We mentioned a bit ago how Kevin Williamson of NRO is one of ours and a wordsmith of quite some caliber and, just in case you thought we were just trying to be nice, we found a recent and very good example of just how deep his keyboard cuts when he wants to take somebody to the woodshed. Granted, the target was one of the dumbest Prozi dipshits known to man, Lena Dunham (you know, the chubby one who compared voting for King Putt to having sex for the first time, something she’s evidently still fantasizing about. Having sex, we mean), but his prose is ART, we tell you.
Let’s just give you the lede:
If you would like to be filled with despair for the prospects of democracy, spend a few minutes attempting to decipher the psephological musings of Lena Dunham, the distinctly unappealing actress commissioned by Planned Parenthood to share with her presumably illiterate following “5 Reasons Why I Vote (and You Should, Too).” That’s 21st-century U.S. politics in miniature: a half-assed listicle penned by a half-bright celebrity and published by a gang of abortion profiteers.
That’s just him getting warmed up. We’re not going to go through more than that, you’ll have to read it yourselves (and you’ll enjoy it too), but one thing got us to thinking while we were talking to LC Jaybear on Facebork and this whole “free rubbers and pills for everybody” nonsense that the likes of Dunham so enjoy harping on about, particularly when it comes to claiming that conservatives are waging a “War on Women” for not wanting to pay for contraception when Lena one day is naked and has sex. With a man. You know, somebody with a real penis.
None of which is what Kev is talking about, which is yet another reason why you should go read his post. We’ll still be here when you get back. This is what we just got to thinking about:
Those of us who have been working against various mandates imposed by the Affordable Care Act are as a matter of fact attempting to extricate ourselves from involvement in Lena Dunham’s sex life, the details of which we would gratefully leave to her own idiosyncratic management. It is the so-called Affordable Care Act that has involved us in subsidizing birth control, abortifacients, surgical abortions, and who knows what else, for the strong, powerful, self-actualized American woman who cannot figure out how to walk into Walgreens, lay down the price of a latte, and walk out with her own birth-control pills, no federal intervention necessary. The very conservative editors of this magazine are in fact trying to make it easier for them to do so with over-the-counter birth control. I suspect that Miss Dunham does not know very many conservatives, so allow me to pass along the message: We really, truly, sincerely do not wish to be involved in your sex life. [Emphasis ours — Emp Misha I”
When we first read it, we were thinking that truer words were never spoken. Because, Jupiter knows, if there is one thing conservatives don’t want to be involved in, Prozi protestations to the contrary, is what goes on in Prozi bedrooms. We don’t even want to be in the same zip code as a bedroom in which a Prozi hag might be having what passes for sex among their tribe, so to claim that they want us out of said bedrooms has always struck us as the most absurd demand we’ve ever heard. You wouldn’t be able to lead us into Lena Dunham or Amanda Marcotte’s bedrooms at gunpoint.
“A fate worse than death” comes to mind.
But then we got to thinking some more. Maybe that’s where we went wrong? Maybe we shouldn’t be so opposed to paying for Sandra Fluke (rhymes with “truck”) and Lena Dunham’s contraception? Sure, we still agree with the principle of it. Nobody should be forced to pay for somebody else’s dalliances, but seriously… Imagine that Lena one day has actual sex. With a man. Don’t laugh, it could happen. Now imagine that something might happen inside that Bottomless Cave of Unspeakable Horrors of hers, something that might attach itself to her uterine wall and, Heaven forbid, turn into another Prozi hellspawn once she got done failing to bring it up and turn it into a human being.
Would ponying up a few dollars to keep that from happening be all that much to ask?
We find ourself wavering in our faith here. Please help us out.