I’m alive…I think.

It’s been six months. Cant sleep some nights, other nights bad dreams that wake me and wont let me sleep. I hear her voice in my dreams, wake up and she’s gone. Family keep telling me I’m brave, strong..all of that…God if they only knew.

They dont know.

And I wont tell them. Can’t.

Back at work..I used to have a mind that could multitask and do a hundred things..gone. Dead inside. When she died it did too. Cant concentrate, keep screwing up, went back to work because the walls kept closing in.

Falling flat on my face on simple clerical jobs. Forgetting things. Embarrassing. Scary.

Have to go on.

No choice.

No choice.

Healing takes time they tell me…how the fuck do they know? How does anyone know unless you’ve been here? I know the Rotties tried to help and God knows I am grateful….Id give anything to have her back, more than once I ask why.

There is no why. it just is.

Blessed are those that mourn. Friends have been there. Helped me find work. Stayed by me. I’ll get there somehow. Make it to end of this year then see whats next.

Every night. Every day. I love you, sweetheart. I miss you.

Pray for me.

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lc purple raider
lc purple raider
October 23, 2015 10:28

Prayers will be always sent on your behalf.

Farmor, LC, GLOR and Imperial Mother
Farmor, LC, GLOR and Imperial Mother
October 23, 2015 11:43

Even if I don’t know you I feel very much for you and your pain. I’ve lost too. My prayers be with you

Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
Jaybear, Colonel of Imperial Ancient Artillery
October 23, 2015 19:18

prayers outbound brother….count on it. not to sound like some new age fop or anything but have you looked into some grief counseling? Up until my mom and my dog died in the span of 12 weeks in 2012, I thought that kind of thing was bullshit. My doctor ordered me into counseling at the local hospital as I developed… Read more »

October 23, 2015 22:23

Brendan, SO sorry for all your understandable pain – ! I hope that Time will soon heal your heartfelt wounds for your mate; I know how I would feel, and would probably bear it just like you – or even less so. Peace be with you soon, my friend.

October 23, 2015 23:07

While I am new here and I would never presume to understand or even comprehend a loss like the one you have suffered, I had a very good friend and mentor of mine make a tragic choice when dealing with loss. I vowed personally to NEVER allow a subtle cry for help go unnoticed. Call somebody. Family, a fellow Rottie,… Read more »

October 24, 2015 07:11

Hey Dude, you’re the only arms and legs your lovey has in this world to finish some last few tasks she was interested in. Your skills are needed. Get crackin’, mate.
Tempus Fugit

October 24, 2015 12:19

Been just under 4 months since I lost my wife. Some days are worse then others. The cats still look for her and complain. The local hospice sponsors gatherings of people who have suffered losses. You might check with your local hospice organization. The funeral company that handled the services for me also offered “classes” in dealing with the after… Read more »

October 24, 2015 18:14

Prayers sent, wish there was more we could do.

It’s taken my mom almost four years to get back to “normal” after my dad passed away. And even now, she has moments.

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. And at the risk of sounding trite, it will get better.

LC ShadowFox
LC ShadowFox
October 25, 2015 08:49

I can’t imagine what you are going through brother. While your separation may be temporary on this world you will see her again in the Kingdom of God. Stay strong, for her. One day your work will be done as well.

LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E.
LC 0311 Sir Crunchie I.M.H., K.o.E.
October 26, 2015 15:31

Brendan, my dear friend, as much as I wish I did, I don’t have any words that will ease the pain. I know you’ve probably heard every cliched saying that man has come up with to try and deal with grief, so I’ll spare you more. But remember this, you have many friends on this side of the ocean as… Read more »