I May Have to Start Watching My Back

Now, being ever mindful of the legacies of empires long gone, it is His Imperial Majesty’s policy to arm his heirs against just about anything that might come their way.

Weapons training, judging characters, trust, subterfuge, reading between the lines, sarcasm, devastating put-downs with a smile on your face, that sort of thing.

But we may have reached a point where the student is becoming the master in at least some respects.

We were discussing how to properly deal with the less threatening, but no less preposterous, variant of the kiddy-diddler, the exhibitionist. Generally, that particular genus is not dangerous, they’re just in dire need of being weeded out of the gene pool on a permanent basis, but bopping them off tends to lead to tedious interactions with the constabulary, taking time that would be better spent in other ways.

So we were passing on a lesson that we ourselves had learned when we were their age, which is to simply study the appendage of the exhibitionist and, without expressing any emotion other than curiosity, saying “oh dear. It looks like a penis, only smaller.”

Only we didn’t get past the bit where we said “so you look at the perv’s thingy as if you’re studying an interesting insect, and then you say…” at which point our youngest heir interrupted and said:

“Is that an innie?”

Seriously, we can’t beat that. Those guys are going to be scary. In a GOOD way.


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Special Ed
Special Ed
April 24, 2014 22:38

I can only say “Well trained, Your Majesty, well trained.”

Oh, and FOIST!!

April 25, 2014 06:59

Must have gotten that bit of wit from their mother’s side Misha.

LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
April 25, 2014 08:30

Agree with Special Ed! :em01:

LC MuscleDaddy
LC MuscleDaddy
April 25, 2014 14:32

Note to Self:

Don’t read about the Heirs while otherwise maintaining a low-profile on a conference call….

– MD

BC, Imperial Torturer
BC, Imperial Torturer
April 25, 2014 23:23

:em05: Brilliant riposte!

When they get a bit older, you can teach ’em to say: “You really should wash that little thing more often. I can still see your mother’s lipstick on it.”

April 26, 2014 07:47

Misha and others,
Deace’s “Rules For Patriots” has crucial and pragmatic concepts and tactics for 2014.
“Republicrat” updated and exemplified
“Question the premise” – a key “how to”

April 26, 2014 09:51

My sister got a heavy breather phone call once. She listened intently for few seconds and then started critiquing the caller’s technique as well as giving tips for how to be more menacing rather than simply silly. He/She/It hung up very quickly and never called back.

April 27, 2014 20:01

You really need to give a spew alert before posting something like that. Someone could lose a keyboard that way.

LC Moriarty, Imperial Goatherd
LC Moriarty, Imperial Goatherd
April 27, 2014 23:37

:em05 Well done, Majesty! We should expect no less from your wonderful sons! My own progeny, some time back, received the full measure of discussion about reproductive matters. (No, not “the birds and the bees”. He’s long past that. This was about spermatogenesis, ovulation, fertilization, implantation in the endometrium, menstruation, menopause, male hypogonadism and where moobs come from. He’s a… Read more »

LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
LC Sir Clambake, Imperial Black Ops Technician, K.o.E.
April 29, 2014 10:09