured for 1,000 employees when there are only three left. And those three occupy offices on opposite ends of the building.

We’ve made the decision to consolidate our footprint

…as in “assembling the handful of employees left in the janitor’s closet outside the staff room.”

across the building to create a more dynamic, modern and open workplace,

Very open, in fact. Hardly any need for walls when your entire staff will fit comfortably in one room.

one that is better suited to the moment. We’re planning significant investments in a redesign of our existing space in order to facilitate more cross-departmental collaboration.

In the future, every single one of you will be able to communicate directly with every other employee of our Fake News Blog. Simultaneously. As you’ll all be within earshot of each other.

We expect a substantial financial benefit as well. All told, we will vacate at least eight floors,

…out of seven

allowing us to generate significant rental income.

Henceforth our only revenue generator.

In the end, these changes will impact every employee at 620 Eighth Ave. In the near term, we will have to move about 400 employees out of the building to nearby office space

The unemployment office is still “office space”, isn’t it?

No, we’re still not tired of all the #winning, but we really need to do something about this schadenboner before it turns black and falls off.

Thatisall.